Jonfinjapan

Seattleites Help Japan charity concert

2011-11-05T16:49:00.006+09:00

The guest artist for the night was Emi Meyer.

I went because I wanted to hear her play and my friend told me of the charity concert in Columbia Tower Club in Seattle. I honestly did not want to go, because being the anti-social person that I am, I didn't want to be around other people. Plus nobody I knew was going and I would be by myself in a room full of people that already had their groups...but after praying, I felt that God wanted me there, so I bought my ticket and went to the concert.

One flaw about the website I bought the tickets from was that they mentioned the dress code; it mentioned no shorts, athletic wear, t-shirts, athletic caps, etc etc. But it did not say "no jeans." So I wore my jeans to work along with a polo shirt and a pleather jacket. When I checked the Columbia Tower Club's website for directions, I noticed the dress code "No Jeans allowed at all except for dress Jeans made by Stratus."

What am I supposed to do? I was thinking that I'd go to the concert in my jeans and what could they do? Throw me out? Or not let me in?

I decided to stop by Macys in Belle square since it was on my way, bought a pair of slacks, changed at Macys and rushed to the concert. When I got there, there was a man waiting near the elevators and he at once knew that the people that were coming out of the elevator with me were also going to the concert. He scanned his card in the 2nd main elevator and gave us directions on how to get to the Columbia Tower Club. Up 40 floors, then switch to another elevator and go up there to the top of that one. Then ask the clerk how to get to the club.

When I got to the club, I noticed that everyone was dressed up. I was so glad that I didn't wear jeans to that, becuase I would have stuck out like a sore thumb. It was a fairly small gathering...about 70 people at various tables. And of course, I knew no one.

There was one empty table with a few people at it, and I asked the guy if I could sit next to him. He said, "Only if you buy me a drink." The woman next to him playfully slapped his shoulder and he said, "I'm just kidding." Apparently the woman that was sitting there was his wife who was a sportscaster on King 5 TV on the weekends. She was the MC for that night. I talked to the husband for a little bit and we found out what each other does for a living. A photographer also told us to hold a sign and she took a picture of us for the charity event. So my picture might be somewhere in public...Ganbare Japan, is what I think it said.

The sportscaster spoke in Japanese because this event was broadcasted around Japan live, as well as Brazil, parts of the US, and anywhere that had the website information since it was streaming. I was impressed by her Japanese and being part Japanese, she was modest about it as well.

Emi Meyer came in to play with two other musicians playing the bass and drums. They were both from Japan. What I can say about the concert was that it was awesome! Emi Meyer definitely has a gift in playing jazz piano and singing songs that sound either alternative or popish like with a twist of blues in her voice.

The event was called "Seatteites Help Japan."

See link here.

It was a live stream, so they had sort of like twitter feeds going on in the background of the screen as they were playing. Emi Meyer was awesome on the piano and vocals and the other two musicians were amazing as well. I was in heaven listening to the music. So much so, that I didn't get up at all during the whole event, except to buy a t-shirt.

The charity group being sponsored was Peace Winds America and they did a little presentation during the event on how they are helping the local businesses in the Tohoku region. It was sobering to say the least. One thing they mentioned is that in America, all the news about Japan has stopped, but in Japan, they hear about it everyday. Peace Winds America and Peace Winds Japan are helping a lot in that region to try to get the people to stay in the Tohoku region, because a lot of people are moving away due to the fact that there's no way they can do business in that devastated area. A lot of people want to work, but they can't...

one story the man shared with us is that the Tohoku region has a big fishing port in that area and he watched bucket after bucket of white salmon being brought in from the boats. The last bucket was a bunch of debris. The fisherman said that "this got caught in our nets and now our nets are broken." One thing that Peace Winds America is doing is helping fishermen like this get new nets so that they can keep on working. But, he mentioned that the time is now to help, otherwise people will move away because there is little to no hope of earning a living.

Apparently about 30,000 people, or more were watching the live stream.

At the end of concert, I bought a CD "Suitcase of Stones," by Emi Meyer. She signed it and it said, "Jon, Thank you! Emi Meyer" I told her how much I love her music in a short sentence and she bowed and said "arigato gozaimas." I bowed as well and knocked over someone else's wine glass full of wine. Yes, my butt knocked it over...

The bartender behind me cursed and I apologized to the man in charge. He said, "That's okay."

Other notes about the night, some of the young adults helping were pretty chatty, but good people. The drummer in the band kept looking at them, because they were talking while they were playing. heh. But the young adults helped me get an autograph from Emi Meyer, so I was happy. I mean, what can you expect from people in their late teens to early 20s? They're just acting their age and it's not like they meant any harm. Really nice young adults though.

One thing that I've always tried to do in my life is "do what I want to do." Kind of like Wolverine in the X-Men. What I've been learning is that I can't always do what I want to do, because sometimes I do what is not right and what I want to do right, I don't do, because I don't feel like it.

God is teaching me that I need to let Him be a part of my life and to listen to what He wants me to do in a certain time. Praying about going to this concert was a step in the right direction. I didn't want to go, but God wanted me to go, so I went in surrender and obedience to Him. Not because I'm a great person, but because I don't know what is right all the time and sometimes a little guidance is appreciated.

I don't know what reason God wanted me there, but I know that I had the time of my life listening to the music.

One reason why I think I was supposed to go is that I heard about what is still happening in Japan...that it's not over as to the help that they need. I really don't know what I can do...except donate money toward organizations helping Japan. Definitely the need is great everywhere as natural disasters are happening every month it seems like.

Whatever does not kill me...

2011-08-14T10:59:00.002+09:00

A common phrase among some of my friends is, "Whatever does not kill me makes me stronger."

When I was teaching English in Japan, I couldn't help but wonder what the heck I was doing there; I felt like I had no idea what direction I was taking these kids in terms of the future in terms of English. I taught the lessons from my company, but I couldn't see where this was going through, except that it was another lesson that taught a little bit more about the language.

I felt like a total failure during the latter part of my time there. When I was waiting to hear back from company as to whether or not I was offered another year, I kept falling deeper and deeper into depression and kept on thinking that I would not be there for another year because my lessons sucked. I felt that the kids would be better off with another teacher.

When my company finally did give me the axe, I had about 2 months left in my contract and I immediately sought out help from my friend in Tokyo. He gave me some good advice on common sense and told me to get things done earlier than the night before and practice the lessons as well. I did much better in those two months, but only because I made steps to make things better, with some help of course.

Whatever does not kill you can make you stronger, "only if you learn from it and adjust to the things happening." Meaning, you need to change your lifestyle or habits or something to be more constructive to more like what you want your goal to be. Otherwise, you will not have any progress and things will stay the same. In some sense, the thing that did not kill you, didn't make you stronger, but brought up an issue that you still haven't resolved yet.

On my 2nd to last day at school, I received a phone call from my company saying that they saw that my lessons were getting better and they decided to offer me another year. I couldn't take it, because I already made plans to go back to the United States. But at least, something went right in the end.

I still have a lot of unresolved issues with my time in Japan and I'm still learning from it even though it has been 4 years since I returned.

As some people have said before, failure is not necessarily a bad thing. If you learn from it and adjust to it, and have the right attitude, then you might be successful later on. But you need to evaluate what you did wrong and what you did right.

Simple advice, and maybe I am a simple person, but keeping it simple has worked for me so far. I'm still here. I don't know how long I'll be here, as nobody knows when their last day is. But hopefully in the end, I can look back on my life and say, "that was a life worth living."

Thinking...

2011-07-21T15:45:00.003+09:00

In a lot of ways, I'm clueless when it comes to things happening in this world. I don't know what happens in almost every place in this world, but when I was Japan, I saw a glimpse as to what things are like there.

Sometimes, you can only get to know a place by going there. I had no idea what I was getting myself into by going as an English Teacher. I still wonder how the kids I taught are doing. I wonder if I made a good/bad impact on the students there.

When I talked with Japanese exchange students during my college days, a few of the students mentioned that they had really good English teachers that got them interested in English and studying abroad. I wanted to be like those teachers that helped the students be interested in traveling abroad and seeing what the rest of the world is like. But I will never know and probably will never meet any of my former students (plus I won't be able to recognize them due to the fact that they probably have changed so much.)

I wonder if I may have caused kids to not be interested in English. Like I said, I will never know and sometimes the only thing you can do is pray, because there's nothing that I can do...really.

Sometimes I wonder why I think I can do these things that I've never done before, like teach. I mean, it takes time for people to become good teachers or good leaders. I know that it doesn't happen overnight, but through our choices and actions in our lives, we make ourselves to be who we are tomorrow. And a lot of it depends on what path we take and how we turn to God for direction in our missteps. Anyway, I never really taught anything before and it was a new experience in just what the kids could process and how to explain it and fit it in 45 minutes.

Anyway, I can't seem to forget my time in Japan as it was a wonderful experience, but also a hard experience as well. But I did grow because of it and I do believe that I became a better person. I learned patience with kids, however, I did not learn authority as I felt that I had no right to direct kids in what to do. But that was supposed to be my role, even though that wasn't my role.

Anyway, it was a complicated time for me. I got along with most of the teachers, however I could not seem to befriend some of the teachers. In some sense, I could never really get to know who they are. At work, it's all business. However, I could never hang out with any of the teachers, because I don't drink.

In some sense of the word, I don't belong in Japan because I can never really get to know the people there all that well. But in another sense, I want to make a difference there...and maybe the only thing I can do is pray for workers to be sent there.

I'm way too American to fit in Japanese society as well. I just can't seem to adjust as I've been brought up a different way. But part of me hopes that someday I will be able to do something for Japan as Japan has helped me in so many ways to become who I am today. As of right now, writing in this blog helps me to reflect and think about why I given a chance to work and experience life there. We all have a purpose here on earth. It is for good and not for evil and not for ourselves. But the two things that matter in this world are, God and people. Everything else should come after that...but it doesn't always happen that way. Anyway, I feel that sometimes before we can go out to help others, we need to improve ourselves and grow ourselves so that we can one day share with others what we have learned.

Camp here and then back again

2011-07-05T16:59:00.004+09:00

So I went to my church camp again for the 2nd time ever. I wasn't sure if I should go at all, because I'd rather be playing video games with my time and just resting during the long weekend. But I'm glad that I went.

I met a few new people that some of my friends knew and they were pretty great people. Even though things didn't work out all that well 100% of the time, I felt like by spending time with them, they got to know me and I got to know them.

That's the thing huh? If you never spend time with someone, you will never get to know them. I realized just how little I know about the people of my church and how little they know of me. I feel that maybe I'm kept in the dark, because nobody truly knows who I am, because we never get to spend any time together.

I've been there for 12 years and there are only a few people that know me a little bit. It seems like people drift away after awhile and I guess that is how it will be between us. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just that people move on and so must I. There are friends for the road and lifelong friends. Both serve their purposes in our lives and it is impossible to keep in touch with a lot of your friends for the average human being.

Anyway, being there reminded me of what the community of Christ looks like. I saw people relating and talking with each other, supporting one another, and sharing in the joy of being with each other.

Anyway, I'd rather not share any personal things about myself in this blog, because I find that sometimes, it's better for people who don't know you, to not know you through text and words...rather to know you through who you are in real life is much more valuable. You can get a view of who a person is until you see them with your own eyes and know their presence in this world.

Even though I'm a moron when it comes to verbally speaking, a lot of people will never know who I am inside. I have a feeling that I'm going to die early...but no one knows when their last day will come, otherwise they'd change their habits and make preparations with the things that truly matter. (Stolen from Philip Yancey)

At camp, I got to read the first chapter of "What Good is God," by Philip Yancey. It brought some hope to what was otherwise a cynical view of my life and the church in my own personal life. In the first chapter, he writes about a car accident that could have possibly ended his life. One thing he writes is, "As I lay there, I realized how much of my life focused on trivial things. Trust me, during those seven hours I did not think about how many books I had sold, or what kind of car I drove or how much money I had in my bank account. All that mattered boiled down to a few basic questions. Who do I love? Who will I miss? What have I done with my life? Am I ready for what's next?"

Philip Yancey also wrote a book that is called, "where is God when it hurts?" Someone asked him to sum up the book because he didn't have time to read it, so he thought for a few minutes and replied, "Where is the church when it hurts?"

Looking at this camp, I saw people growing closer to God together and building relationships. It's not about how many great things you do, but when you think of the entire church as one organism, it's about taking care of the church (the body) when the church hurts, and being there for the world when it hurts.

You can't do that only by throwing money or aid to things, (that helps,) but you need people to build working relationships and personal relationship with others in need.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents from Philip Yancey.

I keep on thinking that people do not know me. And there are only a few people that truly understand me. On the other hand, I will never really get to know a lot of people. And maybe this is the season for my life at this point. But life is what you make of out what you are given. You can't take more than you're given, but if you are faithful with what you have, you will be entrusted with more. (taken from the parable of the talents.)

Anyway, it was a good weekend. Even though I feel unwanted, I know that God loves me and that's all I need. However, in terms the church, I need the church, and the church could use me. Even though I'm not in any way important, God seeks people to do His work in this world through building relationships and caring for those that need Him. In a sense, Jesus doesn't need anybody in particular, but He does need someone to go and spread the good news.

What I'm trying to say is that each person has their own unique personality that can reach people that others may not be able to reach. Jesus reaches out to all people from all walks of life. And it may not be that they realize it, but He is working and wants all people to walk in spirit and in truth. But people need other people and we can't do this life alone.

I don't need people to understand me, but I guess I need to understand others.

Broken Down, but not destroyed

2011-06-10T15:43:00.002+09:00

When I think about the last 12 years of my life...since 1999, I've really experienced a lot of great times, new horizons, but also pain and new experiences which have caused me to stretch a little more...some in ways that I never thought possible. It has definitely been a time for growth and like all growing pains, it hurts and is not easy, but it is rewarding.

When I look at the need for God...how could such a being exist? How could an all knowing, ultimate good exist at all? Why do we all have this need for someone perfect to be in our lives? There is no easy answer for this question, but I think part of the reason why we desire this is that we know how broken and despairing this world is to its people and we aren't experiencing what we were created for.

This world is a broken and cruel place and I know that God did not intend for us to live like this...but we chose it out of our own sin and from the story of Adam and Eve. I think that the need for God comes from the fact that we tried to be like God and we can't be like God...we fail...and that desire for something better and out of reach cannot be achieved through human hands.

What I like to think is that God lets us choose our own path. God lets us choose our own decisions every day and it's our choice whether to seek guidance from God or to go our own way. So often do we not think about what Jesus said or the bible said, or what God is trying to tell us that we go on with our lives and miss the opportunities that God has for us to do in this world. I speak from experience as I have not done what God wanted me to do, not just in the big things, but in everyday life. However, even though none of us are perfect, if we seek God through it all and try to listen to His still small voice, I believe that our hearts can be changed for the better; that we would do what God wants to do in this world.

Anyway, we all can do some good in this world...that's what we were created for right?

lessons from the past

2011-05-30T08:14:00.006+09:00

As it is I really do not learn my lessons until I really think about them for many years. Maybe I have a low intelligence and I do not realize things as quickly as other people, but I remember things for a long time and think about the past constantly. So eventually, something that happened in the past which may have not had that much significance to other people, I think about and sometimes I learn something which I should have picked up a lot earlier.

In some sense, you have to forget what lies behind and move forward with your life...but there is always some value in learning about the things you experienced rather than forgetting and moving forward without learning anything at all. Why do people stay the same? Why are people who were bad 10 years ago just as bad or worse 10 years later? Why do people change? How do people change at all? I believe that all these questions can be answered in whether or not you learned from your mistakes, and made the choice to either change for the better, change for the worse, or just move on with life without thinking about it at all.

How this relates to my lessons from the past is that I probably would not be here right now if people did not care about me and help me confront my problems in life. I was destructive, I could have hurt some people; but there were people in my life that cared enough about me to work with me to see some other path in life rather than the one that I was walking on.

My problems took full form in Jr. High school when I just totally lost it. I won't explain how I totally lost it, but I needed help and some help was given through counselors. However, I thought that if I was accepting their help, something was wrong with me, so I told them, "everything is all right," for several weeks. At the end of the 3rd week, my counselor told my mom that, "if he says that everything is all right and won't tell me what's happening in his life, I can't help him." We ended counseling that night in 8th grade and things got much worse after that.

I thought about suicide after deciding that I would not go on a rampage and hurt people that hurt me. I didn't want others to feel that same thing that I was feeling, which was hurt emotionally and relationally. I didn't want to cause other people pain as I knew myself that it was not an easy thing to handle and the world would be much better without me here.

On a side note, there were some people that were nice to me. There were a lot of nice people at my school. One kid told me very nicely that I had my t-shirt on backwards very quietly in an assembly when I was sitting on the stands. I had friends who would talk to me during lunch and hang out with me after school. Even though there were people who were kind to me, I felt there there were much more that were mean to me. (Even if that's not true, I felt that way and that was the only opinion i would listen to.)

One day, one of my schoolmates said to me, "you know Jon, God loves you." That was the first time that I ever heard that. I grew up in a Buddhist background and didn't know anything about God. I believed in God, but I didn't believe that He was the Christian God that they preached. I felt good for a moment, but then reality sunk in and I thought, "If God is real, then why would all these bad things happen to me? Why would God let me suffer so much?"

That same night, I was going to commit suicide. I was serious about doing it since things had gotten so bad, but what my schoolmate told me came back to me. "You know Jon, God loves you." My anger turned towards God and my heart cried out, "GOD if you're real then how could you let me suffer so much? How could you let this happen to me?" I felt a peace that I had never experienced before and I fell asleep on my bed rather than kill myself.

I woke up the next morning and life continued on in the same way. But slowly, things started to get better. 10th grade, I was able to see another counselor. He encouraged me to improve my grades, (they were pretty low, because I never felt like studying because of how I felt.) I improved my grades and was able to attend college. Right before college, I was able to go to Japan because of my high school program. In Japan, I felt like I had come home, because even though I was not a normal person in America, I was accepted in Japan. I felt like I could become someone different and have a different life rather than the Hell that I was living in America.

Back in the US, my brother took me to a baseball game along with my sister and his Christian friends. They actually prayed before the meal and my sister and I were really embarrassed, because we never really did anything before the meal. One of my brother's friends really stood out because he didn't know English that well and he reminded me of my time in Japan.

I talked with him and told him of my experiences in Japan. He got excited and told me of his desire to tell people in Japan about Jesus. I got really defensive because I believed that everyone has the right to believe whatever they want and I also didn't believe in Christianity. What stood out to me was that even though I could tell that I made him frustrated, he didn't hold any animosity against me because of what I said.

My brother drove me and the guy home and I saw where he lived. It was in a dangerous part of town where hit and runs are common, yet he still seemed happy to be living. My brother told me that "he's that way because of his faith in Jesus." I knew nothing of Jesus, I wasn't really interested either, but I asked him, "who is Jesus?" We had a long discussion which I wasn't too interested in, but because of that conversation and the group that he recommended to me, I became a believer in March of 2000. It was a lot of prayer, influences from people from the Christian fellowship that he recommended and the church that I later went to, and just a lot of fun times and realization that there is something better in than what this world has offered to me. Also, it was a lot of fun as well.

Anyway, I believed that I was special when I was kid. I believed that I was going to do something great in this world and that the world would remember me. What I learned from church and some other Christians is that we are all special and that God knows each of us by name individually, because He created everything and everybody in this world. Even though this world has taught me that I am just like everyone else...I'm not famous or popular, or even well liked; these things are not important as what God thinks of you and what He thinks of your life in this planet. Other people will put you down, hurt you physically or mentally, and even threaten or take your life; but what can they do to you after you are dead?

Anyway, I initially went to Japan in 2006 for a job, but later I felt like my purpose was to share with the kids I was teaching and the people that I was working with that God loves them and that regardless of what others think of you or what happens to you, God is good and that they have a greater purpose on this planet than what school they get into, or what kind of job they will have, or even who they will marry. None of this really matters in the grand scheme of things and what matters more is that God has better plans for you and that they are clean, fun, and life giving.

I wanted the people to realize God's love through my actions rather than words. And to some extent, people saw that I was a nice guy, but I failed to add the extra step that this is all because of what God has done in my life and not from myself alone.

I returned to America disillusioned with Japan and my purpose there as well. What purpose did I have there? Why did I even go in the first place? Yes, for a job, but what was the deeper meaning as to why I was there? And maybe that was the problem, I couldn't see what had happened in the grand scheme of things; I didn't think about why I'm even here in the first place. And even if I made no difference in Japan, God can still work there. But I suspect, for better or worse, I made a small difference there. I'm not perfect and I made mistakes in my conversations and relationships there, but sometimes you just have to trust and pray for the people you left behind so that they will experience God with what influence you made. Part of me thinks that I will return to Japan someday...but I do not know when.

Talking with my friends, one of them told me that you do not become an accomplished musician magically right away on your first try. You will sound bad and you will make a lot of mistakes, but if you keep working at it, get the right teaching, perform for others and learn more about the craft, you can become pretty good at it. But it's a process that takes years if not a lifetime to achieve. In the same way, in all things, faith, life, relationships, teaching or hobbies, you have to put in the time to become good at it, and you will make mistakes. Even if you do become good at it, there will always be something that you can do to make it better.

What Japan has taught me is that hope is not lost even when things seem pretty dim or dark. Good things can still come from mistakes or bad experiences. How big is your God? Do you believe that He can work all things for good and those who love Him?

In class today, we were talking about appreciation of something. One guy talked about how he was learning violin when he was a kid and then he was interned and his teacher still made him practice. Violin back then in the 40s was thought of as "namby pamby" (girly) to guys and he was embarrassed to play it in camp. The places where they lived was all open area and to practice he would have no privacy and everyone would be hearing his mistakes and out of tune playing. Violin is really hard to make it sound like the professionals do. Even though he does not play violin anymore, he can appreciate how some people can make the violin sing and the degree of difficulty it takes to make it sound like that.

I guess what I'm trying to say, (taken from insights of the book "for the weight of glory,") is that we do not appreciate something unless it is something that we have experience in. How can someone appreciate something that they have not experienced? Unless you can experience what it takes to do something that someone else is doing well, you most likely will not know anything about how hard it is and appreciate how good they are at it fully.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that do not be so quick to judge others at what they do, because you do not know what they have experienced and why they are the way they are. Try to understand why they are the way they are and realize that God has created them as well and that they too are special. A lot of why people are not so good is not just choosing to learn from something or not, it is actually people "reaping what they sow." Meaning if you plant seeds that will be thistles and thorns, you will get thistles and thorns. If you plant good seed to get a crop, you will get a crop. The seed will grow what it is designed to grow. Another way of saying this is, "Garbage in, Garbage out."

God can do great things in a person's life, but really, someone has to care enough to be part of that person's life. I guess that's why I'm writing this topic...people cared enough to be part of my life and point me in the right direction for me to get where I am today. I had to do the work, but without their guidance, I wouldn't be in this place that I am now.

One last thing, my brother that talked with me about Jesus that night after the baseball game was praying for me ever since he became Christian when he was in college. I was in Jr. High and he was praying for me over 5 years for me to come to know God. Finally, my freshman year of college, I accept Christ. Sometimes we are powerless to change others, but do not underestimate God who can do much more than we can ever ask for or ever see. The God who is unseen and unknown to this world is a good God. Another of my friends said, "do not underestimate the power of prayer. God hears your requests." Amen.

I admire those who are actually going to Japan

2011-04-12T15:31:00.003+09:00

One of my coworkers felt the need to go to Japan, because he felt that God wanted him to see what was going on there. I do not know what purpose God had for him there, only that I do not have that kind of faith to go to Japan as he did.

Radiation is worse over there and it is spreading all over the world. Maybe my love of my own life is greater than my love for God. As Jesus said, "He who wishes to save his life will lose it. But he who loses his life for My sake, will find it." In living for God, my friend is finding out more of what God had created him here on this earth to do. What great stories he'll have when he returns home.

Anyway, I've been thinking about Japan a lot recently. This is Japan's 3rd nuclear incident (first two being the atomic bombs on southern Japan.) There is still some consequences for the Japanese people in Southern Japan, but I feel that Japan will get through this. Somehow, I feel that God lets these natural and man made disasters to happen and yet still great good can come out of them, despite the great evil and loss. What the leaders of the church tell me is that "God is in control." No matter how out of hand things become, He is in control and He is good.

Some of my friends have family doing missions in Japan still. They did not leave for the safety of their home countries despite the radiation fears and dangers. Even one of their fathers came over the help with relief efforts. There is still so much to do and so much to pray for, but it seems like through the toughest of times, we need God to help us. And in these times, if we never struggle, we never seem to need God at all.

The Israelites in the Bible always seemed to turn to God during the rough times, and in times of plenty and good fortune, they would forget God and something would happen. I've been learning that you can live in comfort, but by doing so, you are not taking chances for God.

Has nothing changed?

2010-12-14T16:12:00.004+09:00

It has been 3 years since I've come back from Japan. People have slowly changed, but I feel like maybe I've reverted back to who I was a long time ago. I don't say much anymore, and I feel like I'm getting depressed. I know that change doesn't always happen automatically, but it does happen when one changes how one lives. What you do differently in your life on a habitual basis and stick-to-ittiveness on your change will create that change in your life.

I feel that maybe I've gone back to being who I used to be because I went back to doing the same things of that time period. I believe that the choices you make today determine your future and the path you walk on tomorrow. Not saying that you'll go to the extreme of that path, but a slight change in direction on a long journey does lead you to a way different place than you aimed for.

Remember in the Bible that Jesus says that "great is the path that leads to destruction and many find it. But narrow is the gate that leads to eternal life and few find it."

I remember so long ago, I was near destruction and I got help from a lot of people who helped me make some good decisions with my life. It started out with making small steps in what I did everyday and what I chose to do in hard situations and in my free time. Little things here and there do make a big difference in the end, and it has made a huge difference in my life.

Nowadays however, I feel that I'm just not making good decisions with my life. I wonder if I'm starting to go blind. Well, you only have one life and you can do whatever you want with it. However, in some places, people do not have this freedom. We in America forget that we are part of a larger world and that we must help others in different places to experience freedom and life. There are some people who are helping others find that, even though not every organization helps those in need. I encourage you to make a small difference in someone else's life, whether in your local area, or far away, or even during this Christmas season, a volunteering of your time or gifts or food for people in need.

Whatever it is, think of someone else you can help, because we can create a lot of good in this world if we make decisions to help those who need help. If we do nothing, then we have wasted what God has given us, because God does wish to make a difference in this world, and He does make a difference in this world, but we are needed to be part of His people and force to help others in this world.

Anyway, prayer has helped me in so many ways. If you can't give anything, please pray for those on your heart. I believe that God wants to do so much in this world, however, He wants us to be a part of it and to see Him at work through us. Whether through success or failure, we can learn from everything that we do. And we are created to do good works, as the Apostle Paul says.

We have choices to make here. What will you change in your life? Are you happy with where you're at now? Are you happy with what you're doing here on earth? It's your life...as the song goes, "are you who you want to be?"

Friday Fellowship

2010-10-23T15:49:00.005+09:00

One thing I missed in Japan was the friendship that I had at my Friday fellowships back home. It was a group of people that I've known for several years. They had gotten to know me, and I got to know them. Granted we didn't know everything about each other given the fact that everyone has so much about them to learn. I missed the familiarity of people who knew me and didn't really judge me because they knew who I am.

Anyway, when it hit around this time of year in 2006, I was starting to feel a little homesick. I had gotten there in August and I was starting to feel the stress of working in the school system and not knowing anyone there in the city. It is really hard to get to know people in Japan...well, at least for me, it was hard, because I don't drink. But I had no idea who the other foreign teachers were in the city.

When I went to my friend's wedding in Osaka, I met all of my friends from church and Friday fellowship again from the States. I wasn't that close to them, but being in that group again brought back a sense of belonging and friendship that I didn't realize that I had. It was a sense that I was "home" again.

I know that we all need friendship and I didn't really realize it until I was all alone in Japan. In Japan, you need to find your own group. Your group that you can count on and who will be there for you and you for them. It's really hard to find. For me, there was a small group of teachers who taught in the same city and worked for the same company as I did. They reached out to me and extended a hand of friendship. However, I did not really be much of a friend to them as I am a little antisocial and it is hard for me to express myself to people that I do not know well. However, I did not get by in Japan by myself, and I am thankful that there were other people there who were nice enough to share a little bit of their lives with me.

Anyway, being the lost kid that I was, I invested all my energy into trying to do a good job so that I could stay another year in Japan. My day consisted of waking up to go to work, doing my job, coming home and cooking dinner, watching TV while I worked on my lessons for the future, and blogging about my experiences on this blog, then going to sleep exhausted from the full day then starting the day over again. One thing that I must mention is that I did not sleep well in Japan. I had no heater for the cold winter (even though it was a mild winter at the time,) and being the cheap punk that I am, I only had one futon for the wooden bed that I slept in and woke up several times a night because my back hurt from it. (Yeah, that was stupid...)

My point is that I invested so much of time into work and trying to keep a job that I missed out on experiencing some great things in Japan. I missed out on exploring the area, taking pictures while I was there, and just learning to interact with the natives. I missed out on eating some native Japanese food as well.

At Friday fellowship tonight, I learned that we have a limited number of days on earth. God has numbered our days of our life and we only have so long to live. When we put things in perspective, and look at the fact that we do not have an infinite amount of time, the important things to you that get pushed aside by the urgent things become priority and you learn to subtract rather than add things to your life.

"Take it to the limit" is the study we're going over in Friday fellowship. Great video series so far. Must say that I'm impressed with the message and the simplicity of how great life can be if we get things in the right order.

How this relates to Japan is that I missed out on what could have been a greater experience than I had. If I got my priorities straight, do less to do more, and gave God the first part of my day, then I believe that I could have done so much better. Guess better late than never...but thank God for learning this now.

Movin' on

2010-09-28T15:32:00.002+09:00

Seems like that's the way things go. You can't dwell in the past forever, you have to learn from it, pick up the pieces and move forward. By learning and trying not to make the same mistakes twice, you can become a better person in the future.

I always wondered why I went to Japan. I wondered why I was there, what difference I was making there...and I think that the purpose God had me there for was mainly for me. I failed in so many ways, because I was not professional. I didn't know how to get by in the working world or even do well there. But I will always remember the smiles on the kids' faces when I taught a great lesson, and also some of the teachers there that I highly respected and liked. I will also remember my failures there especially with the 5th and 6th graders. I just didn't know how to teach them as they were way different than the 4th and below. Anyway, there was a lot I didn't understand about Japan, but I'm glad that God gave me an opportunity to teach and live there for a little bit.

One thing that seems clear is that "man was made to work." It was determined before any of us was born. But my goal was not so much to do a good job there...even though I wanted to do a good job and worked on lessons constantly in my free time...my goal was to help others see Christ in me. I wonder if that happened, or if they saw some stupid American who was nice and couldn't teach English. Whether or not they saw either, I really wanted to help others come to know why I'm still here...what God has done in my life. But a lot of things got lost because I couldn't tell them (as a rule) about Jesus. I hoped that my actions would speak louder than words...and in some sense, I had good and bad actions. I tried to help, but sometimes, I felt that my presence made things more complicated. I really hope that the kids will venture outside of Japan and experience God in a country that is not so much against Jesus. But then again...maybe that's wishful thinking.

Anyway, a memory from the past of Yamanashi has come up and I think that it is out of my life now...I'm really sad about that. But I know that we each must find our own path in life. I hope that my friend will continue to follow the narrow path that leads to Jesus. Anyway, live and learn and move on. As one person said,

"I have my life, and you have your life. If we meet it's a beautiful thing. But afterward we go our separate ways."

That seems to be true in a lot different parts of my life. Well, no sense dwelling in the past. I need to learn from this and pick up the pieces and move forward. We all have our own lives to lead. We all have our own decisions to make. Whether for better or for worse, every action has a consequence.

I am glad that we met. It was a much needed change in my life. But like many good things, they cannot last.

Life was like a box of chocolates...

2010-09-20T11:40:00.003+09:00

So I built a shrimp cage with help from my friend. $25 at home depot getting the materials, and I have a shrimp cage. I can't wait to test it out. Reminds me of Forrest Gump. "I only caught 3." "If you get 3 more you could have a cocktail. heh"

What I love about that movie is that someone who wasn't supposed to be successful in life had all these wonderful experiences. It's like God led him through each part and because of his goodness of heart and what God had given to him, he did some great things. Even though it's fiction, my friends and family tell me, "if you really believe in God, you'll believe that He has a plan for your life."

I guess with recent events in my life, I have more time to discover what I'm here for. I keep on wondering "why was I created?" "What am I going to do here?" I don't know for sure, and one of my friends is encouraging me to live for God. But I fail to see where I can serve at. The only thing that I do now feeding the homeless once a month and that's it. I could help out with boardgame night which is next week, but I kind of wonder if I'll scare people away...anyway...

One message that I heard in Japan, (actually from a cd from my home church in the states) was that the parable of the talents is not about the money. God will give you talents according to your skill, but it doesn't matter if you lose it all, or if you make more. What matters is that you use the talents God gives you to further His kingdom. It's not about the money that God's worried about, it's about you growing and trying to help other to find God as well. If you are afraid and fail to use them, then God will take them away later on. (note talents is a sum of money in the bible...) Anyway, this is not about money, but using what God has given you to do something worthwhile here on earth.

I'm not sure if I should help out or not, but we'll see. Maybe I will. I feel that what my friend said today about Christians...that we have lost our backbone in having the heart for God and people. That we fail to do what God has created us to do in this world. The reason we fail is that we don't learn from God, change our minds so that we will be more like God, and we don't act where God wants us to act. When I think about some of the programs and how hard it is to find people to help out with them, it just makes me wonder...should I help out? Or what is God telling me to do?

Anyway, I'm not in good spiritual health, but I want my life to count for something on this planet. I want to help others to come to know God, but as of right now, I feel like I'm pushing others away from God. How can I tell others of God when I don't have things right in my own personal life? I guess I don't have to be perfect, but I know that sometimes, you have to try to point people towards Him despite the flaws that we have. And the point is not the good works that you do, but the heart behind what you do. If your desire is to truly help others because you love God and love people, then that's doing well. But I do believe that you can grow in love for people that you do not love if you serve them and get to know them. So it's not always having the correct heart beforehand, I guess...but it does help. However, if things were to go wrong...then I guess it would depend on your faith. Who do you turn to in a crisis? Hopefully to God.

Anyway, yeah, I guess maybe I need to get going on some things.

Life in the states

2010-09-11T17:31:00.002+09:00

So recent events have brought up memories of Yamanashi. I can't help but think about my time there and what I was doing there. I didn't do anything wrong or bad, but I was clueless as to what I should be doing there. I admit, I have come a long way since then, but I have not reached the place where I want to be. I still feel like a teenager or kid in many ways, and I don't think that I'll feel like an adult anytime soon.

Anyway, my coworkers tell me that I act like I'm 25. I feel like I'm 22. Maybe in some ways that's a good thing, but even when I was a kid, I couldn't wait to grow up, and now that I'm that age, I can't seem to leave behind my life as a kid. I guess I never really knew what being a grownup was about until I started to have a job...a real job.

My first real job was teaching English in Japan. I didn't quite have the maturity to be a professional. I wasn't quite sure how to act with the teachers as I felt like I just couldn't cut it...and I didn't. But as I went on to my next job, I found that I fell back a little bit further because the work environment was so lax.

Now, we're becoming more professional in our workplace and they had a serious talk with me about this. They told me that they wouldn't know where I would fit in the company as we grew. They wouldn't know where to place me and how I would be able to do my job efficiently. In a sense they were telling me to shape up or ship out in a nice way. They have been really forgiving of my actions and I'm lucky to even have this job still. I just wonder, where do I belong? Is it doing this job or working toward something else? I know that God has been leading my life through each step and that He wants me to learn how to do a job professionally.

Yamanashi taught me that if I want to do something that I really want to do, then I will need to be prepared for it, grow, and learn as I go...which I did to some extent. But circumstances caused me to leave, which I believe is what God wanted me to do. I've been learning life as I go along, and having good friends and family helps too. Granted they cannot be there at every moment and sometimes you just need to think about things and learn from them yourself and discuss them after you have thought about them. And if you have faith, you turn to God for direction and help to understand what happened, and to learn from your mistakes and to make sure that you don't make them again and that you will be successful next time.

Pretty basic stuff, I know. But I'm still trying to get this down. I'm still trying to grow and become more mature. However, I'm still pretty naive and young at heart. I wonder where I'll be going in this world.

My mom was telling me, "Life is a journey. It's not about making it to the end destination, even though that is your goal. Try to enjoy the moment that you have right now and live experiencing this time and remember it." Sometimes, you only have today. You will never know what will happen tomorrow, but as Jesus says not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I wonder what life will be like in 10 years. But I know that it won't be better if I don't grow and change into a better person. I do feel that life has been good to me. I do feel that I'm a better person than I was 10 years ago. Even though I'm going through this mid-life stage right now, I think that no matter what happens, even if I become homeless...God will get me through this all and that I will be able to grow and become a better person by choosing what I feel is right and what I feel that He wants me to do.

Maybe I'll be alone for the rest of my life...but who knows what the future will bring.

Learning to bow

2010-08-31T15:13:00.002+09:00

I started reading "Learning to Bow" by Bruce Feiler. I must say that some things that happened or could have happened in my time in Japan became clearer after reading some of the insights that he got from his time teaching English in Japan. I couldn't help but have this sense of emotion come over me and wonder why nobody ever told me these things. I guess no one will tell you something that probably a lot of people know already or if no one asks these questions and they never come up, then probably they never will bring it up.

I always wonder why I went. Part of it seems like I wanted to try something new with my life. I wanted to experience what life could be. My life was pretty mundane as I was dying at my current job and not liking the hours of the graveyard shift. Also, I didn't want to spend my life in that company doing a job that anybody could do.

Part of me also wanted to experience what life was like in Japan and see where part of me came from. It was a tough experience as I did not have many contacts with foreign teachers and I stayed in my apartment most of the time working on lessons for the future and watching TV. I missed out on a great opportunity to learn more about Japan by not going to places there. Maybe that's just who I am. I just don't go out of my way to visit people or make trips to be social. Maybe I just don't have it in me to reach out to others or step out of my comfort zone...

Anyway, I keep on thinking about Japan. How am I going to come to terms with my time there. I think that maybe the only way is to go back and see what I missed out on over there. Maybe the way to heal a wound is to go back to the source of the wound...maybe not...but who knows. I still have lots of unanswered questions and unresolved feelings there.

I really don't know what I'm doing with my life. The time passes by so quickly, and it has been 3 years since I returned back to America. What am I doing with my life...

Obligations

2010-06-18T16:40:00.002+09:00

If you can't fulfill your obligations, does that mean that you aren't true to your word? I find that it's tough and that you need a higher standard and a good sense of what you can and can't do to fulfill your words.

Words shouldn't be cheap and easy to come by and should be taken seriously. However, when I went to Japan, I found that I couldn't fulfill my obligations to my words.

Anyway, it takes a high standard to keep your words, because people will expect you to fulfill them. However, being foreign in Japan, I felt that I could always leave Japan if things didn't work out. And when things didn't work out in Japan, I left.

I'm sure people have forgotten about me by now. I don't know if I can ever go back to Japan because I'm reminded of just how I failed at my job there and keeping in touch with the people that were so kind to me.

Anyway, it was a good experience to move away and to live on my own and I'd highly recommend taking that chance to live in Japan, even if it's for a little while. But one thing that I must say is that while Japan has expectations of you to fulfill, you shouldn't feel like you should be forced to fulfill them. While you need to try to fit into Japanese society, you shouldn't do something if it goes against what you feel is right. Sometimes things aren't black and white, but will be shaded in gray and unclear as to what is the correct answer. I live with some of the uncertainty of my living there had on the people there. I have no idea if I caused some kids to hate English, or America, or even Japanese Americans. But with all my worries of life, I shouldn't worry about things that I cannot help and just pray that God will take care of them and work in their lives. You can't spend life worrying about what you can't help, but you can spend life asking God who cares about everyone to help people that you care about.

Anyway, I think about Japan now and then and even though it was 3 years ago, I still think about my time there every time I make tacos and curry (food I made in Japan), and study Japanese. The uncertainty of the future for these kids makes me worry about if I did a good enough job teaching them English, but I hope that they will be adventurous enough to go out of Japan and explore other countries.

When I started teaching in Japan, I felt that I could change these kids' lives by helping them get interested in foreign countries. But I felt that I failed and that maybe I was a poor witness to the kids and teachers. Guess I got to get my act together, learn from my mistakes and move on. Can't keep dwelling in the past, because it's over and gone.

2 things I missed in Japan

2010-01-15T14:59:00.004+09:00

In Japan, it's rare to see a place with an oven built in. I don't know why they don't have ovens in every apartment, but apparently it's not that common. Maybe in houses in Japan they have ovens.

Anyway, the reason I missed ovens so much was that I love pizza and I couldn't find it in too many places. Eventually toward the end, I started ordering delivery pizza from a pizzeria, but it still wasn't that good, and it was pretty pricey.

I remember buying pizza from this convenience store whenever they had it. It was pretty decent, but I really hated when they only had the vegetable pizza there which had potatoes and corn on it. But I ate it anyway, because it reminded me of home.

Anyway, I keep on thinking about my time in Japan...I'm wondering if I should go back someday just to explore Japan and see what I missed. Right now, I don't have the funds and I need to start saving more for my future. It was sad though just to hear about some things that happened in Japan. Murders, stabbings, just some bad people messing with kids by scaring them (I was mistaken for one of them.) But overall, it was nice to be there. The service there was the best, there were a lot of people that looked like me, and I felt like I really met some of the best people I've ever met, despite some of the people that weren't so nice.

Anyway, I guess it's time for me to move on and create new adventures in Japan sometime in the future...Whether I go by myself or with friends, I think it will be a good experience to go back. I can't visit the schools that I taught at, or even possibly go back to the area that I was in, but at least I can see a lot of what I missed the first time.

Traveling takes planning, and I did none of that the first time. I want to see Osaka and possibly even Kyushu. Hopefully I'll have my Japanese up to par when I go. Japan is really a beautiful place. Despite the metropolis' of Tokyo and Osaka, there is so much scenery everywhere you go in Japan. I remember there was a rice field next to some skyscrapers on my high school trip there. Anyway, I should look up some old pictures I have of that place.

Switchfoot has gotten me through more than you know

2010-01-14T16:02:00.004+09:00

It seems like the times when I'm going nuts thinking about depressing things I find encouragement in Switchfoot. Maybe it's the messages they sing about in the songs or the upbeat tempo...but I can honestly say that when I was in Japan, and I needed encouragement from anything, so I turned to Switchfoot.

In Japan, I was alone for most of my time. Not being able to speak the language well and being sort of an antisocial person, I didn't hang out with too many people. I should have spent more time with the other English teachers, but I felt so out of place. Man, I was not ready for Japan...and I wonder exactly what purpose I had in going there.

Anyway, part of me just wants to be alone and listen to music, like "Oh Gravity!" Or "Amateur lovers." The song that always captivates me is "Yesterdays." It's in remembrance of a friend that passed away and the loss that everyone feels because he/she is gone. I feel that even though people are gone in our lives, we have to "carry on" and toil here on earth. I still can't get over this song...part of the chorus goes like this

I remember you like yesterday, yesterday
I still can't believe you're gone oh
I remember you like yesterday, yesterday,
And until I'm with you I'll carry on.

I guess the people that are gone in our lives will always be part of our lives somehow. Even though we may never see them again in this life, we have hope for the next life.

Anyway, maybe because I'm a cynical person, I can identify with the lyrics of switchfoot. They are uplifting and encouraging to say the least and they inspire me to do something with my life while touching the reality of drudgery that this life brings. I want more than this life is giving me now and I fail to see what good I'm doing here. I guess the little things count in the end huh?

I always wonder if life is just pointless and we do the same things everyday over and over again...but the great thing about Switchfoot is that it seems like they capture some essence of the youth of life and broken dreams and the yearning for something better.

Maybe I'm hyping it up too much, but to me, it encourages me to do better.

Japanese American

2009-11-24T14:43:00.003+09:00

Japan was hard to live in. I basically didn't know what I was getting myself into, because I had no idea what it was like over there. It's not a bad place and it's fairly comfortable, but if you are not proactive in making friends there and finding a group, it's going to be hard for you...which was my problem.

In Japan, there are "in groups," and "out groups." Your in group is your close set of friends who you share your intimate thoughts and feelings with. Mainly it is who you can truly be yourself with.

The out groups are people that you keep at a certain distance. You don't tell them too much about your personal life all the time and you don't hang out with them that often. Sometimes you fake things so that you can fit in. For example, you fake an emotion or response and use tatemae so that you will be accepted.

Which brings two more things to the table. There are two types of selfs in Japan. Tatemae, which is your face that you use when you're putting up an impression of yourself so that you will look good. And honne, which is your true self which people don't see that often. To survive in Japan, people use both of these, but not always. Anyone who does a job there will have to use tatemae sometime in their life. But you don't have to.

Well, my experience there was that I tried to love the people there unconditionally. But what I found was that some teachers who I thought were my friends, were complaining about me to the head teachers without even telling me. But some teachers, I felt were really great people and turned out to be really great people. But for the most part, I never could tell who was who in Japan. Maybe I just didn't understand the culture well enough and maybe I was too beat up from all of the complaints to care anymore.

Anyway, one thing about kids though, is that they usually use their honne and don't understand the concept of tatemae...well, at least the elementary school kids. So I could always count on what they expressed at the time as their true feelings, even though some kids didn't like me. heh.

Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this post. But I feel that Japan is a total foreign place to me even though I am part Japanese and have a Japanese last name. I guess I'm more American than I am Japanese. However, as one of my friends expressed to me his struggles of being Japanese American in Japan was that Japanese people expect you to know the culture if your Japanese...even if you're Japanese American. However as Americanized as we are, we don't understand and that makes it tougher.

Think of a person who grew up in a foreign country yet has American parents yet isn't very American. They look American but they don't ACT American. Most likely, you would think that they are European. But in Japan, because you look Japanese and don't act Japanese, they think you're being rude because they THINK you ARE Japanese and know the customs. When you don't do or say what is expected, you are met with dislike.

However, that's not true for all people. But I can say that I've had a few experiences in Japan where people did not take kindly to me and I never knew why. Anyway, I left Japan disillusioned and not really having fond memories of my time there even though I did have some good memories.

I will always remember the faces of the people that I truly respected. I felt that they were being genuine with me and I left with good memories of them. I guess that's what I always treasured the most about my time in Japan, was that I met some great people there. But what I'll also remember is that it is really hard to live in Japan and some people there need more help to become better people.

It's kind of like moving a mountain. You can push all you want to try to topple it, but most likely, you'll leave changed rather than the mountain being changed. But one day, I hope that people will come to know Christ there in Japan. I guess I was a poor witness...

thoughts...of a lost soul

2009-11-13T16:34:00.005+09:00

I remember that I decided to go to an extra day of training on a Saturday with my company in Tokyo. I wasn't expecting much, but hopefully I'd get some ideas that would help me teach a lesson or two. I took the local train from Kai city to Tokyo. I remember it stopping at every stop and I remembered that I had to catch it at 6am. I was lucky to even get to the train station at 6am, as I am not able to do that nowadays.

I wrote a blog post about this earlier found under November 5th, 2006. You can scroll down after you click on this link here or just go to my November posts on the wall to the left.

Anyway, I remembered that it was the first time I met anyone who was an English teacher in my city. It was refreshing to say the least that some ALTs went through the same things as me. I kind of wish that I was more social and that I made some efforts to talk to them more. But me being anti-social I tend to keep to myself and just watch TV or not do anything.

The English teachers in my city helped me get through Japan. I was a lost kid who didn't know anything about anything even though I was 26. I kind of wonder if I should try to go out more and do new things. But then there a comes a part of me that says, "with who?" I wished that I had tried to be more adventurous when I was in Japan, even if it was by myself.

I must say that in my time in Japan, I met some great people, some not from Japan, and some from Japan. I just didn't have it in me to venture out and I missed out on a great opportunity to get know some great people. No sense crying over spilled milk, and I'm sure everyone has moved on with their lives. But part of me hasn't come to grip with what I experienced in Japan. I still think about it every now and then and wonder "what was my purpose in going there?" "Why did I even go?"

Part of me is glad that I went though. I experienced something new and that's more than I've ever done on my own. Part of me wants to go back and just travel and make plans to see things there. I guess going to Japan really helped me to see that I don't want to live there and it also taught me that I don't know very much about Japanese people. When I came back to the states, things that people said about Japan made a lot more sense. "Japanese is a very vague language. It can mean several different things and even Japanese people can't always tell what the other person means." I honestly think that if I grew up in Japan, I'd be dead by now, because weakness is not helped by others. Or so goes my opinion...Some people will try to help out, but it can be a very dog eat dog place with the competitiveness and just how everyone is trying to excel over their neighbors.

Anyway, I don't think that I can do any type of ministry there...it's just too hard and I think I'd go nuts. I wonder though, if I ever go back to Japan, will I be happy that I went to visit? Or will all these memories come flooding back. Some good, some bad.

Anyway, as I'm finding out even here in the states, "I'm all alone," and I always will be. That's just who I am. Finding people who will support you and who you can support is tough. But when I say that "I'm all alone," that's not necessarily true. God will always be with me and He is my strength when I am weak. When I look back at my time in Japan, I saw that I lacked spending time with God. For some reason, I just could not pray. I was always worried about keeping my job. Well, the job ended even though I tried so hard, but God did not abandon me. And that is what keeps me going, because sometimes that's all I need. Not saying that I did this all alone, but I believe that God worked things out for me in Japan and that even though things didn't turn out the way I wanted them to, I learned a lesson about the good in people's hearts, being foreign in a foreign country, and just how much people need some of God's love in their lives.

This world beats us down and if we don't play the game, we fall behind. Everyone needs to play the game, but not everyone needs to put people down who suck at the game (ie people who are not successful.) It's not always putting people down, but our views on others who aren't like us or who are from a different social class and our prejudices. But God who created the heavens and the earth loves everyone and accepts everyone as they are. I wonder how long it will be until things are made right in this world. But that probably won't happen in our lifetime...not saying that people deserve judgment, but I hope that people can show love to one another the way God shows love to us everyday.

It was about this time that I...

2009-11-12T14:35:00.003+09:00

When I was working in Japan, I worked a lot of hours, even though I didn't really do much at my planning time at school, I worked at home to get stuff done and basically had no free time at all. It was November 2006 when I started to miss home. I left for Japan August 2006 and was feeling pretty homesick. One of my favorite memories of Japan was going to a friend's wedding in Japan. He grew up in Oregon, but his parents are from Japan and he met his wife at the church that I went to at home and they were getting married in Japan.

I didn't know him too well, but I was thankful that I even went to visit them in Osaka. (I was in Yamanashi which is one prefecture West of Tokyo.) I didn't go to the wedding, which was on Thanksgiving (not a holiday in Japan heh,) and took the local train to get to another prefecture to take the shinkansen (bullet train.) The train ride was long, because there was no shinkansen line close to where I lived. So getting to that line took me about 3 hours. After that, it took another 2 hours to get to Osaka. It was starting to get cold in Japan...about 55-60 degrees Farenheit and I wore only a t-shirt and polyester jacket that looked like leather.

The crazy thing was that I miscommunicated when I was going to come. I left Friday night (the wedding was Friday afternoon), and they thought I was coming on Saturday. When I got to the train station I was supposed to meet them at, I couldn't find them at all. First thing I did was call them, which was a miracle that I got through, because my friend turned off his cell phone. (Thank God that turning off your cell phone in Japan doesn't always stop calls.) My other friend who used to live in Osaka for missions came and picked me up at the train station. He gave me directions on how to find him and we caught the 2nd to last train back to our station.

It was a crazy time in my life. If I had spent the night at the train station, I would have felt even worse than I did then. I was so lonely and I didn't really have any friends in Japan. Trying to get into a group of Japanese people is really tough, because Japanese people only have about 10-20 good friends that they call their true friends in their whole entire life and even that number is pretty high. The rest are acquiantences and you really don't get to see who they really are or what they really think. I had no life in Japan and I really wanted to come home.

It was a breath of fresh air to meet my friends again. One of my friends told me that I lost weight. Looking back at some of the pictures, I looked pretty good, but lost a lot of muscle.

We went to Todaiji temple where the biggest indoor Buddha was in all of Japan. Fed some deer on the way (there are deer in the temple gardens.) And went to a gyoza circus and ate some great gyoza. That was the highlight of my whole trip to Japan...just spending time with friends that I knew and were familiar with. I didn't see much of Japan besides that, because I was working and I was being lame in not wanting to leave my apartment. But it truly was the best time of my working time in Japan.

Looking back, it was the first time that I really got to see a side of my friend that I hardly knew. I think we were kind of acquiantences back then, but today we know each other a little better. Today, I go to his and his wife's fellowship and I feel at home there. We even play World of Warcraft sometimes.

I'm finding that I have so many memories of my time in Japan and that I missed out on so much that I could have done. But tomorrow is gone and there's only today. Maybe someday, I'll go back to Japan and explore the areas. I miss the ramen there...my favorite part of eating in Japan. heh

Memories part II

2009-09-19T17:48:00.004+09:00

One thing that I'll always remember about teaching in an elementary school was the school lunch. I must say that Japanese food in America is NOT Japanese food in Japan. It was hard to eat some of the foods there as part of the time it was small little fishes about 1-2mm long that looked back at me. I almost threw up because I was thinking about what I was eating rather than enjoying the taste. What got me most was the texture and not the taste of the food.

The textures were sometimes gooey, or chewy and sometimes didn't break off easily. For example, some of the mushy black vegetables or I think it was fish cake made me gag, because I never ate that type of food before. It was a new experience to me and I realized that you don't experience what a country is actually like until you go there. However, some things that I never tasted before were good like pumpkin soup. The type of soup was a local dish that was a specialty of that area.

Each part of Japan has its own distinct dish that they specialize in. While my parents were traveling Japan, they tried this special type of katsu I think. They really liked it and I would recommend to all travelers who travel to Japan to try the special dish of the region that you're in.

One type of food that's good in Hiroshima is Okonomiyaki. Pronounced oh coh no mee yah kee, with the yah being short like it doesn't have an "h. I tried Okonomiyaki in Sendai, which is far to the north in Miyagi Ken which was still pretty good.

Okonomiyaki is like Japan's pizza, but with an egg layer on the top and bottom and fried noodles with seafood or other meats in the middle. It can be basically anything you want inside of it. Wikipedia describes it as a pancake with a better description of it than me found here.

As wikipedia says, it's more common in the western area (kansai) of Japan or Hiroshima.

If you do go to the Kansai area, try Takoyaki, pronounced "taco yah kee." Tako means octopus and is quite tasty. It is basically a fried octopus ball with bonito flakes on top of it. The flakes rise and fall because of the heat of the ball and make it look like it's alive in some way. On top of it is some special sauce which could be called bbq sauce I guess...Definitely try it at a good place if you go to Osaka or are in the kansai region. Also, the whole ball is not octopus, but fried batter covering a small piece of octopus tentacle.

I talked about food for awhile just now, but that was a good part and a hard part about living in Japan. Definitely what Japanese people like is a different taste than what foreigners in Japan like. If you are lucky to be invited by the teachers to go to a restaurant for some special occasion, depending on if it's a izakaya (cafe type foods (fried chicken, croquette etc.) where you can drink alcohol) or a special Japanese style restaurant (sushi, potato type porridge, raw fish and other Japanese foods you probably never ate) you might have different experiences. At my going away party, I was brought to a Japanese specialty restaurant that all the teachers loved, but I had trouble eating the food. The teachers were a lot of fun though and I loved that school the most. I kind of wonder if they hate me now for not keeping in touch with them...I didn't even send a thank you letter to them thanking them for their kindness to me...which is rude by Japanese standards.

Always send a thank you letter to the schools if they do something nice for you. I learned this in high school, but didn't realize the consequences until about 3 months ago when my friend who came back from Japan didn't send a thank you letter to someone and they were hurt. It's not much, but all they want is for you to recognize their act of kindness to you. So don't be lazy, but send one as soon as you can when you leave for another area if you are transferred, or if you leave Japan.

Anyway, it's a crap shoot when you go to Japan. Some schools can be awesome to go to, and some schools can be very hard to work in, it all depends on the leadership of the school as each school is its own microcosm.

Memories part I

2009-09-18T15:31:00.003+09:00

3 years ago, I went to Japan to teach English for 7 months. I guess I never really knew what I was getting myself into. I only wanted to get out of my previous job before that and to actually do something that seemed to be worthwhile; to make something out of my life and help others to see the good parts of life. I thought that through teaching, I could do some of that.

That was, until I found out how hard teaching is. When I taught my first class, I used a lesson that the company that I worked for used. Even though the grammar wasn't totally correct or even used in English, the kids had fun and worked to complete the game that I used. The teacher that I worked with in that class said that I did a good job. However, not everything is as it seems in Japan.

One thing during training that they hammered down was that Japan is that the teachers will never tell you directly what they are thinking most of the time. They will work with you, but they will tell your superior about how they think you're teaching. If they have a problem with you, they won't tell you anything about it and just tell their superiors about it. My thoughts about this at first was that I couldn't believe that they would be so passive aggressive or not even tell you how to improve. But I can see why people don't tell each other these hard things...it's because they're the same level as you or they don't want to cause friction with their coworkers.

Maybe that's not always the reason, but definitely people do not tell you straight out what they're thinking or what they think about something. So I found it very hard to work in Japan. Some teachers would tell me how to improve and I found that helpful, but more often than nought, I got a lot of complaints from one school, suggestions from another school, and some help from the last school.

I can't blame them for complaining against me, because they were paying a lot of money to have me teach there. They even told me that I was getting paid a lot of money, so they expected better of me. But it wasn't so much the teaching, but more of the understanding of the culture that I didn't get.

From some of the company games, kids would be pitted against each other into two teams or more. The kids in Japan are highly competitive and get worked up when they lose. Japan is a place of harmony, or "faked harmony." The whole east philosophy about not making waves in the pond and trying to make sure that everyone gets along. There's nothing wrong with that, but when you combine western games that do put one against another, then you have a culture clash with the Japanese classroom.

There was this one game that I really liked, but was scolded over because it went against the culture. Rock paper scissors is meant to be a way of deciding who gets what and avoiding conflict. But the game that I taught them made it so that it brought more conflict. A game that you advance by doing rock paper scissors against another team. So I think it was more of a culture clash that I failed in Japan than my teaching.

However, my teaching sucked anyway and the lessons that the company provided didn't help. Some of the kids liked me, some of them hated me. I could tell that a few of the teachers were my friends, but a lot of them i couldn't tell. But even so there were a lot of friendly teachers that I highly respected.

I still have memories of Japan and a lot of stuff that I didn't understand. But reflecting back on these things is helpful to me and I plan to do more of it on this blog. I really wish that I was more responsible with my time. It seemed like all I did was plan lessons when school was over. I should have planned lessons at school and used their materials. But I bought all my materials and planned at my apartment. I really didn't get a chance to experience a lot of Japan. But I'm glad that I went. It was a good experience to be there and learn more about myself. I survived and I haven't regretted my friend's suggestion to go.

Everything has a purpose. But not everything is understood. That's what I like to believe.

Memories

2007-10-16T13:29:00.000+09:00

As I'm studying for the Japanese language proficiency test, I'm greatly reminded of my time in Japan. It was a hard, but good experience. I wish that I studied harder before I went, because it would have made things so much easier if I knew what they were saying to me.

As I'm now in the working world in the States, I'm reminded still of some of the lessons I learned back in Japan. Everyone is human and we will be fallible; but that shouldn't be an excuse of not to try to become someone better. And it's so easy to just sit back and not become any better in one's life.

Anyway, there were some extraordinary people that I met while teaching in Japan. A lot of the teachers were exemplary people. Some of the teachers I didn't get along with...and some of the teachers just had problems with me as I could not adjust well enough to Japan.

As I was leaving Japan and they knew that I was leaving, one of the teachers there seemed kind of sad that I was leaving. Well..there were a few that were sad, but this one I remember the most because she asked me about my personal life in Japan.

I remember how she tried to understand why I was leaving and took time to talk with me. None of other teachers really tried to ask or seem like they wanted to know why I was leaving. I felt that some of them wanted to, but maybe they thought that it wasn't their business.

Anyway, I kind of think that I should have stayed longer, but I also think that there would be a be a lot more struggles in terms of me staying and even more expectations to be met.

Anyway, being new at teaching, and trying to teach kids a foreign language that they haven't heard much of was a challenge. I hope that they continue to learn English and have fun with learning not only English but other languages as well.

Man, 6th grade was the toughest though...so many struggles, and I'm glad that I didn't teach Jr. High school. But still, they were great kids regardless and I'm glad they were part of my life for a little bit.

One thing that I'll always take from that experience of teaching English in a foreign country is that, it's different when you're in a foreign country. You don't know the language that well, you don't know the customs, and you don't know the correct manners. But it does teach you a lot about yourself and it does grow you. It also teaches you a lot about racism and your own country that you're from.

Note as my friend defined racism, "Racism is the majority oppressing the minority not only in terms of personal treatment or prejudice, but in terms of opportunities and oppression." So he told me, no Jon, WE can't be racist because we're not he majority (in America). In Japan though, I heard a lot from the foreign teachers the struggles they faced in being "different." They were Caucasian and they probably never faced that sort of racism much, but yeah, I couldn't say to them that minorities face that a lot...especially if you're African American. Maybe not in the same way, but definitely a lot of people do discriminate without really realizing it. Anyway, as I was told, Japan is a racist country. I won't argue that, but yeah, probably a lot of other places are racist to minorities...

Anyway, as my friend recommended that I go to Japan and experience teaching there and what it's like to be in a foreign country, I recommend it to almost anyone out there. Some things I recommend in addition to that is:

1. to find a support group there and back home

2.make friends with a Japanese person who can fill you in on the details of what just happened

3. to try to communicate with the people even if you don't speak the same language...try using pictures or gestures (hopefully no mean gestures) and communicate in other ways

4.to be active in your time there...travel, see Japan, visit restaurants

5. learn the language...there are teachers there who can teach you Japanese...or you can try to learn from a book and use it in the environment there. It's a great opportunity to expand your horizons and to see how hard, but rewarding it is to learn another language.

6. as my company suggested we do, to make a journal of our times there...whether it be good or bad, it will help you later on in life. Many years later, you might come across a similar experience and understand what happened so long ago, but in a different context.

Anyway, it's good to experience a different culture, but you've got to know that you really can't change anyone...it's up to God and the person's choice whether to change. You can point the way that you want them to go to, but it's up to them to choose where they want to go.

Anyway, my 2 cents. Definitely it will be a challenge to go to a different culture. But it will grow you if you make good choices. Definitely you got to think for yourself and be smart. Know yourself.

My last post

2007-04-27T00:37:00.000+09:00

I came home about 2 weeks ago. I didn't send out an email. But it was all good.

Anyway, I don't have much to say. Being home after being abroad for 7 months is a little different. But it's still the same as I am now recalling. Now I just need to find a job.

Anyway, i didn't explore my last days in Japan. I slept in and surfed the internet. heh. Oh well.

Now that I'm home...I'm forgetting a lot about Japan as I'm starting to readjust to the US. It's good though...

Airport

2007-04-15T12:17:00.000+09:00

So yesterday, the night before I was supposed to leave, I was packing till like 4am. I was kind of worried about the weight, so I kept on shifting stuff to make the bags equal. I think that I did a pretty good job at that. Then I went to sleep.

My friend woke me up because my alarm was going off. I didn't hear it at all. I was so tired. I got up anyway. I checked my email and stuff. Didn't do too much before I was supposed to leave, but I couldn't find my train ticket. So I was searching frantically for it. I thought that I put it in one of my bags, and I actually did. it was underneath a cd on the top of the bag. It was just sticking to the CD.

Anyway, I missed the train that I was supposed to take. There was a lot of traffic because of construction. Anyway, I'm just lucky that my friend gave me a ride. Usually the friend that I asked to give me a ride sleeps in on Saturdays...but he gave me a ride anyway.

I took the next train that left an hour later, which was okay, because I still had time...but I was a little worried. Note about the trains...if you miss the train, then you can't get a refund on your ticket. Mainly because I think that the Narita express was all reserved seats. So they can't make their money back if you miss the train and get a refund. But I just showed them my ticket and my friend asked for another ticket. I only had to pay the reserved seat price again and could use my old ticket as the train fare. In Japan, you have to pay the price of the distance and if you get a reserved seat or take a limited express, then you have to pay the price for that train. But you can do that at the ticket window.

I got to Narita. It was kind of funny how when I stood up early to get my bags, everyone else who was sitting down got up and just stood in a line until the train stopped. I was like...you don't have to do that...I was only doing that because I wanted to get ahead of the crowd. It was kind of weird to see all these American just standing next to their seat while the train was still moving.

Anyway, I got to the plane alright.

I didn't sleep on the plane. I watched two movies...one of which was "the good shepard" starring Matt Damon. Kind of disturbing and depressing movie. I definitely know that I'll never get involved in that kind of stuff. My conscience can't take that stuff. But it was kind of interesting to see what probably happens in that business.

I also watched "The pursuit of Happyness." heh. Happyness. heh. Oh man...good movie. Starring Will Smith. Crazy how hard some people have life. But definitely it's a movie about the American dream...by hard work and some good use of the mind, you can make it here. But definitely it's really really tough to do. Anyway, definitely money does come into play when the society depends on it to make society work. It's been a part of the human race for a long time. But definitely not everything in life.

anyway, I'm kind of tired right now. I can't really think even though I got just like 6 hours of sleep when I got home.

I'm happy to be home. Lots of things that I forgot about the comforts of home. Now I just need to beat all these video games. heh

Last day in Tokyo

2007-04-13T17:38:00.000+09:00

This post is nothing interesting. Seems like that's a trend after I finished teaching.

I didn't do very much today. I woke up...just goofed around for a little bit. I was kind of tired. I went to sleep too late last night. I was playing video games on my ds. Fire emblem is a great game. I must say however that it is pretty unforgiving if you make a mistake. You could end up losing a character as it's like a real life strategy battle. If you send your soldier too far forward, then the guys can gang up on you and kill him. He doesn't come back to life, so when you lose him, you lose him. Anyway, if you're interested in the game, I was playing Fire Emblem the Sacred stones. You can buy that for $20 off of Amazon right now. GBA (Game boy advance) game though.

Anyway, So I wake up. I'm kind of lonely still...I don't know why the heck that is. Maybe that's why I blog. I need to express myself somehow and I'm not very skilled at that when talking. So I called my parents today and talked to them. Found out some other news and also am looking forward to being home again. But still, I'm going to miss Japan.

So I procrastinate some more. It's already 12pm. Then I decide to go and check to see if I can ship one of my bags to the airport. The guy tells me that they need at least two days advance notice. My friend tells me to use Kuroneko yamato, but I'm doubting that it'll get there in time with my experience in how they shipped stuff to my place. But maybe I should have tried. Still don't know where to call them though, but I guess I could have asked. heh. Yeah, I hate asking. I guess that's why I'm in so much trouble all the time. Anyway, most of the time, I can't understand what the Japanese people are saying. I get some idea sometimes, but there's a lot of vocabulary that I don't know. Oh well...got to make use of my dictionaries and level up. heh.

Anyway, I'll most likely take a taxi tomorrow morning to the station and catch the Narita express from shinjuku. Shinjuku isn't too far away from my friend's place, so it shouldn't be too bad. It's kind of strange now. I think that 4000 yen isn't that much. I guess in Japan, it isn't that much. And seeing how I earned the most money I ever did in this job, even though it's not much, I kind of lost track of how much a dollar is worth. I used to have trouble spending a dollar because it's in a bill form. But the largest bills here at 1000 yen which is around $10. The money below is coins. Anyway, so I'll most likely take a taxi tomorrow.

I did ask my friend from Japan if he could give me a ride, but seeing as he's ill right now, I'm kind of wondering if I shoukdn't have done that. Anyway, maybe I should just take a taxi.

So I didn't take any more pictures here. Nothing really scenic in this area right here. In the city there are some places, but I woke up too late and I don't feel comfortable taking pictures when there are other people in the picture...especially if I don't know them. Anyway, maybe I'll have to do that next time if I decide to visit again. I'm not sure if I'll visit Yamanashi again. Seeing as how the people get shifted in the different schools, it'd be kind of weird to go back to a school and see a whole lot of different people that I don't know. But maybe I should send a postcard to the schools when I come back to the US.

Tonight, I'm supposed to eat with my friend that I'm staying with and two other people from my home church in the US. They're visiting Japan right now. Anyway, seeing as though I don't know them very well, I'll most likely not say too much during the meal. Not sure what they'll talk about. But it might be interesting. Anyway, most of the stuff I know about is video games, manga, anime, teaching elementary school kids English, and other stuff unrelated to what adults talk about. I guess my friend is right. I never grew up. heh.

Anyway, because I didn't have time to go...well..it's not that I didn't have time...it's more like I didn't want to go, I didn't go to Akihabara. Maybe I can find something at the airport. Don't know though. Anyway, maybe I can find some omiyage at the airport. Man, I really don't have room for it though...Oh well....sorry everybody at home.

Anyway, I got the games for the Bible study. That's at least one thing that I'm good at. Getting people video games. heh. Everything else, if it's not on Amazon or I can't get it online, then I can't get it. heh. That would require me to look around and browse in a setting where there are a lot of people. hmm...and Tokyo is way different than Yamanashi. So many people here. It's crazy.

About those games...those games might require someone with the knowledge of Japanese. Hopefully it won't be too heavily text driven. I'm wondering if I should have played those games first rather than just buying them because they looked like fun games. Oh well. Too late now. I'm leaving tomorrow.

Oh well...Anyway, one good thing about leaving Japan is that I'll be back in a familiar setting again and be eating familiar foods and able to understand most of the time what people are talking about. heh. But then there comes another thing...finding a job...

Oh well...I really didn't learn Japanese here. It's kind of hard to when you're speaking English most of the time. I did speak some Japanese, and I learned a few new words here and there. But I think that I most likely won't get good at it for awhile if I don't level up soon. That's another Japanese term. Level up...which was seen in Super Mario Brothers. 1up. Anyway, I guess my head teacher was right. I didn't level up here in Japanese. appu shitenai. My whole reason for coming to Japan was to experience Japan, which I kind of did, but also to learn Japanese. Maybe teaching isn't for me. It took me a long time to get things done. And it took me awhile to learn how to teach. But it was a good experience.

Japanese people are generally nice people. But they like a lot of people in America can be racist. It's not that they're bad people, it's just that their point of view just doesn't understand the whole world, which I nor probably anybody understands...except God. I think that is why God wrote through John, "If a man says, 'I love God' yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For a man who cannot love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he hasn't seen." Everyone on earth is related. We are all human beings. Even though we are all different, we are called to love our neighbor as ourselves. Even if they hate us.

But that doesn't mean give up your self respect. Sometimes loving them means showing them that they did something wrong. But in a way that is still loving them. Just like Ghandi did with the sermon on the mount to the British. Just like Martin luther King Jr. did in the south.

Anyway, but still, there are a lot of good Japanese people. Just as there are a lot of good people in America. Still though...I do feel that it was a good experience to be in a different part of the world for a little bit. Even though I didn't see very much of Japan, I did meet some good people here. And even though some people and I didn't get along very well, we still did our jobs. Well, I just hope that the person after me will be good to the kids. I'm sure he will. My company usually hires good people. Don't know most of them, but the few that I did meet are good people.

That's another thing. I think that just the differences in how we all grow up and what we experience, and how we interpret that, does play a role in how we get along with others who have different experiences. I personally had some trouble adjusting in Japan. But I knew a little Japanese, so it made thing a little bit easier. But still, I'll never be able to be polite to the degree of a native. So thus I've always learned that I'll be someone who won't fit in with most people's expectations...wherever I go. I guess I'll never blend in anywhere, but that's something that I've gotten used to.

Am I an acquired taste? Hmm...maybe...like Natto. Well...maybe not to that degree. heh.

Anyway, I was just talking to my friend whom I'm staying with. I was thinking of getting my friend who might give me a ride some bread from a bakery. But then my friend explained that it's like asking him to wake up early, go out of his way to help me out, and then give him a bagel for breakfast as a thank you. Hmm...how come I don't think of these things? I guess I'm not thinking ahead. Anyway, I'm really tired right now. And we're going to eat at some place tonight in Tokyo. Well, at least I'll have another good meal before I leave. Maybe I should go to sleep early tonight.

Last day in Yamanashi...

2007-04-11T23:57:00.000+09:00

And what was I doing? Cleaning...man, I think that I got to learn how to clean when a mess occurs so that I don't have to clean so much at the end. I woke up late anyway, at 10am and took care of some things. I was cleaning the night before, so that helped a little today.

Anyway, after I finished cleaning and I got everything mailed...and I got everything I wanted packed...I looked one last time into my apartment from the door. I thought...I'm no longer going to be living in Japan. I won't be living here anymore nor calling Yamanashi my home. I felt kind of sad. I felt like I didn't want to leave. But I snapped out of it and went out the door. I wanted to do a last check, but I knew that I had to leave soon. It was already 5:30pm. Anyway, I think that I got everything out of there.

The garbage cage was full of my crap. It was garbage day today, and I put the garbage after they came. yeah...good one Jon. heh. Anyway, they'll come back on Friday. All of this junk that I was living in.

My suitcase was pretty heavy. And all the stuff in my backpack was too. I didn't like having to walk all the way to the station. I even contemplated calling a cab, but I decided not to.

Anyway, I'm at my friend's place right now. Ready to explore Tokyo tomorrow. I've got to remember my camera. I'll try to take some pictures...but definitely I don't think that I'm not going to do that so much. I don't know. Maybe I'll visit Tokyo Tower if the weather is nice. But I think that it's going to rain tomorrow. Anyway, G-sak told me to look for something. For people back home. Don't know if I can find it. Anyway, I've got to check the weight limits for my luggage. I think that I have at least 60 lbs in each bag. I don't think that i'll buy anymore games...=(

Anyway, I should get going...Oh yeah...got to mail the key tomorrow to my company office. The lady that is in charge of housing was insistent in telling me not to leave anything in my apartment. Mainly because someone else probably did and that causes stress for the housing company. If they had to clean up my place, it'd be more like me owing them money. Man, that wasn't fun.

Anyway, I should get going.

News...huh...

2007-04-06T20:51:00.000+09:00

According to something that I heard on the news...apparently employers are now looking for prospect's blogs. It can either be a positive or negative thing for the prospect, as it could reveal things about you that are not very good, or work ethic that is not very promising. But if your blog shows stuff that you've went out and beyond, then I think that the employer will look upon you more favorably.

Anyway, if any employer is reading this blog, I only fell asleep, because I was up late working on stuff. But I guess that was my fault too. oh well...I won't have to lesson plan anymore, so hopefully I won't find another job like that. heh.

Anyway, I kind of wonder who reads this blog. Oh well...it doesn't matter. Wherever I go, if God leads me, then I'll be alright.

Anyway, I don't know where I'll go in the future. But definitely I can't work in Japan ever again after this job. heh. I think that Japan is way too strict for me. Not being able to blow your nose in public and always having to go to the bathroom to do so is really inconvenient. But at least I could wash my hands every time I sneezed, so that was a good thing. I think that it's been engrained in me for now. I have to wash my hands when I sneeze. I think that I'll outgrow that. heh.

Anyway, so what have i done in this extra time that I had today...I mailed stuff off at the post office. Man, it sucks to have to carry stuff all the way there, but it'd be even worse to put it on a bicycle and try to get it there. That'd really suck.

Anyway, I also bought a big box for my extra clothes that I'm thinking of sending home. I think that it might cost quite a bit to send that. And the box was so big that I couldn't grab the bottom of the box while I was carrying it, but had to hold two sides of it. It was flat and not put together yet, but still, I live a long way away from the store...so it took me about an hour to walk there and walk back.

Shipping off one box of clothes today, It's amazing how heavy cloth can be. But yeah, these were all shipped to me during winter time from home, so they should be heavy. Anyway, I'm not expecting the box to survive, so i'm wondering if I'll get my clothes again. But maybe I should have just tried to sell these off somewhere...nah...I can't get rid of my clothes...Anyway, I think i'd rather take a chance than just leave my clothes that are too big for the majority of people here. Plus it'd be more expensive to buy new ones from the US. Anyway, it cost about $30 per box to ship these clothes home using parcel post surface mail. Oh well...

Anyway, nobody said moving was fun. Moving really sucks...especially when you have no other transportation besides a bicycle. Also, it's even worse when the boxes are too big for the bicycle and you have to carry them to the post office. Oh well, don't hate the stuff you got. Well, maybe that's not a bad thing...just as long as you don't want other material goods instead of the stuff you got already.

Postponed...

2007-04-06T12:09:00.000+09:00

until Wednesday. So I called my company just a little while ago and asked them if I could postpone my leaving until Wednesday and they said ok. I was being charged until the 14th anyway, so it really didn't matter what day I left only that it had to be before the date that they specified.

So I called all the utility companies...hopefully they will come on that day...if not, then there was some miscommunication on my part. I hope that they didn't get the wrong month. heh. One guy said that it was on Friday...but luckily I caught that and told him that it was on Wednesday. The 11th is when i'm moving out.

I have so many clothes that I need to ship home. So I'll need to buy boxes for those today and ship some of them out today...but some of them, out later. We'll see though. I'm sure that I can do this in this amount of time.

Tomorrow though, I was supposed to stay at G-sak's place. But yeah, I'll stay there tomorrow until Monday, and come back on Wednesday. I don't know how Wednesday is going to work out...but yeah, I might just be playing video games out in front of my friend's apartment until he comes back home on that day. heh. Oh well...I have an umbrella...but hopefully it'll be sunny. Hmm...maybe I should check the weather forecast. Anyway, I'm lucky that G-sak's even letting me stay at his place. I feel like sometimes people are always looking out for me...which is a good thing, but I feel like I always cause other people trouble by them always looking out for me. Boku wa medokusai desu ne. Anyway, maybe I should try to pick up my act.

Last day in the apartment

2007-04-06T10:39:00.000+09:00

Man, I didn't realize how much junk I have. I'm not sure how I'm going to get all of this home...but luckily, I didn't start just now, but a couple of days ago. heh. Anyway, maybe I should throw a lot of this stuff away. The clothes that I got, I need to ship a lot of those today before the post office closes. I need bigger boxes for this.

Also on the checklist...closing my postal bank account. Then turning in my alien registration card and cancelling my insurance. Then finding a place that will take my bike. I'll even pay them to take it if they don't want it. I don't want it to go to waste...and be just another abandoned bike. But it might have to come to that. Then I need to find a way to determine what the heck the kuroneko yamato website is saying, so I can get this stuff to G-sak's place...ie my futon, blanket, kotatsu, and maybe I can ship my luggage also. Man, it's already 10:45am. Got to get going on this.

don't think that I'll have time to take pictures today. Oh well...I might also be pulling an all nighter tonight in cleaning up my place. i'm tempted to call my company and ask them to give me more time to leave my place. That would mean also contacting my utility companies and telling them another date that they could come over where I can pay off my bills. Hmm...I might just do that. But Im thinking that I probably won't. But it might have to come to that though...Anyway...got to get going.

Spring is in the air...

2007-04-01T15:34:00.000+09:00

This post is more babble...

Right now, I look outside and I see cherry blossoms that were once bare full of flowers. It reminds me of my old school in the states. Crazy big trees...I'll have to take a picture of them before I leave Yamanashi. It's actually pretty warm right now. Change from the winter.

Anyway, my parents are coming in today...I'm supposed to show them around Tokyo this week...but I don't know Tokyo that well...but whatever, it'll be good for me to see areas around Japan that I've never been to either.

Anyway, my Uncle wants to go to Akihabara and I have no idea what he wants to get. But I guess I can take him around and he can duck into any store that looks good. heh. Yeah, my Aunt and Uncle are coming too. heh. I can't believe that my family shelled out that much money to visit Japan. But I guess they need to see the world before they get too old to do so...sorry mom and dad, but it's a fact of life...maybe I'll do the same when I get old.

Anyway, school starts again for the elementary school kids here in my area. I'm not going to go to school anymore as my job is over. Hopefully the new ALT will be a good person...but it seems like the company does hire a lot of good people. Anyway, I kind of want to go, but I can't...but yeah, I'm glad that I don't have to lesson plan anymore. I also don't want to meet the new ALT...not sure if he's in my apartment building either...but he/she could be. He/she might be coming in today...heh. To the prefecture I mean...

Anyway, i'm kind of sad right now that I won't be teaching anymore. I'm not sure if I'm going to get a chance to teach ever again...but who knows...maybe at church camp...

I'm kind of worried about what's going to happen to me when I come home. I don't know if I'm going to be able to find a job or what I'll be doing. I certainly was thinking about returning to my old job, but that doesn't look like a good idea as I left it because I couldn't stand the hours. It was the graveyard shift and I aged like 3 years in one year. I do feel older than I did before I started that job...by at least more than a year.

Anyway, I guess things are uncertain...as they always will be for a transition period. When I was coming to Japan, I wanted to not go to Japan, because I was afraid of the unknown. Or so the song goes. Definitely however, God did bless me with this job and I did experience some good things in addition to some life growing struggles. It was a wild ride as I did struggle with my teaching job my first 5 months here, and I did wonder why I became a teacher all throughout that time. "i'm not a teacher," I thought. The reason I thought that was that teachers are looked up to here in Japan...well, not all the teachers, but definitely a lot of teachers. It also has a certain high status to be a teacher too...something that America doesn't really give it's teachers. I'm no longer a teacher though. And the Jon sensei! that I once heard will be heard no longer.

I guess it's a time of a new beginning. With each season and change, comes different struggles, different paths to take and choices to make. I think that it will be a good thing for me to return home, but I don't know if I've changed that much in terms of good qualities. I'm pretty much the same person, but I've only changed a little bit...in some sense. I have a feeling that i'll revert back to my old self when I come home. heh...not sure what that means.

Anyway, I guess I did get used to wearing a polo shirt and slacks instead of jeans all the time. heh. Maybe I'll start doing that more. heh. Nah...I don't think so.

Anyway, I'm pretty much a casual person in terms of clothes...even though the styles at the GAP here in Japan were better in terms of looks than the US, the shirts there were about $45 for a polo shirt. And even more for pants. I'm like...I don't need to look good that badly...plus just a little while before, I spent way too much on video games...and I didn't want to spend too much or else I couldn't buy a train ticket home. I just barely had enough when I rode home on Monday from G-sak's.

Anyway, I chose no in my decision to renew...and I think that that is for the best right now. I'll have new things to deal with when I get home. Well, they're actually old issues that I've had for quite awhile...but yeah, in my 7 months here in Japan, I could avoid that issue for awhile. I think that I've done pretty well here in Japan given the fact that I just started and that the kids also liked me too. Even though i wasn't the most responsible in terms of working on my lessons early enough, I did get them all done before I went in to teach. I must thank my friend for keeping me accountable here...too bad it was too late for me though. heh. But still, it was a good lesson for me that if i get something done earlier, then I won't have to worry so much about preparation, because I can prepare a lot easier when I have more time between me and the day that I'm going to teach. So true in life that getting things done early does make for better preparedness.

Anyway, Yay, no more work!!! Boo, no more work!!! Meaning no more money to survive. Oh well....got to find something else.

Anyway, I really don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I've got a sense that I want to try programming, but it's going to take me awhile before I get into a community college. But yeah, programming...it'd be like learning a new language again. But maybe it'd be good for me to do something that I've always wanted to do...which was create new worlds and ideas. I'm still amazed however at just how good some people make some of these games. And I see a lot of American companies making crappy games. I'm not a fan of EA (Electronic Arts) as they just can't seem to really make a good AI for their games. However, their MVP baseball is one game that I like. I'm a big Square-Enix fan...and also a Capcom fan too. I like Lucasarts too, but the only recent game that i've played of theirs is Knights of the Old Republic. The first one is great...I haven't played the 2nd one though. But yeah, I think that the developer bioware came out with that one and the 2nd one was just a copy of the first in some sense made by a different developer...nothing really new.

Anyway, I've been babbling a lot lately...maybe my life is getting dull now that I don't have school anymore. heh.

Anyway, I kind of wonder what good reasons I'd have to stay. Then i think about the things that i need to take care of in my personal life right now...and complications that I have. I also see that I have grown way materialistic here in Japan. But I guess that was even so when I first got my student job at the University.

Anyway, if I played all the games that I got straight without doing anything else in the 16 hours that i'd be awake, including eating...it'd take me at least half a year to complete all of these games...probably more. Craziness.

The delivery guy just came right now...delivering a game that I bought yesterday. I figured, I got 1129 yen in points to use before I leave Japan, so I might as well get a game that won't come out in the states anytime soon. heh. Anyway, I didn't want to let those points go to waste. heh. Well, I guess I could have just used them to get something for my friend as a present. Well, maybe with the points that I just got from this one. heh.

Anyway, nothing interesting to post. This is just therapeutic for me. To type...

Video game news

2007-03-31T20:38:00.000+09:00

Okay, when I should be packing my video games to send home, I'm reading video game news instead. heh.

Anyway, Square-enix, one of my favorite developers said that they supported the PS2 heavily in the past, but now they want to support each console evenly...meaning XBOX 360, and Wii, in addition to the PS3. Still, however, FFXIII and Versus XIII are going to be released only for the PS3.

So what they're doing is they're going to release two or three different games for each system. However, Kingdom Hearts is TBD.

Anyway, this may be old news to many of you, but here's the link found here.

Also, this might be a rumor, and I'd have no idea how an EBgames sales clerk or Gamestop sales clerk would know classified info about Square's white engine, but yeah, shows you what some people believe just because they hear it. Anyway, that was on the readers' posts in this link.

Apparently someone said that FFXIII is not going to be PS3 exclusive but might come out for the XBOX 360. Who knows if that's true. But if you don't know...the white engine is Square-enix's next programming engine for their Final Fantasy series. Man, it's crazy how much work goes into these games nowadays. I guess it was the same back then in the 1970s and 80s, but man, things are so detailed nowadays...it looks almost real.

All in all, if I get another job sometime soon...maybe in video game testing...hopefully, I'll most likely either buy an XBOX 360, or a PS3. I'm not expecting to find a Wii anytime soon. Anyway, I could settle for a gamecube too...seeing how I missed some good games on that system. Zelda for sure. But if i get a Wii, then I won't need a gamecube as it's backward compatible with gamecube games.

Anyway, I love Final Fantasy, but I start to hate the game after playing it for 40+ hours. The gameplay is fun at first when you're starting to level up, but when you get too high, then it just gets boring. I guess I could make it harder for myself and not use the stuff to heal my characters when they get hurt, but why? the point is the pass the game right? I never understood my roommate who told me that. But he's always been about challenging himself to do better in video games. So I guess maybe I understand a little bit.

Anyway...I'm going to play FFXII for the Japanese ps2. Man, there's so many kanji I don't know...I'm thinking that I should just study my kanji dictionary instead of playing games because I don't know what the heck is going on. Makes me wonder why the heck I bought all these Japanese games...oh well...got to study Japanese more...and maybe translate this stuff into English. I guess I could have just bought the English version of it when I came back home...Oh well...i bought it with the intent of studying Japanese...

Ending while a new chapter begins

2007-03-31T18:04:00.000+09:00

This post is babble. Nothing interesting...

Some of you may wonder what I've been doing in my time off since my job ended. Lets see, not much...cleaning up my room, playing video games, and PACKING!!!

Man, I think that I do a too good a job in packing as my last job showed me just how important it is to pack something well. I'd see some boxes get crushed because they were hollow inside and didn't have the support to keep them full. Basically, it'd be something like something inside of a box that was too big and 1. there wouldn't be any packing material to fill up the space, so the heavier boxes above would crush it until it got to the part that had something there. Not our fault...we partly it is, depending on what the loader was thinking.

Anyway, I've also seen that no matter how well something is packed, there is always a chance that it could break in the mail. Things happen by accident sometimes. But sometimes you can't help it.

Anyway, I'm expecting a few of my things to be broken when I get them mainly because I'm not expecting the US post office to treat my packages with care. But that's okay. As long as the discs are fine, then that's cool.

Man, I shipped a lot of packages home so far. mainly small packages to get the small packet discount. I think I've shipped about 13 packages so far. I should ship my heavy jacket home too.

Anyway, moving sucks. But it's nice to know that you have stuff to use. Even though the majority of my stuff is video games. heh.

On another note, Ayakashi ayashi the anime that I mentioned awhile back just ended. Not sure what it was about, but I think that I'll try to watch the episodes on Youtube. They only have about 8 episodes up...

Anyway, it was one of the first animes that I saw on TV when I got here. It started when I first got here...I actually saw the first episode just flipping through channels to find stuff on TV. Now it's ending just like my time here in Japan. I'm going to miss Japan, but I think that different things are coming up ahead.

Seeing some elementary school students from somewhere (who's knows where in Japan) I was reminded of my teaching job again. Definitely these kids are really great. I think that definitely the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. heh.

Anyway, nothing interesting to post. Just babble. I guess I need to move on.

It's always until after...

2007-03-29T02:20:00.000+09:00

Today, I woke up late again...I fell asleep with the lights on last night. i didn't want to come today to school. I didn't want to have to face the children again and the teachers. I didn't want to have to say goodbye. I woke up anyway, and got there right when they started. They didn't say anything probably because it was my last day and I wasn't getting paid for this day anyway. I had no idea what was going to happen today. What the heck is a wakareshiki?

What I found out today was that it was a sendoff ceremony. That's what wakare means separate i guess...shiki means ceremony. So I thought that I was just going to watch an assembly of children say goodbye to the 6th graders as they did at the other school...for their other wakare shiki. But no, it was for me and the other teachers leaving the schools. You mean, I have to sit in front of all the children? Man, I should have dressed up. I was late and didn't have time, so I left as quick as I could and that meant putting on a casual polo and slacks.

I could tell that they were probably thinking...man, this ALT doesn't dress up?! I actually don't know what the heck they were thinking, but they gave me some slack today as it was supposed to be a special day for the other teaches and me.

I'm glad that I printed out my speech that I gave last friday as I had to say something to the whole school. I just read it, I don't think that they all listened as the younger kids were starting to rustle.

Anyway, I was surprised that some of the teachers were leaving this school. They were reassigned to other schools by the board of education. The women were all crying. Me and the janitor were not. So it was 3 women teachers, the lunch lady who is actually 27 or something, and the janitor and me. They all gave these speeches about what the school meant to them...I wasn't expecting to give a speech like that. Nobody told me and I didn't know that this was a farewell party for me also. So whatever...

Anyway, I got to leave at around 10am. I received a bouquet of flowers at the ceremony also and brought that home with me. I'm thinking...what the heck am I going to do with these flower? right now they're sitting on top of a pile of rubble in my apartment. They just out of the way so I won't have to worry about breaking them. I will crush you!

i went back to sleep...even though I didn't want to sleep...I went back to sleep because I was so tired.

At the party tonight, I wasn't looking forward to going to another Japanese restaurant as usually the Japanese food is hard for me to eat. But tonight it wasn't so bad. Pretty easy stuff to eat.

They gave farewell speeches for all of us...6 of us. The responses from women teachers were again...tears and the janitor and me, nothing. We gave farewell speeches to the teachers and everyone did have nice speeches, even though I couldn't understand what they were saying, the other teachers' reactions were pleasant. Sometimes laughter ensued. When it came to me, I didn't know what to say...I was trying to think of a speech when I found out that we needed to give a speech which was when the first teacher gave theirs. I guess that's one reason why I was put last. Also, because I've been there the shortest too.

When it came down to me giving a speech, I was planning to speak in English, but I decided to say what I could in Japanese. Sometimes it was funny, given that if you know my characteristics, it related to those. One was about one teacher who was leaving and I said, "I was falling asleep in the meeting one day, and so and so sensei saw me falling asleep so she gave me some candy and I woke up for the rest of the meeting." Stuff like that. I said something about everyone, and most of it went, "I didn't talk to them much, but I think that they're a nice person." That went on for about 4-5 people. Someone even made a joke about that later on. amari hanasanakatta kedo, yasashikatta.

They were a fun group to be around. I think that work is one place where I felt a little akward in trying to start up a conversation with the teachers. The only person that I really talked to was the person sitting next to me. When it looks like everyone is so busy corecting hw or papers or talking to someone else, I felt a little shy in trying to start up a conversation. Mainly because my Japanese wasn't good. Just getting to know them a little bit when I left really showed me that they really aren't that intimidating. Too bad it's when I'm leaving.

Anyway, now that I think about it, I had so much time on my hands at school that I could have easily talked to the teachers. Planning lessons was tough for me, so I was mainly focusing on that.

Anyway, when I was leaving my hometown in the states to go to Japan, I was surprised that people came out to my farewell party. I was thinking...man, I'm leaving all of this to go to Japan. I usually think that people can't stand me. I don't know why, but I tend to think that people just don't like me. Except people that I know at least somewhat well. Now that I'm leaving Japan, I see the same things. Wow, people actually liked me to some degree. heh. Not sure how, because they only saw me teach and didn't really talk to me that much. But maybe farewells are a special time, because you might not see that person again.

I kind of want to stay, I see reasons to stay, but I made a decision and i've got to stick with it. I don't know what would have happened if I stayed another year. So far, i've been alright, and even through the tough times in my life, I've been alright. Nothing has ever been too bad that I couldn't recover from. Well...there was a time in my life when I needed a lot of help and I received it. Not saying that it was easy for my family or people at school, but definitely I was luckier than most to have such a good family and friends.

Leaving makes me wonder what will happen to the people here? What will happen to G-sak? He's going to be staying here for about 5 years or so...it was tough for me to stay here for 7 months. I'm going to miss Japan, but I think that I just cannot adapt well enough even if it's another year. I have a feeling that it would have been tougher for me if I stayed another year. There would be no guarantee that I'd get the same schools that I taught at. I might get some of the harder schools that the other ALTs got. I don't know. And I never will...because I didn't choose that path. But I think that good things are ahead of me. Even the tough things will be good for me. Even Japan was good for me.

I think that as long as people are still here, most likely, they'll be alright if they find support somewhere. Me being the loner that I am, I tend not to try to find that support. I tend to stay by myself, which is something that I should learn not to do. No man is an island as I've learned. When you are put alone, the fire inside starts to die down. I guess that's why people hate solitary confinement in prison.

I don't know what I'm going to do when I come back. People will most likely have changed...as I've changed. I don't know what it's going to be like when I'm around everyone again. I don't know what it's going to be like being at home again. Then comes another thing...finding a job. My friend in Japan immed me some position for a contract translator job...I'm not sure if I'm going to apply for that given how bad my Japanese skills are right now. I guess I could take the test and see, but most likely, I won't. He's a good friend though, even though he sometimes gets a little disappointed in me. Not sure if that's even true, but maybe he doesn't actually care about me not being there.

Anyway, this chapter of my life is coming to a close. Even though it was only 7 months, it was pretty wild. Well, for me it was. I found an old card that my parents gave to me before I left for Japan. It was in my suitcase that I left it in. One thing that it read was that they were sure that people would see that I am a good and decent person. I guess they were right. I was afraid that I'd mess things up here with the kids or get some lawsuit and get thrown in jail. But I think that things worked out.

Some of the kids are disappointed that I'm leaving...and I guess that kids are often disappointed by the adults in their lives. If I had been offered a job next year when i received the phone call the first time instead of being turned down, i would have taken it. But maybe this is something that God was telling me...I wasn't really that responsible here in Japan on my own. I didn't go to church, I didn't spend time with God, I didn't pray for the people that He placed in my life. Until G-sak helped straighten me out in terms of my lesson planning, I was a total wreck. It's tough being on your own...and i guess that's why people find spouses or go to church. Life is tough by yourself and you need to live your life out with other people.

I kept on thinking during my last teaching days that they deserved someone better than me. Well, at least in terms of teaching English. I think that it's going to be tough for the next ALT in my schools, as they've gone through 3 ALTs in two years. My Friday school wanted me to stay for another year because they said that the kids would get used to the ALT leaving every year. It's true as the kids are getting used to the ALT leaving every year.

In some sense, being an ALT healed my thoughts about Japan. From the previous experiences in college with some Japanese people, I saw that I wasn't accepted by some of them. Even though it was only a few, I saw that maybe they had higher expectations of people. Especially when my conversation partners all bailed out on me. I think it was like 3 conversation partners that didn't want to meet with me anymore. hehe. And I had only like 5 conversation partners. Oh well...maybe you can't judge everyone by your experiences. So being in the schools, and being with these great kids, I was shown that Japanese kids are pretty much like every kid that I met in the states. Well, except that the Japanese kids are a little more well behaved. The Japanese kids are kids. They are just like any other kid that I've met. Great kids...everyone has the potential to be someone great. I just hope that the next ALT will be someone who loves kids, and who can inspire these kids to become great people. I guess that's asking for a lot. But hopefully they'll get someone who will make a difference and who will stay at least two years.

I came to Japan thinking that I'd make a difference in these kids' lives. Maybe I did as most of the kids are happy to see me. heh. But I don't know...maybe it was too short. I hoped that these kids would see that they are special even if they do well or fail. My point was not that these kids would feel good about winning, but that they'd have fun learning English. I hoped that they'd want to explore the world outside of Japan and meet possibly some good people who are strong in their faith and would share God with them. But I know that most of these kids won't leave Yamanashi, only for college if they even go to college. Most won't travel outside of Japan. I think that it's a shame that people don't see what is outside of their own country. But then, not everyone can survive on their own in another country...so I guess that's understandable.

Anyway, I've typed for about 2 hours right now. Crazy...it's 2am. I started at 12. Oh well...I feel good right now.

Anyway, when my time to go to Japan came, I didn't want to go. Now that I'm leaving, I don't want to leave. But sometimes you've got to do what you don't want to do. (Thanks Mighty Max! Mighty Max was a cartoon that I watched when I was in Jr. High school. Definitely taught me some good lessons on life.) Must now go to sleep...

Now what???

2007-03-27T20:26:00.000+09:00

I guess I should have been packing today, but i fell asleep after I finished talking to my parents. I think that I'm really bored and lonely.

This week is spring vacation for the schools in my area. I would have a week off if I renewed my contract, but I didn't, so I have more time for myself and no lesson planning to do.

I guess I should clean up my room. Man, I hate moving...means getting the stuff you're blessed with to another address, and also preparing the place that you used to live in for someone else.

I didn't play video games today. I only slept and watched tv.

I don't know what to say. Maybe I should open my window when I wake up, so that I'm cold and will need to move around.

Anyway, it ridculous how many video games I have now. I'm thinking...what the heck am I going to do with all of these? The previous generation of video games...man...with the PS3 out already, I'm not sure if these games are going to sell. I guess I'll need to sell them worldwide. I'm sure however, that I'll lose money on these. But whatever, I don't care. I'm not looking to start an ebay business.

Ebay will have to wait until I can find something good to sell. Video games don't sell for very much more unless you have a rare game. Feedback sometimes determines if people will bid on your item, but not always. Even if you have good feedback, people are careful with their money sometimes...unless they're like me and just bid on whatever looks good. heh. Anyway, if only I bought the original version of Valkyrie profile when it was on the ps all those years back. It was only $20 and I decided against buying it because I could save $20. I still don't know if I'd sell it now though. But definitely the north american version is a later version than the Japanese version. For some reason they update their games when they send them to north america sometimes. The psp version of Valkyrie profile is based on the Japanese version. So that's why the North American version still sells for around $100. Also, if there are any scratches on the disc, it could be unplayable. For some reason, the game doesn't play very well with scratches...or so the faq said. So be careful if you buy valkyrie profile on Ebay.

anyway, lots of babble today. Nothing interesting to post. I guess my days of teaching are over and now my life is dull. Well, I don't know how much longer I could have taken just being alone. But whatever, I'll be back in the states again and there I'l at least have Sundays to meet people. I guess I could have done the same thing here, but I just was really lazy.

Weekend in Tokyo

2007-03-26T19:24:00.000+09:00

I spent the weekend at G-sak's place. I really should try to find things to do while I'm there. I'm always asked what I want to do and I don't know what there is to do. So we just went video game shopping at Bic Camera. Good prices and I bought way too many video games. Again...I'm thinking...why the heck am I always buying stuff? It makes me feel good, but then again, it's just a waste of money to be buying all these things that I can't play.

Anyway, I had a good time. Sunday...we went to New Hope Tokyo. I must say that it was an interesting service. I only remember two points out of three. But the first was about criticism from others. Sometimes we listen to the criticism of others and we let that affect us. Not saying that criticism is bad, but saying that sometimes people can say things that really don't help us at all. The bible passage was from the book of Nehemiah. People were criticisizing Nehemiah for trying to rebuild the walls. I personally have never read this book, but definitely it's true to life that sometimes people will say things that have no merit.

Anyway, the 2nd point was to remember our purpose and refocus on God. He gave the story that he felt called by God to start up a church in Japan. He's a big samoan guy and they tried to find a house to live in near the elementary school and all the houses were too small. He had to turn sideways to fit through the door. And because he was a foreigner the landlords didn't rent to foreigners. It got him so discouraged that he forgot what his purpose was in Japan. He was ready to go home, but on the last day, he found an ad and went to the place with his wife. He was expecting the same response like the previous landlords. But the landlord this time didn't see a problem with renting to people like him.

Anyway, New Hope had their 7 year anniversary last week. The congregation is maybe 40-60 people. Maybe more since most of the people went on a mission trip somewhere. Maybe to Hawaii or something like that. Not sure.

Anyway, it was a good weekend.

i must however, say that I'm going to be sad when I leave Japan. I was sad when I came to Japan, but I found that it was a good experience for me. Even though I was alone, I wasn't alone. I think that things could have been a lot worse for me.

What I've learned is that I need to be more courageous and speak up for myself. Even if it means rubbing people the wrong way. I don't know if I'll do that any time soon, but we'll see. I've found that everything that I've experienced has prepared me for my time in Japan now. And I'm sure that when I return, my time in Japan will have prepared me for something else. Just as my 2nd to last job got me this job.

From this past weekend, i've seen that I really haven't been living for God my whole time in Japan. Even though my spirit is dry and withered right now, I've seen that I experienced some joy being at church on Sunday. Not saying that going to church means you're living for God, but saying that it really is important to be in a community of believers. Still, I don't know what I'm going to do when I get home. But definitely adjusting to the changes at home will be just as weird for everyone seeing the changes in me. Not saying all the changes are good. But definitely i'm seeing that I need to do what's best for me. I don't know too much about how that translates into living for God, but definitely God's way is better than our ways.

Right now, I don't know how everyone has changed at home. i don't know how much i've changed. Only that I'm a little different than I was before. Experiences...learning experiences...

As my mom tells me, you could look at life as, "why did this happen to me?" Or you can look at life as a big learning experience. Good and bad things will happen to everyone. But what makes our lives and who we are are our experiences. Not saying that your experiences determine your future, but if you learn from your experiences and people's experiences, then you can better deal with the challenges you face ahead. Bad things will always happen. But you can't help that. Nobody can see the future, except for prophets, and even they are few and many are false prophets. Oh, yeah, and God knows the future already because He knows everything already...take or leave it, you don't have to believe it. But that's what I believe. Maybe I should coin that phrase. heh.

Anyway, we're all here...and nobody's life is perfect. But we've all got to learn. And if we don't, then what does that mean for you and all of us? Not to put any pressure on you guys.

Anyway, some of you may have gotten to know me a little bit better than you probably have ever in the years that you've known me. That's just one example of how deep people are. There are so many experiences that we all have that we can learn from each other. Regardless if we think you're stupid or you're an idiot, or you're a jerk...definitely all three of those are not true. We all are gifted with different abilities and gifted with different experiences...that's what makes us all unique. God sees everything and He knows all that you've been through. He's been with everyone since they were born and will be with them at the end. But, after life, not everyone will choose to be with God. Heaven is just a place where God is. Hell is a place where God is not. That's the only difference.

Anyway, I don't mean to get all philosophical, but yeah, definitely many of you don't know much about me. And that's fine. Part of it is that I don't say much. heh. and part of it is that I don't feel comfortable around people a lot of times. But yeah, if someone unextraordinary like me on the surface is much deeper inside, how deep are so many others? My brother would tell me, "even the people you think are stupid, are really deep. Everyone is deep inside."

Anyway, once i come home, I'm going to stop this blog. I'll update it for a little bit more when i do come home, but I think that writing about people you see everyday is not a good thing...especially when they know your address. Anyway, this was meant to be only a way of updating people at home as to my journey in Japan. I hoped that it would encourage you all at home...but it may have discouraged you at some point. I also hoped that people would pray for me also...as my bible study was doing. But I never expected people to pray for me. Nobody owes me anything...I'm just here and I do what I want. Not saying that that's a good thing all the time...as that can lead to some problems...but I've become a little more responsible in the latter stages of my journey thanks to G-sak.

Thank you all for praying for me. I think that even though I didn't spend hardly any time with God, I did grow a little bit. I also learned that there is no purpose in only doing a job. Well, there is a purpose, to earn money and to eat and to have a place to live and support your family. But if that's all your doing, then you're missing out on a lot more, which I found out. I did see in my last month that the kids did respond to me. The kids are great in all three schools. Even the kid who used to call me Kankokujin no sensei was friendly to me and said hi to me. I think that as people get to know each other, they can either be turned off or become more friendly. Definitely when people are strangers, that's how they act. They don't know the other person. They only see the surface at the time that they meet.

Anyway, from one of my friends whom I didn't know very well who passed away from cancer, I saw through other people's blogs just how great of a guy he was. He even came to my baptism and I didn't even invite him. heh. I felt bad about that, but happy he showed up. One thing from his brother's xanga was that in the farewell speech that his brother gave, he wrote that my friend said this about life... "life is about relationships..." And from his xanga, it showed just the fact that my friend that I didn't know very well did care a lot about people.

Anyway, he's in heaven now. But the impact that he left on other people still remains on earth. I do believe that we do need God. I do believe that He can change people's hearts for the better and that He desires the best for each one of us. While we as Christians may fail so often to show God's love to other people, I do believe that the few that are faithful will leave a lasting impact here on earth for many generations to come.

I don't know what impact i left here in Yamanashi-ken, Kai-shi (Kai city), but I do hope that these kids will remember me someday. I will remember the smiling faces of the many kids. I will remember a few kids who did want to play with me. I'll remember that each person that I met is special and that's true for all of you. God did create all of you with certain characteristics and personalities. He gifted you with abilities and some he took them away. But, regardless, it's all about life experiences and trying to make a difference for the Kingdom of God. Not the middle east, or land...but God's people...the human race. Everyone has the ability to choose. And whether or not we choose to be with God, that's up to each individual. But as Christians, we need to show the world that God loves them. That's why it says to love your enemies and to pray for those who persecute you. Even rotten people can become great people later on.

Anyway, I've babbled on for quite a bit. I understand all of this, because I once was a person who was rotten. God showed His love to me, and I changed. I only hope that the love that He showed me won't come back to him empty. I didn't pray enough, I didn't do very much in terms of helping these kids. But I tried to love them as God would. Even though I'm nobody special in Japan, I tried to show them that regardless of anything, that God loves them. But I failed many times. Learning experiences to take with me.

Anyway, I write all of this to show you that it is possible for anyone to become great. Not saying that I'm great, but saying that those who you might not think much of can become anything...good or evil. And I don't write this to say that you should just go out there and try to befriend everyone. Because some people are dangerous and you shouldn't try to do that if you don't know how to do that in the right way. Protect yourself also.

Anyway, it was a good experience. God is good. And I hope that someday these kids will come to know God. Don't let criticism bring you down from your purpose. Criticism as the pastor said, leads to distractions. And distractions take you away from your purpose. Refocus and focus on God and remember your purpose here on earth.

Japan...

2007-03-23T23:02:00.000+09:00

Today was the last day of school for me. I decided to turn down the offer. Part of me wanted to come back to the schools, but part of me had already said goodbye and I didn't feel like I wanted to come back next year. I knew that there would be different struggles next year. I saw signs that the kids would act up more judging from my last few lessons this trimester. I also saw that things would be a little tougher for me in terms of expectations...and I didn't want to be told again or criticized that my lessons weren't good enough. "The kids had trouble understanding your lesson." Well, they understood at the very end...even though I had no place to tell them that.

I said goodbye to my Friday school. It was also the principal's last day there too. He's been a principal for 15 years and it's now time for him to retire. He told me, "Jon's future is very bright. You're a young man. While I have no future. I feel the same way you do. I want to stay, but it's not possible." I didn't know what to say. So many people look forward to retirement, but I guess if you find a job that you love, and you're being forced to retire, what's next?

Today was a sad day also as I think that one of the teacher's that I work with liked me. Last week, i was sick, and I just wanted to go home. She saw me leaving and started a conversation with me. She told me that she heard that I was leaving and said that it was a big shock. I told her that I was expecting it to happen. She knows some English, so she was talking to me in English. But she didn't know how to say it or something or I'm not sure exactly what she wanted to say as she was silent. So i said, "Umm...I'm going to go." heh...I'm terrible, but I was feeling bad at the time.

The other teacher that works in the same grade with her was watching our conversation. I think that they are close as they are in the same grade and talk to each other friendly...well... at least they work together. So I don't know. But he walked right next to her as I was leaving. She was speechless and maybe she couldn't let her voice come out. So we said goodbye and I left.

Today, she seemed really sad. I'm not sure if it's because of me, probably not, but maybe because so many people were being repositioned and leaving to other schools. She made me a picture frame with a picture of all the fifth grade students and me and her and the other fifth grade teacher. My English club students also had a differnent picture taken with me and put in the frame. The picture was a picture of the school with the pictures I mentioned above. I have no idea how i'm going to get that back home without the glass breaking. Maybe I should cushion it in clothes or something...

Anyway, I forgot some materials at my apartment that I needed to return to the school, so I went home after they said goodbye to me and I came back. Then a small group of them said goodbye to me. Some of them looked sad. I wonder who will come after me.

One thing that I appreciated about being in Japan was that a lot of people saw my heart. I'm not a man of many words. I don't talk that often. Maybe it's just my personality as I think too much and can't say my words fast enough. But at least they could see under this messed up exterior to see someone who has worth. Maybe being in Japan, because people couldn't speak English that well and I could speak a lot slower or use a lot less words that my lack of skill in verbal communication was overlooked by their obeservations of my heart. But then, I'll never know because nobody will ever tell me.

There are differences between Japan and the US, but there are also similiarities. Culture...is it beaten into people where you grow up? Maybe beaten isn't the right word, maybe engrained is. I see culture clashes between west and east. I see a lot of people not accepting of other cultures on both sides. Why? It's because where we grow up, that's the norms and mores we are set with. Americanized, Japanese, wherever else. Why is it that we criticized what's different? Why is it so hard to accept others as they are? Why is it so hard for people to see that people are imperfect and never will be perfect. Why is it so hard for people to accept that there is a God who loves them just as they are and desires for them to know Him and to follow Him? Maybe it's because God is foreign. And people who are saved fail in many ways to share that love that God has for everyone. So that alienates a lot of people from God.

Really, it's not about making people the same as you. It's not about making people like you or how you think they should act. God's the one who changes hearts and we're not here to make people like us. But definitely goodness is recognized by many people. And that's why we try to become more like God...because we have seen that He is good.

Hearing the other ALTs talk about some of their experiences in the schools...I've heard about Japanese culture some things that are pretty dark. What do you expect? It's been that way for a long time. The nail that sticks out get hammered back down. Harmony is more important here than individualism. And what i learned from my friend was that it was to stamp out Christianity in Japan. Some of you may think I'm crazy, but definitely when the first missionaries came to Japan and lots of people started to believe, it wasn't taken very well by the Japanese people in charge. Anyway, the reason being that the westerners introduced a very western form of Christianity. So the Japanese Christians were killed. Mainly in the areas of west Japan.

Anyway, it's getting late and I'm going to Tokyo tomorrow. Man, I need to pack.

Anyway I don't have a main point here. But definitely I've seen that the world needs God, because what I've seen in this world...both in America, Japan, in Americans, and Japanese, is that nobody is perfect. Nobody is worth more than anybody else. Even those who are thought of as worthless have worth. But love does overcome all. Not saying that you'll take over the world with love, but saying that love is more powerful than anything that i've ever seen. Taking a person's life may be considered powerful, but changing a person's life is even moreso.

Then I could talk about the war on terror, but I'm not going to. I've said enough. Anyway, my life...as some of you may know is proof that a messed up person can be changed. Not through discipline or correction, even though those are important, but the main thing is love. And not just blind love, but the right kind of love. Unconditional love and tough love in certain times.

Anyway, ramblings late at night...man, I'm tired. The reason why I try to follow God is that I've seen that there is none like Him. Jesus did everything that I needed for salvation, but still, there is still much work for me and everyone else to do. Makes me wonder what the heck I'm doing here.

Decisions decisions

2007-03-22T20:07:00.000+09:00

I wasn't offered another year this past month. But now, my company calls me and tells me that the board of education wants to give me another chance for another year. They've had no problems with me as a person, but I think that they had problems with my ability to teach. The trainer didn't tell me what exactly they problems with, but he did kind of hint at it that I was a new teacher and maybe my last month here they saw some improvement.

I must say that I was expecting not getting another year. I was trying so hard, and yet I was so discouraged, because my lessons weren't going as well as I'd hoped they would. In fact, some of the lessons to be frank, sucked. I felt like I just didn't know how to teach these kids.

After half a year, I got sort of the hang of it, but I felt like maybe these kids deserve someone better at teaching. The other ALTs brought the fact that the next person could be worse than me. I won't ever know that, but I prayed that the next person next year would be Christian and a good person. Hopefully the next ALT will be a woman, as I felt like I couldn't relate to the girls here and I felt like they weren't interested in English, because I couldn't reach them. The guys were no problem...except when I made boring lessons...then they got bored. heh.

Anyway, I feel in my heart that I don't want to stay another year. The kids, I'd stay for them, but my other motives for staying....money, video games, and not much else...I think that the kids are the only reason I would stay...also G-sak too. But, when I think about things going on at home, and my family...I think that maybe it's time for me to come home.

I prayed and I don't have a clear yes or no, but I'm leaning more towards telling my trainer no tomorrow. Anyway, mom or dad, it's 4am your time now, so I can't call you, but I think because I'm not sure how long you guys will be here, I want to come home. Also not sure how long Sebastian will be here. That's my main reason for coming home. heh. Just kidding. But that's one of my reasons.

Anyway, in terms of other things, I think that my time in Japan should come to close now. I've been isolated here. I haven't joined a church. I feel stressed when I'm lesson planning and have classes to teach. I don't do anything on the weekends. All the other ALTs will be leaving Japan in my city. I'm not able to study Japanese for very long. I don't have very much time for myself. I don't know what to say...but yeah, i'm not sure what reason I'd stay here for if there were any positive reasons besides the kids and G-sak.

I really do want to come home. And I do see signs that next year will be tougher in terms of some of the kids. I don't know what to say...if I were to teach the same lessons over again, then what? Would the kids respond again? Would they be bored? I'm thinking that it'd be okay.

Anyway, I get the feeling that I should return home and that either way, if I choose to stay or choose to come home, then both choices are just about the same.

The only other reason I could think of to stay is to become more job based in terms of my thinking. I'm thinking...yeah, like that's going to happen. hehe. I got yelled at for falling asleep at school. I also got yelled at for not doing some stuff that I was supposed to do...even though it wasn't mandatory, they wanted me to do that. Ie, not lessons. Maybe it was mandatory. heh.

Yeah, maybe I should come home and find something else. My company has very professional and friendly people, but I think that it's just really tough for me to meet these standards. I feel that I don't have much time left here. Maybe another 20 years or so, but still, one more year...will it do me good? I guess I could stay up and call my parents tonight...but I wonder...I think that I need to make my own decisions as they won't be around forever.

I feel that I want to come home. And maybe that is best. I was hanging on for another year for so long and was expecting to get laid off. When it finally happened that I was laid off, I felt relieved. No more teaching! No more stress for now! No more lesson planning at home! And no more having to find materials on the internet! I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Anyway, I'm going to tell them no. I think that for my own personal reasons, I should return home. I'm not sure what to expect when I do come home. I don't know how I'm going to take the United States again after being in Japan for 7 months. Today was the 7 month mark. Anyway, it will be different, but I think that it's for the best that I come home.

Anyway, I know that my family misses me, and that my friends might also miss me too. heh. I'm not sure about that...maybe it was better that I was gone, given my tendencies to be a dork. But still, I think that I am looking forward to some much needed time to rest. I wanted to play all the video games that I got. I also wanted to get a job in video game design as my last job and to start out testing eventually. I'm thinking that I could test Japanese video games eventually and translate them into English for some companies somewhere. If I decide to move down to California, then it might be easier for me to get a job as a tester, but I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet. We'll see though as things unfold.

My parents want to move to another state, so I don't know if they're going to keep their house and I'll be able to live there and take of it, or if I'll have to find a place to live. I don't know...I'm at that stage in my life where I can't just let things happen anymore. I need to take steps to make things happen. And I'd rather just stay at home and play video games. heh. Maybe a career in video games will happen someday. heh...yes I know...make it happen! I don't know if I want to. But we'll see.

Anyway, got to get going. It's 9:17 right now.

This is your life

2007-03-19T21:02:00.000+09:00

I like this song...I was listening to it just now as I ran out of things to do. I think as I've been thinking today that there are some things that I need to work on.

Anyway, here's the lyrics

This is Your Life
Switchfoot

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken

Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes
This is your life... and today is all you’ve got now
And today is all you’ll ever have

Don’t close your eyes,
Don’t close your eyes

(chorus)
This is your life are who you who want to be?
This is your life are you who you want to be?
This is your life is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over

(chorus)

Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes,
Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes

This is your life are you who you want to be?
This is your life are you who you want to be?
This is your life are you who you want to be?
This is your life are you who you want to be?

This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose...
You had everything to lose...

Anyway, it's a good reminder that life is not easy...but it does take some progress and work to make it better. And it may not always turn out the way you want it to, but definitely if you don't take the chance, then what will change? Anyway, each person must decide for him/herself what is right. There is no simple answer for everyone. Each person's life is different and each person is different. Makes sense I guess.

I should run for governor

2007-03-19T18:58:00.000+09:00

Warning to all you parents out there...this is not for kids.

When I think about school, I think about Kindergarten cop. Arnold Schwarzenaager was pretty good in that movie, however, if you watch the movie over and over again as I did when I was a kid, I really started to hate the movie. But it's nice once in awhile to look back at the things that we once watched.

Anyway, i ate lunch with the 2nd graders today. One kid asked me, "Are you hungry?" I was hungry...but he said, "it gives me a bad feeling when you watch other people eat." He then tried to give me the girl's milk who was next to me, but she took it back.

I don't know how it got to this, but he pointed at his crotch and said, "onna ga mago ga aru ne." Even though I didn't understand everything he said, I understood that.

Then he said something else about guys and their chinkos doing something with the women and their magos. Okay, maybe this is getting a little too graphic.

Anyway, he told his friends this and they all came to me and he asked me again if this was true. I didn't say anything, but looked away to the side.

Then the little boys said, "kimochi warui!" "That's a bad feeling."

He then told me, otoko ga chinko ga aru. Onna wa mago ga aru. Yoku oboete ne!

I wanted to tell him, "thanks for the tip." But I didn't.

What he said was, "boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina. Remember that!" Oh man... I guess since most of the other kids didn't know this, that the adults don't tell their kids at this early age and the kids don't watch that stuff at this early age.

Anyway, I overheard someone say in America that it was pretty bad that a 7 year old watched American pie. Yeah, you got to be careful what you show your kids. Anyway, you probably shouldn't let your kids read blogs either. heh. Hmm...I just thought that that was so true that kids learn all sorts of stuff early on in life. Oh well...

Anyway, I don't know what the heck I'm doing here...but apparently the kids got used to me at that school...because I don't remember the kids talking about that stuff when I first came. Or, maybe they did, and I just didn't understand what they were saying. Either way, they're just kids. No harm done.

Since I can't discipline them, nor would I know how to in Japanese, I don't say anything. Maybe I should, but tomorrow is my last day at this school. Anyway, I told my head teacher that I'd come next week to the Wakare shiki or something like that on Wednesday. So I guess I have one more day at this school after tomorrow. I'm going to miss this school and the kids. I kind of wonder if the new teacher will be good or not at teaching. I hope so, as a better teacher will prepare these kids for their futures. Anyway, I've seen that a lot of these kids are pretty innocent in that they are just like any other kid that i've met in my life. I think as they go to Jr. High school and High school, that the damage to their personalities starts. Well, at least for me it did.

Anyway, I guess that's all a part of growing up. And all apart of being human. If you choose good things, then you will reap good things. If you choose bad things, then you will reap bad things. God is not mocked! A man reaps what he sows.

I think that it has been a good experience living in Japan. I think that I could live here longer, but I think that maybe there's another reason besides doing a job poorly that I'm coming home. Whatever it is, I kind of wanted to come home, even though I wanted to stay longer. I see some reasons for me to come home...that being that I don't know what tomorrow will bring and I don't know how long my parents will be here, or even my dog as he's getting old. I don't expect anything bad to happen to them, but being away for so long, it made me realize that I am missing out on some things by being away.

Eventually, wherever a job takes me, I'll move away. I don't have a point in what I'm trying to say. But I just wanted to say that I'm kind of glad that I don't have to stress out anymore about planning lessons and what the other teachers think about my lessons, or just my work ethics. I did okay, but just little things like, leaning against a table, or yawning, or ending class a little bit late...I guess the last one is also important to the kids in America too as you need to end class on time also so that they can get to their next class. Anyway, I figure that maybe Japan isn't for me as I'll never be successful there. Maybe I should just start an ebay business. heh. I see guys selling video games all across the world. Not sure how the other people across the world play import games, and I kind of wonder why other people would be interested in games that they could get in their own country in their own language. I don't see why people would want to play American games, unless the game came from America, like God of War. Funny how that game kind of relates to the first topic I was talking about. In that game, the main character has this threesome with some goddesses or something like that. Not sure as I've never played the game. But definitely I hear that it's one of the great action games for the PS2. Rated Mature though. with good reason...Amen.

Anyway, I'm not sure what it's going to be like when I return. Definitely not seeing Japanese faces everywhere will be a change. In Japan, definitely the foreigner sticks out as you see all these people with black hair, or dyed hair and then you see someone else who looks....different. I don't know how they can take it.

Anyway, I'd better get going. Anyway, not sure what I should do with my life, but definitely I'm not going to run for governor. As Arnold is finding that it's a tough job, I wouldn't want to be criticized for trying to improve a whole state by changing things that affect some people's livlihood. I work for a union and I make $2000 a month. heh. Quote from Street fighter, the later years which I found on my friend's blog.

Okay, got to wake up early tomorrow for graduation. I've got to wear a suit and tie. Haven't worn one of those since last September. Hopefully I can wake up early enough. Got to go to sleep early tonight.

Same stuff...same routine

2007-03-18T19:20:00.000+09:00

This is a picture of Mt. Fuji that I took as I was coming home on Thursday from the school on the hill.

I spent all day inside today. Sunday...inside. I am really not motivated to go to church as I do feel like it'd really be odd for me to show up when I'm starting to leave. The church that I went to once is a small church...the pastor and his family are great people...but, I do feel really hesistant about going to church if I'm going to go only for two or three more times. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to do...stay inside. But I do think that maybe I should at least listen to a sermon from home on sunday. It's so easy to get distant if you don't go to church and have the support to keep moving forward in your faith.

I spent most of today playing Valkyrie profile. I should clean up my room...I didn't do that after I talked with my parents. I just played more video games. heh.

Anyway, I'm going to try to visit G-sak next weekend.

This week is my last week of school. This is the last time that I'll ever be a teacher to these kids. I guess everyone is looking forward to the last day of school and nervous about starting up the next year. I don't know what I'll be doing after that...but I do think that maybe it's best that I come home. For a variety of reasons.

Even though things will be a change from Japan and the single life, I'll be home and back to what is familiar. I guess I didn't really get a vacation after my last job ended before I took this job. I worked right up until the wednesday of my last week at work before I left for Japan the next week. I remember I was so rushed in my last few days in the US. Luckily I had my parents to help me and my parents packed up my stuff for me and even got it under the weight limit. I'm not looking forward to carrying all this stuff back home. But it is useful.

things I'm looking forward to when I come home are
-resting
-no more lesson planning
-being able to talk to people in English
-playing video games
-going to church
-driving a car again
-and definitely being around my friends and family again.
-oh yeah, and seeing my dog as he's getting old too.

Things I'm going to miss about Japan
-watching free anime on TV
-easy access to Japanese video games and manga
-My friends G-sak and Mel Ok (even though I didn't see Mel Ok my whole time here, at least we're on the same time zone and can chat.)
-the kids at school
-Easy access to Japanese food
-Eating tacos almost everyday
-the bottled and canned coffee
-the vending machines at every corner (makes me wonder how the heck they make any money off of these.)
-seeing Mt. Fuji almost every day
-Drinking Mt. Rainier lattes
-some of the teachers that I met here
-melon cream soda
-cc lemon soda

Things I won't miss about Japan
-my apartment
-my futon
-the post office
-lesson planning
-the humidity
-the cold winters with hardly any heaters around
-the wind (it's really windy in my area.)
-the hill I have to bike up every Wednesday and Thursday (5km)
-not being able to blow your nose in public...even though I'm thought of as gross when I do that in the US.
-the mosquitos...hate them as they buzz around my head when I was sleeping in the summer.
-the hot summers
-The chimes that go off at noon and at 5pm.
-being alone

That last one, I like my time alone, but there comes a time when you just get tired of being by yourself. I can see why it's important to be in a community or at least have a spouse or have a pet to take care of. There's something about other living beings that is special. Even though we may not get along all the time, definitely there's something there that you can't get from man made stuff.

I wonder why God created the heavens and the earth. It's pretty amazing that there is so much variety in this world in terms of places, people, and other things.

Anyway, I'm not sure what lies ahead, but definitely there's a purpose in life. Heh, I'm wondering if I'm following the wrong path in my daily living. I don't know...anyway, I think that I need to stop going to the grocery store when i'm hungry. I saw that they got a new stock of taco shells and I bought 3 boxes. Taco shells cost $1 in the US, but here in Japan, they cost $4 a box. The reason being that they have to import them from the US as it's Old El Paso brand...I think General mills? Anyway, you don't use an oven to heat up the taco shells, but you put the taco shells on a plate and put them in the microwave for about a minute. It works well. The only problem is that I only a small microwave, and a small plate, so I can only heat up two taco shells at a time. With the sauce dripping from the tacos, I usually have to wash my dish only with water and wipe it up and heat the taco shells again. So it's not very convenient. But it works and keep you from having to eat a whole bunch of tacos if you make too many shells.

I'm thinking that the foreigners here in the suburbs buy the taco shells and seasoning. But I could be wrong, because the locals might also be eating them too. Anyway, I don't think that there's anyway that I'm going to be able to invite anybody over to my place, because I keep on playing video games instead of cleaning up my apartment. heh. Oh well...maybe I should not play video games this week and also not watch any tv.

Can't party my last days here. Got to get all this stuff home.

Anyway, I thought that the dinner bento tht I bought was only for one person, but when I brought it home and started to eat it, I realized just how much food this was. This isn't a bento....it is a party platter!!! Needless to say, after eating 9 pieces of meat, there is still 2/3rds of it left. Yes, I ate all the meat and left the mame and shrimp. And I still have quite a bit of meat left. Man, I really need to eat all of this up.

Hmmm...I'll take a picture.

Anyway, as you can see, I guess I have a hard time judging how much a person can eat. This is what's left after eating all that I could.

Valkyrie profile part 2

2007-03-17T21:26:00.000+09:00

I spent the whole day playing video games. The only game I played today was Valkyrie profile lenneth for the PSP. I remember getting that at a gamestop in the city while I was coming home from a doctor's appointment after stopping by the mall. I remember asking the clerk if they had any ones that were factory sealed...I didn't want any game that could possibly have some people's germs all over the instruction booklet...he looked and pulled one out of the drawer.

Then he asked me if I would like to reserve a copy of loco roco...if I liked Valkyrie profile, then I might like a far out game like this one. I told him that I was going to Japan to teach English...I wrote about this before...but yeah, the clerk just so happened to teacher English in Japan before too. Seemed like such a nice guy. He also was pretty funny. But i remember thinking back then, "you have a college degree and you're working at a gamestop?" When I think about my situation now and the fact that I won't have a job after March, I kind of wonder if I should apply at gamestop...heh. Most likely, I'll find some type of low paying job at first and try to improve my Japanese skills...it seems like I really don't want to do that...as I never seem to study it.

I came to Japan thinking that I'd improve my Japanese...and while it has improved a little bit, I only improved on the things that I already knew. The new things, I hardly learned any new things. Vocabulary is one of them...as I would forget the word about a day later. And hearing the word does not mean that you'll recognize the kanji.

Anyway, how this relates to Valkyrie profile is that in the game, you are the battle maiden valkyrie. It is based upon Norse Mythology and Odin has summoned you into service to go to Midgard to find humans near death and to train them for use in the battle for the end of the world. There is a dual scenario going on at the time. One is where you're at Midgard collecting souls and destroying evil spirits and training your warriors to be sent to Asgard. The other is in Asgard, where there is a war of gods going on between 3 armies. Your army, and two other armies.

WARNING...
SPOILER on the game...really not surprising since it is true to life also.

Anyway, when you level up, you get points for your characters to improve either their battle skills, characteristics, or general stat and skill level of something like "find trap" or "march" or "fight"...those have certain skill increasing attributes to the level. 8 is the max on most of them...1 is the max on some of them.

How this works together is that Asgard wants heroes with a certain hero level. Human charactertics have levels also and some are positive, some are negative. If you add a level to the positive traits, then you increase their hero level. If you add a level to their negative trait, their hero level decreases..an example could be, seriousness, or thoughtfulness, or cowardess...stuff like that. one is even, "can't swim" heh.

Anyway, so it's not simply leveling up, even though it is...it's more of a choice of what is most important for that character.

How this comes into play is that when you send the characters to Asgard, how well they do there depends on their level of a specific characteristic that you've trained them with...meaning what characteristics you chose to level up. 8 is the max. 0 is the lowest. What I'm seeing after playing about 3 chapters of this game is that your heroes can either do well or mess up depending on if you sent the right characters at the right time.

One character, whom I sent early on because her hero level was high and they required a high hero level, I didn't prepare well enough, so she is doing well in some areas like attacking, but not good in other areas like falling into traps or not being able to identify what an item is...and also her personality has a grating edge against her superior officer. heh. So it's a pretty good game in that sense that it mirrors life to some degree.

How this relates to me is that I really do think that if I had more training or experience, I could have done better. I've gotten better than the level that I started at when I first started teaching, but it still was not good enough since they were paying my company a lot of money to have me there. So I don't blame my company for me not doing well, but I do think that it has been really a lot of on the job training that I had to learn. I guess this is a good lesson in life too about working...

One of my other friends who I talked to about his job...not in teaching, but in something else...said that from our school, he didn't think that our school had a good communications program as he had to learn how to do all of his skills on the job too. I guess that's why employers treat experience with such high regard. However, school may be the foundation, but real world experience is the test and the trial and error stage. I can see why it's so hard to get a job for some people. They don't work hard in school and it's even harder to get a job. I guess that's why I need to putting in the hours studying Japanese.

Just because one goes to Japan, doesn't mean that one will become good at Japanese. Things take effort..and concentration...and improvement. Tenacity is a key, but you need to have the marathon mindset to do well. I guess I know these things...I've just got to do them. I guess I won't learn Japanese as well as I'd have liked to...but I do think that definitely studying it from a book is just as important as hearing it and speaking it.

One of my friends here who got a job with a teaching company last year and now works for JET is getting really good at Japanese. He has always been strong in language. He can speak at least 3 languages I think. And yes, he's Asian American. Anyway, me, I haven't been so strong in language. I think maybe I should have pursued more of math or Engineering. But I think that that will have come in my off time. Heh, unlikely...

Oh well...maybe I should really just do what I need to do instead of talking about it all the time. I guess I did do that once...I went to Japan to teach English. Now what else do i want to do? I guess I need to make skills in those areas just like in my video game. heh.

Last teaching day

2007-03-16T19:11:00.000+09:00

I woke up with a sore throat. I knew I was sick, but since it was my last day teaching, and I wasn't feeling that bad I decided to go. But I forgot a mask.

I decided to do days of the week for the 2nd graders. My last two classes this year. Again, when I do Karuta, the kids seem to cry when they don't get cards sometimes. One kid started crying after the first two were called. One thing that I notice here in Japan is that some of the kids have hearts when someone else is hurt, so they sometimes let the other kid get some cards when they see that they're getting upset. But that's not all the kids though.

I felt bad again, because another kid cried in my class. I keep on thinking that there will always be something wrong in a lesson and I just have to deal with it, or change it. Anyway, I think that there's a big culture clash with English and Japanese. I feel sick right now.

Anyway, call me insensitive, but I just can't seem to really understand people sometimes. Maybe I'm just a fool who has no idea what goes on. Well...not that I'd want to know everything...otherwise, I'd go nuts. Anyway, I kind of wonder if one of the teacher's liked me...and I just was insensitive to her feelings. heh. Since there is a lack of communication, I think that we just tend to say nothing. Anyway, I felt sick, so I left the conversation about 5 minutes into it. Maybe I got one of the influenza sicknesses in Yamanashi.

I was looking on this health page on the school computer...apparently someone had a link to it, and it showed that Yamanashi is in a high warning stage. Apparently the 3 schools that I go to are all facing this problem. Wow...another Influenza epidemic. Oh well...Hopefully I'll get better tomorrow.

Anyway, I've started to feel sick since Monday...and I've been going to sleep early almost every night except last night. Anyway, I might just go to sleep early tonight...

Not sure...

2007-03-13T19:29:00.000+09:00

I don't know why I came to Japan. There have been ups and downs, mostly downs, especially on wednesday and Thursday, but I guess I won't know the reason until maybe a long time has passed.

Japan is a different country than the US. I don't understand a lot of the culture here and some of the people here are not really honest with me all the time in terms of their feelings. But some of the people I've met are really great people. Not all, but some.

Anyway, I guess I could draw a lot similarities to the US in terms of people. People are people and in both places, I've met a lot of the same kinds of people. People are different, but I think that generally, people are the same everywhere.

Anyway, I wasn't able to get my tax refund. I couldn't understand what the heck the guy was saying most of the time, because he was using technical words. But I got the jist of it. Anyway, when I went to the tax office, they told me that it isn't handled at the office specifically. I had to go to a supermarket building and go to the 3rd floor where there was this open room with cubicle walls separating each division. I tried to talk to the greeter, and he led me to the front desk. Then I tried to talk to the guy, but he didn't understand what I was saying. Anyway, I think he understood because he led me to another division. So I go there and the guy says something in Japanese like, "If you're not going to be in the country, then you can't receive your tax refund." Anyway, I say that I didn't understand everything, and he comes back with some papers. I didn't know what the heck he was saying still, but I caught on to one or two words.

Anyway, I called my friend up to ask him if I could use his name and address to receive the money. He said okay and he even told me his address even though he sent it awhile ago. I didn't have it on my phone and didn't know the kanji, so after I got it, I typed in the hiragana and got the kanji for the address. Thanks man.

But unfortunately, there were some other foreigners there that could speak Japanese fairly well. And they were talking for quite awhile with this guy. I wanted to get his attention, but I was waiting...and waiting and waiting for about 20 minutes. I guess I should say something next time. I actually did say something and it was simple sumimasen, and all I wanted to know was what this line said...technical terms...no idea. After I finished, I called the guy again and he said that my friend needed to be present. And he needed to give his hanko too.

Anyway, there's no way that my friend can get here at all, because he's working, so I realized that it was impossible for me to receive a tax refund when I'm not going to be here in May and I don't have anybody with me.

I should have called my IC to come and help me. But I really don't know if they'd send me my money at all. Plus I didn't know how things worked in Japan. Maybe Identity theft is harder than the US. heh. Anyway, Japan is not as computerized as the US right now...I think..I'm not sure about that. But yeah, definitely the two countries are different. Neither is better than the other, but I think that maybe it's time for me to come home.

Anyway, it was a long day. And I think I'm getting sick. There has been an outbreak of Influenza at two schools that I'm at. Not sure if I got it. But it'd suck to have to clean my apartment when I'm sick. heh.

The last time I got sick was when I came home for Christmas. There I got really sick and I was in bed for about a week and even slightly sick when I returned back to Japan.

GDC (Game Developer's conference)

2007-03-11T17:34:00.000+09:00

I talked to my dad today for a brief moment. He mentioned Shigeru Miyamoto. If you guys don't know who that is, he's the genius game developer who created Donkey Kong, Pacman, Mario and Zelda. If you still have no idea what I'm talking about then I kind of wonder if you know anything about video games.

Anyway, he gave a great speech which is documented by Gamespot. His main point as my dad was telling me, was that video games are supposed to be fun. His vision was that the people playing the games and the people watching would leave with happy, smiling faces.

I must say that before the Wii came out, I thought that Nintendo should go into just making games and forget making consoles. I was disappointed though when I tried out the Wii and my friend's house. But as i'm seeing just the potential it has for other games, I'm seeing that definitely, Nintendo is a company trying to reach everyone and not just the sterotypical gamer. As shown with Brain age, Big Brain Academy, Animal crossing (All games for the Nintendo DS.)

One of the funny anecdotes that he mentions is the wife-o-meter. How his wife wasn't interested in video games at all. But by expanding the audience in the games that he was developing, she slowly took up video games and when he came home one day, she was playing the wii. She had not only downloaded a program, but had made a "Mii" (not sure what that is) for him and all their relatives. I think that is a character portrait. Me...Upside Wii.

Anyway, check out the link found here.

If you're interested in other speeches at the conference, you can find them also on Gamespot too.

One thing I must say though, is that I never expected Nintendo to do well after the Playstation came out, but I must say that the DS is one milestone that will develop other great systems. (DS stands for Dual Screen...the bottom screen is a touch screen.) The Wii, is also a great milestone. I only hope that the creative juices to make games fun continue from other people as well.

I guess I should be thinking of ideas if I want to go into video games. But I'm kind of wondering if I could handle a lifestyle of game design given my poor ability to adjust to a Japanese work life style. Definitely I'll have to do some prep beforehand if I want to get into that.

I'm kind of wondering if Square-Enix will go into the Wii zone and create new games for that system too. Definitely their old style of games for Final Fantasy will be coming out for the Playstation 3, but as some of you may know, Dragon Quest 9 will be a DS game only.

Maybe Microsoft and Sony have to think outside of the box and not only make their systems for the adult age Nintendo 8 bit system generation and reach people who may not have any interest in video games. Hard to do, but as Nintendo has proved, it's doable.

Anyway, I just hope that Japan starts to sell some of their games outside of Japan...especially in Japanese as I really don't like the fact that it's freaking hard to get games in Japanese outside of Japan. Sometimes they have the games in the original language with that option, but most of the time they don't. My hope for the PS3 is that they have more than one language track for their games, ie English and Japanese, as I can't stand the voice acting in some of the English tracks and I think that the Japanese voice actors are better. Also, for learners of other languages, I hope that they include different options for text as the first Onimusha did with the option for Japanese text and English text, also the same for voice.

Anyway, that's the reason why I bought so many Japanese video games here in Japan. I wanted to play the games in the original language. I guess if Sony and Microsoft made a language option for all their games, then it would take longer to make it. Oh well...hopefully in America they do that...that way I don't have to import games anymore. heh.

Things Jon eats

2007-03-10T22:21:00.000+09:00

So since I got to Japan, I've tried a few new things like squid sashimi and tried Yakitori for the first time. But some of the things below are what I'll remember most about the ordinary things that I've eaten.

This was a prize that I won at the end of the year "forget the year party." Cheese and crackers.

I thought, this looks interesting. I've never seen red cheese before...and I took a bite out of it. I thought, this kind of tastes like wax...then I noticed the straps on the side of the cheese.

It was wax...I was supposed to peel the wax off.

This is one type of fried chicken in Japan. I've seen two types so far. This one is Chicken Karaage like. The other one is like the greasy fried chicken we all love back home. I think I bought this for 380 yen at the local supermarket. Notice the bite sized shape that's easy to pick up with chopsticks.

This is the steak that I buy from the local supermarket. The one on the left is one that's been in my fridge for about a week. It was starting to spoil, so I thought that I'd make some tacos out of it. The one on the right is the fresh one that I bought. I think the price tag is 485 yen. Not bad huh?

This is some fatty diced steak that I bought at the local supermarket. I bought it for about 350 yen. I guess it wasn't selling.

I fried it in oil and soy sauce...like how I cook spam. It may look good, but the texture and the fat content just made me really just want to throw this away after the first bite. I like my meat to be solid. Not some soft, mushy type of unknown meat...kind of like ground beef except there was no traces of meat, only mush.

[edit]...some of you might not have gotten my humor...but I do like spam. I guess most of you wouldn't know...anyway, spam is firmer/edit

Anyway, I should probably go out to eat more, but I kind of want to save money since I might not get my second to last paycheck, because I will get that after I leave the company. Sucks...so i'll have to watch my money.

[edit]

This was a steak that I made a long time ago from the same type of meat in the 485 yen package. Fried in oil and cooked in soy sauce, with a lot of salt and pepper. It tastes so good.

/edit

tempo ibun ayakashi ayashi

2007-03-10T20:28:00.000+09:00

This anime is pretty cool. It takes place back in one of the eras in Japan...[edit] I said the edo era, but I don't think that there is an edo era./edit I'm not sure...maybe around 1425...I don't know Japanese history. But yeah, It's on on Saturdays at 6:30 pm I think and I missed it again! I really want this anime to come out in the states, but I don't know if it will come out.

Anyway, the main character is a guy who ran away from his noble family...not because of his family, but because of something else. At the end of the first episode, it shows exactly what he's running away from and why he couldn't stay in one place for very long. One part is when he was discovered that he travelled to different areas. They give tattoos to drifters, because people are travelling to different areas to find food and work, so the tattoos are to tell people that they're not from there and are outsiders. The main character has at least two.

Anyway, I think he knows some swordsmanship too.

Check out the first link on Youtube if you are interested in old Japan.

you can find the first link here. And yes, it's subtitled. Anyway, you can probably find the episodes somewhere else on the internet, but if you don't mind youtube, then it's worth checking out.

Ebay

2007-03-09T21:58:00.000+09:00

Whoever invented ebay was a pretty smart guy to make all these fees for making something easier to sell. I can see why people don't use ebay. Anyway, after fees, I basically made maybe $1 for this cheap video game that I bought brand new. Feedback is okay, but still, it took some time to get all of these things ready.

I guess what my friend told me was correct. "There's no such thing as easy money."

Anyway, I sold something else today too on ebay. I listed it up for a week and it sold on Thursday when I was at work Friday. So I didn't know that it sold and I didn't mail it today. So they'll have to wait until Monday, which could be a problem as they chose expedited shipping.

One problem with international mail is that you can't always track it. And sometimes the buyers may not be trustworthy. But so far, people have given all positives to the sellers when i looked on their feedback pages. Anyway, I guess feedback is not everything and there will be dishonest people out there. But the guy who created ebay used the western model of economics as he wanted the market to determine the prices. So basically, the regular market and the ebay market. He also believed that people are mainly good and that there will only be a few bad people. Generally, I've seen that for most of the sellers that I've seen, they have a lot of good buyers out there. But however, I've seen one or two transactions where there has been a problem. Anyway, I've come to see from experience that there are a lot of different people out there in the world. Some are okay, some are not okay. But we all are at different stages of our lives. Maybe a good stage, maybe a bad stage. We only see the person for a brief moment. Anyway, I guess that's why Jesus says, "Do not judge or you too will be judged. Do not condemn or you too will be condemned. Forgive and you'll be forgiven."

You can find the link here on the website www.biblegateway.com

Anyway, I'm reminded in this ever so filled world full of money that people do need God and we are flawed just like everyone else. But who knows...maybe my life will count for something in the end.

Anyway, I've been lucky so far in that all the people that I've sold to haven't left me negative feedback. Well, most of them haven't left me feedback yet. Man, it takes a long time for the packages to get from Japan to elsewhere. Anyway, I'm not making much money on Ebay, but I think that it's at least good that I'm making something. Even if it's only pocket change. It may not be worth it. But at least I have an out when I want to get rid of stuff.

I got my last day package

2007-03-08T20:28:00.000+09:00

I got my end of contract package today. I think that I should call my company tomorrow when I get back, as they didn't fill in any of the information as to when my contract ends. I don't know when my contract ends, so I'm assuming that if I fill it in, it's going to end on March 31st.

One good piece of news though was that I have to give 30 days notice to my apartment sales agent, so that means that I have to let them know when I'm going to be vacating. I'm going to talk to my company tomorrow about whether or not I will get charged for the whole month if I leave in the middle. I hope not, if so, then I'm going to stay there and sell stuff on Ebay for those 4 weeks. I can change my plane ticket, but that would mean another $50 to change it...or $75...I'm not sure.

Anyway, I know that it's going to take some time for me to get all of this stuff mailed. I think that I'll forget packing my video games in cardboard boxes as I don't have enough small boxes to do so. I think that i'll just wrap it in bubblewrap and use cardboard wrap, then wrap it in paper and send it SAL, economy airmail. I don't trust surface mail...as you'll never know if your package is on the bottom of the wall of boxes. Even though it would cost about half as much to send it surface mail, I don't want my stuff that I spent a lot of money on to be broken when I receive it.

I think that I'm going to stop selling on ebay for a little bit until receive feedback from people. I don't think that the buyers trust me right now with very little buyer feedback. Anyway, my pages get about 70-100 hits, but my buyers haven't received their packages, and I think that the other buyers want to see some results. So i guess starting out is tough as you can't sell a whole bunch at once, which I need to do to get rid of this stuff.

Anyway, I'm just thankful that I can stay in my apartment longer. That might give me some time to go travelling. Also to visit my friend in Tokyo on the weekend and leave on Monday instead of Sunday night when they're eating. Also, time will not be too much of a factor, so I can take the normal train and pay half as much one way.

My parents are coming to Japan in about a month and I'm looking forward to seeing them. I don't know what we'll do when we meet, but maybe they'll have some ideas. Yeah, bad I know...I don't know Japan any better than they do. heh.

Anyway, there's some things that I need to do before I leave Japan. Hopefully I can get all of those taken care of before I leave. I don't like leaving bills unpaid. Like that other guy who lived in this apartment before me with the TV bill. It's up to 500,000 yen right now. Hopefully they don't call some Yakuza collector to get me to pay that guy's bill before I leave. I'm not sure if I'm getting cable or not. I don't know if I'm supposed to pay a tax or airwave bills or not. I don't know if all the people get taxed from NHK just because it supports a nationwide television company. But I'm guessing no. Anyway, fyi, I'm not planning on contacting that company as they might want me to pay that guy's bill. I hope they ruin his credit as he should know that he's supposed to pay off the bills or at least tell them that he wants it cancelled. Anyway, the last time the bill was paid was when I think he was still there. Apparently it was paid around December a year and a half ago. But since that time, he hasn't paid since he pays by convenience store. Anyway, this apartment was vacated around april I think as the cleaning thing said that it was disinfected around april. Well, there you have it, not all people are honest.

Anyway, I think that I'm going to ship my clothes home...just need to buy big boxes. Those I can ship surface mail as I don't care if some 100lbs. package is on top of my clothes. They won't be broken like a PS2. one reason why I don't like surface mail for overseas shipping is that you have more force on a box when you ship it through sea mail. The waves and the shifting of weight every wave can cause a box to crush, especially if there are other boxes on top of it, which most likely there will be. Working at my old job, just seeing trailers with boxes on the bottom crushed by poor loading (ie heavy box on top and light box on the bottom) I've come to see that the faster you can get something through shipping, the less chance you have of the shippers breaking it. heh. Still that's no guarantee that the faster shipping will allow your package to get there unharmed. Anyway, you would be surprised what people ship. Iron pipes, flammables, poisons, liquids that can leak on other packages, and also manholes. Those can be kind of dangerous...i usually liked handling that by myself and not working with a partner as if you miscommunicate or don't communicate at all, then you can get hurt. Or your partner can get hurt. That's why we always were told to communicate when lifting packages and not assume that the other person would know what you're going to do. That's why I got hurt in old job. But i'm healed now, so it's not a big deal. Only a painful memory..

Anyway, I might stay in Japan longer and make my plane reservation for a later date if I can stay in my apartment for a longer period of time. But I'd have to be wise with my money as my company won't pay me my last two paychecks until I get everything taken care of. I guess that's their way of making sure that you are responsible and don't leave them with the bill.

I'm thinking that I need to pay local taxes at the local ward. I think that I'd better contact my company about that too.

Anyway, after the last couple of days, I'm kind of glad that I'm not going to be working in Japan anymore. I got yelled at for falling asleep. The vice principal thought that I had classes yesterday and got pretty angry at me. I thought that she knew that the teachers didn't want to have a class that day. But apparently not so I told her that it was cancelled. Then she got angry at me even more saying that this is a job and you should not be sitting there doing nothing. I knew that, but what was I supposed to do when I have everything planned and I don't have anything to do. Anyway, she sent me to a class to help the teacher out. I think that she was so angry that she left early. But I apologized to her today and she said in a calm voice that this is a job and if you're not working, then you won't get paid. So I agree with her. I guess I need to look busy if I'm not doing anything. heh.. Well, the teacher in charge of me assigned me classes to help out with or observe for next week. So that's taken care of. I won't get yelled at again for sleeping because I won't have an opportunity to sleep. Except during the beginning time when I get there...hmm...maybe I should just try to go to sleep early instead of surfing the net and obsessed with ebay. I'm kind of wondering if the post office will tell me that I need to stop sending this stuff out of the country. I don't know how the other selllers make money when the shipping costs are so high and they charge only $7 or $6 for shipping. I guess they take a hit too.

Anyway, enough about money.

I'm kind of excited to go home. But I'm also kind of excited for this time off after my contract ends. I wanted to visit some places, but I think that maybe I'll just stick to my area and look around here. I just have to make sure that I don't see the kids when they get off of school. I think that they'll feel bad for the first couple of weeks, but that they'll get over me and that they'll get used to the new ALT.

I saw a black guy speaking pretty fluent Japanese at my school today. I wonder if that's the new ALT. I don't think so, but I kind of wonder if this school district will not be using my company anymore. Anyway, all the other ALTs in my company in this city will be leaving also, so that could have played a factor in it too.

anyway, lessons learned about the real world. My old job in the states at the packing company hired mostly people with only a high school diploma or college students. I guess there was more slack given than these upper class jobs. I wouldn't call my company a good paying company, but at least I earned more money than my old job and got a whole bunch of video games to boot. Hmm..if anyone wants a video game, then tell me soon, because it will take about a week or so to get it from the internet. Anyway, I already bought the bible study some DS games, 3 to be exact, so you can play them when I get back. But who knows, they migth require Japanese, so i might be playing them to unlock a whole bunch of stuff so you guys could play the multiplayer later on.

Anyway...the games are, Jump Ultimate stars, that robot game cho sou jyu something (you use the stylus to do attacks), and also a $20 Naruto battle game. Never played it myself. But I think that I'll open that to see if I want to get another copy for myself. Anyway, it sells on ebay for about $15 more new, but nobody buys it because it's so old...2005 I think. Hey, the games nowadays are getting better.

Anyway, I've babbled on for quite a bit about a lot of different things. I sometimes wonder if people get frustrated reading my blog as I jump from topic to tangent.

Anyway, I'd better get going. Got to prepare for tomorrow. Nothing big, I already have the lesson planned out, but you'll never know how the lesson will go the next day. Anyway I'm just glad that I only have three classes tomorrow. I don't know what the heck I'm going to do in my time off at school, but maybe I can write in my journal reflections about Japan and my working here.

Paprika

2007-03-06T22:33:00.000+09:00

I saw an ad for this movie. Satoshi Kon, an animator in Japan, directed this movie. It's coming to the US...but it may be kind of demented for some people. If you've seen Perfect Blue, another one of Satoshi Kon's movies based upon a book, then you'd know that he doesn't choose movies that are easy to watch. But at least they're interesting to the Otaku, and people interested in stuff like this. Anime...sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. Anyway, I plan to see this movie at least once. You can find the link here on MSN.

PS, I wrote an entry as I was doing other things and blogger messed up...so it's gone. But yeah, I don't feel like writing it. It was good stuff to some degree, but still, it was just babble.

[edit] If you don't want to watch the trailer, then you can check out the website at

www.paprikamovie.com

Interesting synopsis. This could however, be one that you don't want to take a date to though.

The day back after the news

2007-03-05T20:35:00.000+09:00

I wasn't feeling good at school today. I felt rejected, lost, and a bad teacher. I tried not to feel bitter at the teachers...and I think that as I taught with two teachers today, that the people haven't changed and they still like me...as they say, it's nothing personal, it's business.

The two teachers taught with today took more control of the class than they have in the past. I think I was just struggling to actually teach. Anyway, I teach my last class at this school tomorrow. I only have one class tomorrow. I'm not sure why the heck I still have to be at school when I have no classes. But I guess my contract lasts until the end of March, so I have to be at school even if I'm doing nothing but twiddling my thumbs. heh. I guess that's not much different than I was doing before.

In some sense, it's a weight off my of shoulders, because I know that I failed and I don't have to worry about trying to impress the teachers or teach a good lesson anymore. Not saying that I won't teach a good lesson, but saying that I don't have to worry about my reviews anymore. Maybe being a teacher is not what I'm meant for. I used to think that I could do that...and maybe I can, but definitely I wasn't a real teacher as an ALT. An ALT is just an assistant, but for sure, it's an odd role sometimes, because we're supposed to make fun lessons, but we have to rely on the homeroom teacher to execute those things. Sometimes they don't go as planned and that's okay, but sometimes there is a lack of communication between me and the homeroom teacher. Yes, I know that I speak a little Japanese, but I don't really know how to express myself in Japanese. Do you understand what I'm talking about? I don't know Japanese well enough to say what I mean...it always comes out as something else. But I guess the more you use your Japanese, the more you'll see what it means...that is if someone tells you. heh.

At lunch today, I was expecting a bad reception after my horrible lesson last week. But the kids were excited to see me. They even played with me during recess. They're good kids. I guess maybe I did do something right after all. I just hope the person after me will be a good person, but also a great teacher too. These kids are great. They deserve to learn how to speak English. And they are smart kids, I just couldn't deliver mainly because I just don't know how to very well. But it was good while it lasted...teaching.

Anyway, I decided to tell my head teacher that I was supposed to get out at a certain time that I'm supposed to get out at. I was getting out an hour later, because i didn't know what time I was supposed to leave on the first day. So for the past 6 months, i've been working 9 hours a day and not getting any extra for the extra hour. Not like i was doing anything during that time, but i could have been if I had things planned better. Anyway, i was thinking today, "i should have told him earlier," because he seemed okay with it...he just asked me if my company told me this or not.

Anyway, he let me out at 4 and I went to the post office to mail a package home. Man, 4 video games weighs 700grams...that cost quite a bit of money sending it the slowest airmail. About 880 yen. Which is not too bad I guess since it's airmail. But man, that was a small packet too which gave it an additional discount. I'm wondering how the heck they can charge so little for this. Now think about it, it's pretty amazing that it didn't cost more.

Anyway, I have a feeling that this could get bad when I'm trying to send everything home. It cost you how much to ship all that? Hmm...

Anyway, today went okay. I think that regardless of whether or not the teachers didn't want me to stay, I found that they still like me as a person. And that's true with the kids too. So maybe i'm not a total failure here in Japan. heh.

Anyway, I just need to stay upbeat in my last days here. I'm wondering what I'll do when I come home. But maybe I just need to not worry about that now and just make sure that I take care of what i need to now.

Okay...enough of the blog.

Home...

2007-03-04T19:19:00.000+09:00

Looking forward to coming home as I was reminded of star wars epic duels. I tried to find an expansion set somewhere on the internet. I found one review by this guy who said,

I've honestly clocked over half a thousand games on it already in a two-year time span, and it's still a blast to play.

Anyway, it's kind of hard to play board games by yourself. It's more fun with more people. heh. Anyway, I should really get going and stop surfing the net. heh

Video games madness

2007-03-04T18:03:00.000+09:00

I usually don't have time for video games. But since I finished all my lesson planning for this year, I can indulge a little. However, today wasn't spent playing video games, but looking on the internet shopping for deals before I leave Japan. I figure that I can't get this stuff in America unless I want to take a chance that they'll release here. Most of the games they usually release here. But not all. Dragon quest Yangus, is one of them that I bought that will probably never see the states.

Anyway, on another good note, my brother got me a gift certificate to the Japan Amazon, so I used it for, guess what? Video games. heh. Dude, some of the games in Japan don't go down in price. Unless someone is selling it used. I figured that since most of the people here in Japan take good care of their things, that i could buy some used things. But since the new ones weren't that much more expensive, I bought them for about $5-7 more instead of taking a chance that they'll be okay.

I kind of went crazy this past weekend with all the shopping that I did online. Hmm...which still reminds me that I need to get two more games which I can pay at the convience store. I can imagine the poor driver delivering all this stuff to my door. But at least it's not heavy.

I'm going to have to send all this stuff home through the mail. I'm thinking that it's going to be really hard to carry all of this stuff, especially my books. But at least I won't have to carry it all at once to the airport.

I'm glad for the most part that I got this job, mainly because I was able to get so many good games. heh. Seriously, the kids have been both the good and bad parts about teaching here, but yeah, I definitely enjoyed doing this job...well, now that I look back on it. Throughout the job it was kind of stressful preparing lessons and wondering if the teacher's liked my lessons or not. When I got back to Japan after Christmas, I stopped caring what the teacher's thought, or what the head teachers thought, because no matter how well I did, there was always something wrong or something would happen with one of the classes. Not to say that that happened all the time, but to say that definitely I was thinking throughout this 3rd term that the kids and teachers would be better off with someone else. Me too in terms of a job.

I don't think that I'm going to be teaching anymore in life again, unless I do a short term mission. But most likely, that won't happen. It was a good experience, but definitely I think that I'd be better off doing a job that doesn't involve interacting with people all the time. heh. Something that I wanted to do after my last job. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my life. But I guess I just need to keep improving my Japanese...even though it won't get too good, at least I can try to translate stuff and improve on that. I realize that I'm never going to be able to be really good at Japanese, but I can reach a higher level. Maybe level 2 on the Japanese Language proficiency test. heh...anyway....

I still have to prepare for tomorrow by separating all the different papers.

Yesterdays

2007-03-03T19:08:00.000+09:00

I love this song by Switchfoot. The arrangement and how everything blends in an ethereal memory of someone after the funeral. The chorus goes,

I remember you like yesterday, yesterday
I still can't believe your gone.
I remember you like yesterday, yesterday
And until I'm with you I'll carry on.

Just the way it is sung really makes this an interesting song. He has a rasp to his voice in the word yesterday in a rising pitch which gives it a sense of nostalgia. You have to hear this song to get a sense of what what the singer is feeling.

The Lyrics
Yesterdays
By Switchfoot

Flower curtain brought inside
Black cars in a single line
Your family in suits and ties
and your free

The ache that I feel inside
Is where the light has left your eyes
I'm alone for our last goodbye
But your free

(Chorus)
I remember you like yesterday, yesterday
I still can't believe you're gone...oh
I remember you like yesterday, yesterday
And until I'm with you I'll carry on

I drift on your ocean floor
I feel weightless numb and sore
A part of you in me is torn
But you're free

I awoke from a dream last night
I dreamt that you were by my side
Reminding me that you still had life....in me
Yeah

(Chorus)

i'll carry on....Oh
I'll carry on

Every lament is a love song
Yesterday, Yesterday
I still can't believe you're gone...oh
Every lament is a love song
Yesterday, Yesterday (a love song)
Oh so long my friend, so~ long

Anyway, I've been listening to Switchfoot quite a bit since a month ago. Oh Gravity! is now one of my favorite albums.

I don't know why i've been thinking about this song so much in the last month or so...but I think that maybe I was starting to miss home a lot more. When I'm back home, I'll probably remember Japan with fond and bitter memories. heh. But I'm at peace right now. For right now. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I get back. I'm kind of wondering if I should find a hip in pocket job as soon as possible. I really do not want to go back to my old job, but it's better than nothing. I just need some income. heh, maybe I should come home earlier. Anyway, I guess I shouldn't be worrying about money right now. Just got to stop spending so much now that my income is now limited.

Well, no since worrying about Yesterdays...just got to move forward. anyway, if anyone I know wants to hear the song, I can either email it to you, or please support the group by buying the album. But if you don't like Rock then you might not like this album.

Anyway, you can probably find it off of Itunes for $1.

One thing about Japan that I'll always remember is that the kids were always excited to see me. Not all the kids, but most of them. I think just acknowledging them is important to them. I would say hi to them when I saw each one of them. They really are great kids! I just think that it's kind of sad that love is not expressed as much here. I mean, people love their kids a lot here, but expressing it is a different thing...I guess if I ever do come back here as a missionary some day, I'll have to remember to acknowledge everyone that I meet. However, me a missionary? Heh....whatever....the lazy American bum in Japanese society...if I can ever get that together, maybe someday.

Someone once mentioned on his updates that Japanese people are said to make the best Christians. There's not many Christians that are from Japan. I'm not sure how other Christians are in other cultures, but I'm sure that there are many great Christians if not the best Christians in other cultures too. But in Japan, it's kind of weird, because Christianity is seen as something western. That being Christian, as I've been thinking, means that you're turning away from Japanese culture. But I know that that's not true. As long as it doesn't go against God and put nationality before God, you can be Japanese and Christian.

Japanese are very resistant to Christianity. I don't know why...but I kind of wonder when there will be a revival in Japan.

anyway, there's a lot of things that I've witnessed that are just part of the culture here in Japan and it does seem like it goes against Japanese thinking to be Christian. Or so in my opinion. I think maybe it's because of the cultural misundestandings in Christianity translated into Japanese. Anyway, one of my friends told me that Japan has a history of trying to prevent Christianity back in the Tokugawa era. Crazy stuff that Jesus said would come true...you'll be persecuted for your faith.

Anyway, I don't think that I did very much here. I didn't pray very much...I was only a witness. I think that maybe if I had been more faithful, better things could have happened for the people and me. I don't know what to say anymore....but maybe I just need to go out there and do it instead of analyzing so much. The Wudan group is going through Cost of Discipleship...I need to read that book. It's pretty crazy and amazing how the author understood what it meant to be Christian. Bonhoeffer, Dietrich...definitely he is great and even gave his life for Christ.

I kind of wonder where I'll go next. I don't know. But definitely there are good things ahead of me. If not hard things also. Not saying the hard things are bad, but saying that nobody wants to do what is hard, but sometimes the hard things that we must overcome are what makes it good. I'm babbling...

I do feel good though. Maybe because it's a day off.

I won't have a job after March and money

2007-03-03T17:36:00.000+09:00

I was tired yesterday. I fell asleep with the light on again. I didn't want to go to sleep. I was just sitting there thinking. I was expecting the company to tell me soon whether or not i'd have a job for next year.

At school, it seemed kind of strange. The teachers were asking me if I was alright. Well, two of them did...I didn't think anything of it. I thought that I looked worse than I usually did. Maybe I did as one of the students who has a mental handicap was kind of staring at me a little funny. Maybe I looked angry.

I must admit that I was tired, but I was awake.

I got a call yesterday from my company. I was told that I wasn't hired for another year. I could tell as soon as I started talking to him that he was a little nervous. I guess it's not easy telling people that they're laid off. I'm kind of glad though...even though I'm a little bummed.

Well, I have one month to get everything together and to prepare to come home.

For some reason I just thought about driving right now. And when I imagined driving, I was driving on the left side of the road. Hmm...maybe I should postpone that.

Throughout all my time here in Japan, I haven't driven on the road, I've only biked and taken the train. It's going to be different when I come home. But I'm looking forward to being somewhere familiar again.

I finally broke down and got my Japanese PS2. So now I can play PS2 games in addition to my PSP and DS games. heh. It's crazy how many games I bought here. I don't know how I'm going to play all of these games. I decided not to buy a Japanese PS3. 1. It weighs about 11 pounds and that's going to cost me a heck of a lot in shipping. I'm guessing at least $80 because I'd have to ship it Express mail. Airmail from Japan can't hold more than 2kg, or around a little more than 4 pounds. i don' trust surface mail for a PS3. Would anybody want something heavy on top of their PS3 for about 20-30 days? Hmm...So basically what I'm saying is that it would cost the same amount of money to buy a US one instead of buying a PS3 in Japan for $100 cheaper and paying around $100 for shipping.

Materialism...empty...but fun in some sense.

I've been trying to sell more on Ebay nowadays. I got one positive feedback so far. The others haven't made it to their destinations yet. I figure that I might as well get rid of the extra copies that I was planning to sell. I think that there's no way i can sell everything I've bought here. But I'm thinking of buying some more of this cheap game even though I don't get much for it. A lot of sellers are selling that too. I still make about $2-3 profit after I ship it. I don't know if I should add more for shipping.

Anyway, I kind of question why the heck I'm trying to sell stuff on Ebay. I mean, after fees, you don't make very much on video games. I wonder how this one seller makes any money off of video games that he sells for 99 cents. I guess the listing price is only 20 cents if you list it at 99 cents. It's possible to lose money on ebay. But at least if you do a good job, you'll make more money on it.

One person said at an ebay conference...well the speaker said to be correct, that you're selling an experience. People buy stuff because it makes them feel good. If you have excellent service and are found to be trustworthy, then you'll get more repeat buyers who would rather buy from you at a higher price than buying from someone else. Buying an experience...heh....too bad I haven't been able to do that very well so far.

One thing that keeps me buying from these online stores, is that the delivery service people are so nice. The Yamada denki shipping service has the nicest guy. Well, he treats me nice, but that's not why I buy from them. One other reason is that they ship the goods in sturdy boxes which I can reuse to sell on Ebay. For some reason Yamada Denki ships shipments at different tmes to get it to you as soon as possible. So instead of one box, they use several if the times are too scattered...meaning different shipping times...one day and 3 days. I mean, that's great that they ship it as soon as possible, but how the heck do they make money? I guess off of repeat buyers like me huh? A box is not that expensive, and to ship something in Japan maybe costs about 380 yen for regular service?

i love Yamada Denki, because they give you 5 percent back on your purchase for future purchases. They are the best.

Amazon is good too, but they don't have the same point system as Yamada Denki has. The only strength that Amazon has is that they're really quick in almost all their products and they usually have more in stock than Yamada Denki. Plus if something doesn't sell well, then they sell it at a low price to get rid a lot of stuff. that's true for the US amazon too. Then they jack up the price when they get rid of a lot more. They go off of a US economy based system. heh. supply and demand baby. Yamada has a different system it looks like. They give you more points for future purchases so that you'll come back to their store. If something doesn't sell well and they have a big stock, then they jack up the points you receive. That gets you to come back and spend more at their store also giving you more points. Interesting huh? You see where this is going? Kind of like credit cards, except that you are in debt when you're in credit cards.

Anyway, I know I should be saving up money. But I figure that it'll cost me more to get this stuff off of ebay like I'm selling now. I just wish that I started this ebay thing a lot earlier, I could have sold so much more. But I guess I was working like crazy on my lessons.

Oh well...nothing interesting to post.

Bill Nye baby!!

2007-02-27T20:05:00.000+09:00

Okay, so this has nothing to do with my previous post. But I thought that this article about hydrogen fuel cells by Bill Nye was pretty cool. Anyway, you can find the link here.

It's an art...

2007-02-27T19:29:00.000+09:00

I taught lessons today. I was expecting them to go better like yesterday. The first lesson was the first graders. That went okay, because it was a fairly simple lesson. Days of the week. Hard sometimes for some classes. But for these kids in first grade, it's the first time they've seen it in English. I'm glad that I taught it at the end of the year, because they might have not known it at the beginning of the year.

The 2nd class was during 5th period. It was the fourth graders. I did shopping, and man, it was too hard...that or I just did something wrong in my presentation. Anyway, I couldn't communicate to the teacher what I wanted them to do. So we ended up with confused children and them not knowing what I was trying to teach, and also for them not having fun either.

The 3rd class was the 6th graders. Boy was I glad that this was the last class. The 6th graders have always not paid attention in my class. So I just didn't care. Don't take it the wrong way. I jus didn't care if they liked my lesson or not. Even though they didn't really use the target language or use very much English, they had fun being robbers and also trying to jack the store clerks of their clothing items and money. heh. One kid got angry at the other kids for doing that, so I said, "insurance" and gave him a lot of the twenty dollary bills of fake money. He seemed happier after that.

Anyway, the kid with the most money was actually a shopper as he was one of the people who stole the money from all the shop clerks.

However, one girl was disappointed, because she couldn't get all of the things on her shopping list. She was crying again...she cried last time too, because she couldn't beat the other people who knew English better at karuta. I hope that she has fun in Jr. High school English classes. Hopefully the JET people will be better than me.

I'm thinking of not staying another year. I might, but I feel like I'm not going to get any better at this job, because I don't have the right techninques or experience. It'd be nice if I had a mentor, and I guess I could ask training for help, but I couldn't be friendly but firm to the 6th graders. I wasn't firm. It's kind of hard when you haven't been firm for most of your life. i was friendly, even though I started to lose it today in terms of my patience, I just could not be an authority figure. I've never been an authority figure my whole life and I don't know how to be one. It's also tough when you have no authority over these kids. Well, in the adults eyes I have no authority, but the kids don't know that.

Anyway, today, some of the kids said when I was leaving, "Sensei jya nai." He's not a teacher. What they meant by that, or how I interpretted that was that I am not a real teacher. Assistant teacher..it's kind of a weird relationship...because I'm teaching the class, yet the teachers don't always take authority when I'm teaching. So how the heck am I supposed to be an assistant? I don't know...but definitely I'm not a good teacher and I won't be in this short amount of time.

Well, next year could be different. I'm hoping that there's a next year for this teaching job, but I'm not sure if it's going to be more of the same...I guess I'll have to change and maybe take some authority even though I'm not supposed to.

Anyway, still have not heard back from my company. I'm expecting them to not give me another year. I'm also expecting them to not give me some time off to go turn in my taxes as it is only 2 weeks from when I'm going and they want a whole month. Crap...oh well...if not, then it's only $400. That's the amount of taxes that I paid last year. I probably won't get it all back. But I do think that it's important that there is taxes as it benefits the community. I mean, services don't come for free...however, in the US I do think that there needs to be a change in who gets promoted in the public sector...and also that they should fire some people in the public sector. I mean, come on, that's taxpayer money and I could see why people don't vote for more spending on taxes as a lot of their money is wasted. But still, however imperfect it is, taxes are needed for the public good. Roads are one of them. Man...I don't know how we can stand, but evidently there are some competent people.

Anyway, I'm one of the incompetent teachers here. I know that that's not a good thing to say, but I know that some of my lessons have been pretty bad. Some have been good, but still, I really don't know how to teach other than my lesson plans from my company. And not all of them work for these kids. I don't know if it's due to my lack of good teaching experience, or what, but definitely I feel that I'm not a good teacher.

Maybe I shouldn't return next year. Or, maybe I should make my own lesson plans. Anyway, there's high standards here for teachers. And I don't fit those. I mean, what do you expect when someone with no teaching experience goes into a classroom after one week of training? Hmm...well...I guess there's other things too. But still, maybe it would be best to return home. I'm leaning more towards that now. I guess I need to pray for direction.

Anyway, if the company says that I'm not going to return next year...hopefully they'll get back to me soon...then it will make things all that much more easier. The lower grades are easier to teach, but the upper grades have not gone so well. I'm wondering what the heck I could do differently. Definitely I'm not the only one who struggles with the upper grades. But I wonder how the Jr. High teachers do it.

Cuz, I get a kick out of you!!

2007-02-26T21:35:00.000+09:00

Today, I went into school not sure of what I was going to teach. I got it prepared, but I wasn't sure how to teach it. Luckily I taught it with another teacher who has a great rapport with his students. Anyway, to make a long story short, it went okay.

I've come to school knowing that regardless of whether or not I do a good job or not, it's going to be alright. The lessons seem to go alright most of the time. The kids seem to understand them. Today's lesson was a little harder than all the previous lessons. But I think that's why the kids enjoyed it a lot more. Anyway, it was shopping. I thought that they could do this, so I just created the lesson yesterday and did it today.

Anyway, the sensei thought that sizes were not needed, so they only had to remember the colors, and the word "and" and the names of the clothing items. I see that I have a ways to grow in teaching observing the other teacher today. He interacted with the students somehow. He found ways to participate in the activity and not just obeserve and correct. Definitely if I stay another year, then I'm going to have to watch how he teaches more closely. He is a really good teacher.

The only problem we had today was that we went overtime, so it caused a little trouble later on for the other teacher that came in, but I think that as long as the kids had fun, then that's what counts the most.

Anyway, I will teach that lesson again tomorrow. One thing that I'll need to do is make two sets, because I teach that same lesson twice back to back to two different classes. Today, it took awhile to put everything away. And everything got mismatched, so I'm just going to go with it like that tomorrow, because nobody seems to pay attention to what shop they bought stuff from. It's not necessary. They only need to buy what's on their list. And the kids like being shop owners too as they can see how much money they earned. heh.

kind of like Ebay for me. heh.

Anyway, I'm finding that I don't really want to stay another year, because I'm afraid that i'll disappoint the students next year with the same lessons. I mean, I don't think that my company updates their lessons every year, so that is a problem for me. I don't know, they'll probably forget the lessons in a year or so. And review is not a bad thing. So maybe it'll be alright.

I wonder if I can teach letters to the sixth graders. That should help them out quite a bit in Jr. High school. Maybe next year. That's coming up in a month and ten days or so.

Anyway, I've got to get going.

Oh yeah, the title...I actually spent some time with God today. It was the happiest that I've felt for awhile. Maybe since 3 weeks ago. Anyway, I think that things will be alright for now.

Is there a message here?

2007-02-25T22:43:00.000+09:00

I think that missing church today hurt my fantasy team. I decided not to go to church today. Why? I woke up too late again. Well, I woke up around 8:30am, then went back to sleep. Last night, I fell asleep with the light on again. I was tired...I basically didn't drink enough coffee as I only had one bottle (500ml.) heh.

So I slept the whole in my futon with the lights on. At 8:30, I turned off the light and went back to sleep. I woke up around 11am. Church starts at 10:30am. I also told myself, I don't want to go to church today. I need to work on my lessons.

Something about making better decisions with my life is what one of my friends talked to me about. Yesterday, I could have worked on my lessons, but I decided to play video games instead. I thought at the end of the day, "what the heck did I do all day?!?!?!?" Which contributed to my sleepiness at the end of the day from being all worn out from playing video games. Mentally...that's all it takes...I can usually handle physically most of the time.

Anyway, how missing church today hurt my fantasy team was that when I notice that the first thing I do when I come home and wake up is check my fantasy team. Then I noticed today that my team did extremely poorly. And not only that, but two of my best players on the same team injured themselves today. Emeka Okafor, and Gerald Wallace.

Anyway, I think i've been thinking too much about money lately. I think that I need to put God first again in my life. I haven't been doing that.

I think that God will do some great things in my life if I decide to put Him first. He has already, but even greater things than these. Oh well...I guess I need to start with the basics first. Yeah, basics...foundation...then structure.

Anyway, I keep on wondering why the heck I'm so materialistic these days. Why the heck did I start to buy a whole bunch of stuff after I got a job? Why the heck do I keep on thinking that these things will make me happy? Definitely video games has not made me happy. It has entertained me, but I am not truly happy when I play video games.

Anyway, I think that I just want to take the easy way out again. Avoidance. Well, I guess it hasn't worked before....it won't work now. The best way as i've learned to handle things is to deal with the problems head on. Avoiding the problem won't make it go away. But dealing with it will. Overcoming...not easy, and painful, but if you find the answers, then it's worth it. Man, I still don't want to deal with this right now. Okay...I can do this...just do it.

Anyway, the message was that I'm avoiding going to church or dealing with God. I guess that's the first thing that I need to do is deal with God again. As for my fantasy, I care, but I could care less. It's only $25 on dinner. It's a good way to spend time with friends, so it's actually a good thing that we are doing this. Bottom 5 buy top 5 dinner. Right now, I'm 7th place and am probably going to lose. But it's all in good fun.

Mail cautions

2007-02-23T18:29:00.000+09:00

I went to the post office today to send off one of my ebay items. I asked for a tracking code for the small packet airmail service, and had to wait about 20-30 minutes while they called around and checked to see if it was alright to do so. Meaning that they had to call the people in charge to see if it was okay. Anyway, I paid an extra 7 dollars because I had to get registered mail with the tracking code.

One thing that alarmed me was that they asked me what was inside of the package. DVD...CD...they asked me what I was sending. i told them a video game and then they started to say that the video games in Japan are not playable outside of Japan. Only the portable kinds. Anyway, the reason why I was alarmed was that I might be fined something if I send something outside of Japan that is currently being sold here and which says, "For Japan only." Anyway, I marked "gift" on it so that the customer wouldn't be taxed.

Anyway, with all that trouble that I went through, I can see why people don't offer insurance or tracking with airmail postage from Japan. It cost me roughly the same price as mailing the package. So I spent about $14 sending this package when I could have spend $7. I basically lost my profit in doing so. Oh well...one lesson learned. I can see why people don't want to send stuff internationally, because of the troubles that people go through just to send something. I basically broke even. but at least I got rid of an extra game that I had. Well...I guess this is one way to transfer money home.

I don't know how these ebay sellers can send all this stuff overseas if it's only supposed to be in Japan. I also don't know how these sellers make any money off of Ebay. But I guess my rookie experience has cost me all of my profit. $7. heh. That was one hour of my life a year ago.

In Japan, it seems like money goes by really quick. Much quicker than the US. In the US I was saving a lot more. I hardly went to the store, and since I was living with my parents, I didn't have to pay rent. Right now, just to get around to other cities cost a least $1 each way. That's to the next city. It cost about $3 to a reasonable distance one way. To get to Tokyo from my place, it cost at least $23 one way. If I want to take the fast train, then it costs me $40 one way to get to Tokyo. I guess it depends on how much work I have to do, but definitely I'd rather have that extra time than being on a train for 1+ extra hours. I don't know...public transportation...I don't know...maybe I should take the slower train and save myself $20.

Anyway, it's almost the end of the month. I will get paid soon. Hopefully they'll mail me a letter with my paycheck notice.

I told one class that today was my last class. I meant that it was my last class with them. I don't know if they interpretted that as my last class ever. I should probably clarify that with the teacher to see what he thought that I said. Anyway, it seemed like the kids had fun today. I'm glad that I only have 3 lessons for each grade for this school. So I'm basically finished with this school, except for the club that I have do next week.

For my Monday and Tuesday school, I have one more lesson to make and I'm not sure what the heck I'm going to do. That's why I'm staying home this weekend. I don't think that I'll finish it up in time to visit my friend in Tokyo. But the week after, things should be okay as I won't have to plan anymore...unless i'm accepted for another year. Then I'll have to do a lot of planning...hopefully I can reuse my old lessons that I did this past year. I think that I'll do a lot more review if I get accepted another year. This past year, I was just trying to drill them and get to the game and we would always run out of time. I've improved on my drilling, but I need to find new ways to drill as the loud, soft, crazy, question mark, and angry voices are getting old with the kids. Repeating the word several times works too, but I think that they're starting to get bored in my opinion with the drills. Drills are important, but they are the most boring part of the lesson. I guess if they don't know the words, then they won't have fun in the game. But still, the kids get really bored during this time.

Anyway, I shouldn't be writing long posts when i'm supposed to be working on my lessons. Anyway, I don't think that I'll do too much ebay in my future. Only buying. I bought some games and I don't want to sell them. They are used games. I want to at least try them out. But we'll see. I might not have time to play them.

Ji YUUUUUU!!! GYU NYU!

2007-02-22T19:18:00.000+09:00

One of the lunch time conversations last week that I remember was at the school that I have the most trouble at. It wasn't bad, but talking to the kids, they were worried about Jr. High school. The kids are 6th graders and the happy time in their lives when they can be just kids is ending in the end of March. I didn't talk to them much, but they seemed like good kids. They reminded me of me at that age.

Anyway, one of the things that they were doing in their spare time before lunch started was tossing a milk pack up in the air and catching it while thrusting forward their palm. So basically, they tossed it in the air and while it was coming down, they pushed their hand forward and it looked like they made a lunge with their hand.

Throwing it up into the air their they would say "ji" and then when they would make contact they would say, "YUU GYU NYU." I got the hint as to what they were saying. JiYUU GYU NYU. I decided to play with them and ask them what it meant. That became a little akward for them. But if you don't know what what Gyu nyu is, it means, milk. Ji yuu means free or by one's own will. That kind of free. So if you think about it, what would a guy mean when he says that. I don't know...maybe I'm interpreting it wrong.

The 6th graders are very much kids still. I guess it becomes tougher to be a kid as you go along. Somewhere along the line, you need to grow up and take responsibility for yourself. I guess it happens gradually as you keep moving foward in life.

Anyway, today, I taught the 4th graders. Competitive games are very much a problem sometimes. Especially when you have kids answering individually and not in groups. Next time I do a game like this, I'm going to make sure that if it is possible, to have them answer or consult their team members so that they're not alone. 3 kids cried today. One was in my English club, and I feel bad because she is such a nice girl. Oh well...It was my last class with the 4th graders. Things are slowly coming to an end. I hope that the people that cried would not feel bad about English because of the games that I do. I don't have very much skill in terms of adjusting right now. I lack experience, but I've learned quite a bit in terms of how to run a class. I just need to make sure that I used less vocab, about 7-8 words, instead of 10. I guess 4th grade is not that much higher than 1st to 3rd. I find that even in 5th grade, some of the kids get upset. Man, why the heck aren't there any communal team games out there for English? It seems like most of the games are competitive and that causes kids to feel bad when they lose.

My job is to make sure that the kids have good memories of English in Elementary school. It's pretty brand new in Japan. Elementary English started in 2001, or so i was told. Anyway, it's good that they have an English program in Elementary school, but man, I or someone else needs to come up with new games for elementary school as these kids get upset at most of these games.

Oh well...maybe I just need to tweak the existing games a little bit.

Anyway, I still have not heard back from my company yet. Either one school is not sending the information and they're waiting for it, or I don't know what the heck they're doing, but my thoughts are that they won't hire me for another year given the fact that I've been a slacker.

Don't get me wrong, I work hard, but in the off times when I'm supposed to be planning, I can't seem to plan at school for some reason. My mom tells me to plan at home and do the work at school. She's right. I guess I need to make sure that I plan my lessons early enough so that I can work on them at school. That way it won't look like I'm doing nothing. heh. which is actually true, but still, I don't know what it is, but I need a private room to work in. Or at least a cubicle. There's too many distractions at school. Or, maybe it's just that I have nothing to do because I haven't got anything planned. Also, no materials, no printed sheets (all of which I could get at school, but still, I hate being rushed on the computer and feeling like I'm taking up some of the teachers' time on the computer, which is needed for them because I don't know how many of them have computers at home.)

Anyway, I'm most likely going to be spending my weekend planning. If I get my work done by saturday, then it means a video game for me. heh.

Thinking...

2007-02-20T19:56:00.000+09:00

This post is about nothing. I'm just thinking.

I was thinking today that it's probably in my best interest to go home to the United States. My company is waiting until the 30 day period before they tell me that I'm not hired for next year. If I was kept on, they would have told me by January. But it looks like I'm coming home.

Anyway, today, I just thought, you know, I'm a slacker and I probably need a job that doesn't require me to do work outside of work. I'm not teacher material...or at least not in Japan. So whatever, if my company decides to hire me on again, (which is doubtful), I'll most likely have to think hard about it.

The money is better than what I received before in my old job, but definitely I think that if the company is going to use the same lessons for next year, then I really don't want to teach the same stuff over again. I don't know...it's like, the teachers have problems when the kids know that material already. Well, some of them do. And I don't know what they already know...I only know what I taught them. I'm thinking that however, the kids already knew, do you like and stuff like that. I guess I could stay on another year and teach the same stuff over again. Definitely it would be easier to start from the beginning of the year and have a set curriculum that I could do instead of having to start in the middle of the year. That was harsh as I didn't have very much info as to what the previous teacher already taught.

I kind of think that the schools do not think very much of me. That's just my impression. they're nice to me, but I get the feeling that I don't live up to people's image of what a teacher should be like. Definitely i need a job that is different.

Anyway, I'm going to make preparations to come home. I've got to send my stuff home and pack it up. All the video games that I bought are going to have to come home. When I hear for sure that i'm not offered another year, then I'll send my dress clothes home in a box of some kind, now that I found out where they sell boxes in the home center.

Definitely one thing that I learned here in Japan is that people won't tell you if they have something against you. But usually, they work around it. People don't always show what they truly feel about you...even if they do like you. I guess that's not only true for Japan, but in America as well. How often do we not want to tell someone that we don't like them or like being around them? That's not everybody I know, but definitely we don't want to hurt their feelings.

I guess seeing how I cannot live up to the Japanese expectation of simple things, I don't belong here in Japan. Maybe if I had things together a little bit more before I came, then I would do better. But at least now I know that I need to improve myself some more when I come home. It kind of reminds me of home in some sense as people don't tell me things if I annoy them or not. Maybe I don't, but I do see that I...am not someone that people would want to hang around for very long. I am just there and I don't make very much conversation. I guess maybe I'm better over email. heh. Even though those tend to get long and maybe drive people nuts as well. heh.

Just like this blog.

Anyway, probably you all can expect me home sometime in April. My company will notify me at least 30 days until they want to terminate me. I won't be able to stay in my apartment after that, as you need to have a company to guarantee that they'll pay for it if you can't. I think that's because I'm a foreigner and I could leave the country at any time. heh. Plus I have no relatives here in Japan either.

Oh well. It was nice while it lasted. Even though I struggled through a lot of the times, I felt like I did grow a little bit in terms of how I see myself. I also grew a little bit in not caring what other people think about me as much as I used to. I always try not to care too much about what other people think of me. That could explain why I'm not thought of so highly here. Or at least I think i'm not.

Anyway, the kids will have someone else next year. Even if I sign on for another year, the company might transfer me somewhere else because of my failure here in some aspects of my teaching. But most likely, I'll be coming home.

I think the reason why they didn't tell me that I'm hired on for another year or not, is that 1, my old manager couldn't tell me as there needs to be an official letter. Well, the 30 day mark is coming up next week for the end of my contract. I have developed some kind of greeting relationships with these kids, but other than that, I don't think that I really helped them all that much. And also, seeing the kids once a month and always playing a game, it was kind of weird. i mean, I wasn't a real teacher, I was an ALT (assistant language teacher.) I'm not responsible for these kids, yet I am responsible that they learn something. And I do think that they did learn something. But it was tough. There were so many different students in the classes and so many different personalities. So many things to remember. And above all, trying to keep a high level of energy all the time is just not me.

I've relaxed a lot more since I came back, but still, I do notice that when I bump up my energy, the kids also bump up their energy. Not sure why. But man, maybe that's just human nature. Anyway, I remember when I first came here and I used a fake high level of energy, one of the kids said, "sensei ga kowaii." (sensei is scary.) I don't know...

Anyway, from what it looks like, I've learned a little bit of how to run a class. I can't discipline them as I don't know Japanese and I'm not allowed to, but I can in some sense run a class in my limited amount of Japanese. The younger kids seem to like me for some reason. The older kids in some schools seem to think I'm stupid. The teachers...I can't really read all of them, but there's a mix between the two of who likes to work with me and who has to work with me. Well, what do you expect? That's true wherever you'll go. There won't be people that will like you all the time. But as God commanded us to do, love your neighbor as yourself. Not love your neighbor as they love you.

Anyway, i've babbled on for quite a bit in this post. But yeah, maybe I just don't have the right attitude. Maybe my personality is not set for this type of work. Maybe I should find something else and within the United States. I've never been a type of person who will live in the upper echelons of society. I am not motivated to do well anymore. I always want to do well, but I just don't seem to be able to organize myself to do so. I always start too late.

Anyway, I don't know what I want to do in my life. I don't have any plans anymore. I thought that it was in terms of Japan that I wanted to set my future in, but I don't think that it fits me. We're on opposite sides. I see that if I could have a job where I could set my own hours and have a deadline, then maybe I'd be happier with that. I'd even put in extra hours as I've done with this teaching job. Extra hours at home.

Hmm...maybe I should consider writing as a career? Heh, yeah, right. heh. Nobody would buy what I have to say. Most likely, I should find any job when I come home to pay the bills, just as long as I don't have to work the graveyard shift anymore. I should continue my studies in Japanese as it is fun in some sense of the word. And I also like reading Manga and playing Japanese video games. Also anime.

In Japan they have a word for an adult who likes these types of things. "Otaku." Or translated in English, "Nerd." I'm not sure what Otaku literally means, but I kind of wonder if that means "house." Kind of like you stay in your house all the time because you're watching anime, or playing video games. Does that make sense? i don't know if that's correct or not, but that's my impression.

Akihabara, one place that my friend hates. I like the place, I just don't like the crowds there. It's freaking like Disneyland over there. There's so many people walking around and the crowds are just ridiculous. Anyway...I'm a nerd. heh.

Okay, I've written quite a bit about nothing. I want to say that I'll be here in Japan for next year. But I fear what will come if I do stay. I fear what the teachers will think if I do stay for another year. I fear a lot of things...like, will the 5th graders be as bad as the 6th graders next year? I don't know. All I know is that whatever God has in store for me, I'm sure that it will be for good. Whether it turns out to be hard, or enjoyable. I know that this life is not the end and that there is another life after this one. I am okay with whatever happens. Whether I come home or stay. Even though I've struggled here in Japan, I think that I've done pretty well in terms of my situations. They may have not been perfect, but I do think that I've become a better person because of my experiences. It's not true that all experiences will make you a better person, but I do think that I've come to see that everyone, is imperfect. No matter who you are, we all can improve.

I've also seen that the kids here in Japan all have different personalities and also the teachers too. Kids are easier to read, because they don't have the barriers put up yet. The teachers, they have barriers put up, but at least they haven't made my life a living hell these past 2 months. Even though I was discouraged a month ago, I do feel that I am a better person than I was before. Maybe I'm not a better person, but I have more experience and that's what life is about in some sense. Experiencing things and learning.

Anyway, definitely it has been a good journey. It may end soon. I'm talking myself to believe that the end of my journey in Japan will come soon. That way, I can lessen the blow when i do hear back. Well, either this week or next week, I'll probably hear back. If God wants me to stay another year, and I do want to stay another year...then I'll have to pray about it and see if it's right for me. But if I do come home, then I'll be at peace. Most likely, I'll come home. The clients are not happy. The students could learn more. But definitely I think that I'll be better off in a different profession.

What is my reason for staying? Trying to make an impact here, whether big or small. To the kids, I may have given a small impact that English is fun. But more importantly, I hope that they'll all come to know God someday. In this country, so many people have never heard about Jesus. They learn about him in school, but they don't know Him or see Him as God. They're not ready to hear about God right now from me, as I have not been a very great example of what a great Christian is. I'm a broken soul and a lazy one. Well, lazy in terms of Japanese standards...ie yawning, leaning, and stretching. To the teachers, hopefully the person after me will be Christian and a better example. Right now, I'm not who I could be. But maybe it's not too late to try to be a better example. Yeah...I have one month left. 4 weekends left before I have to move out. I kind of wonder what my purpose here in Japan was. I don't know. But if I did anything right, then praise God! Regardless of whether I did anything right or wrong, I do believe that He's shown me that Japan needs God...these kids need God.

This society is so bent on performance. Doing well, looking right, doing the right thing. Mainly, a lot of this society comes down to money. Well, don't a lot of places? Living in the now. living in the present. Working for the future. When you reach the end of your life, what good will all those accomplishments mean? To people down the road, it might mean something. But probably for most of us, most of our work is meaningless. Don't take me the wrong way on that. Definitely doing a job and earning money and doing something worthwhile with your life is not meaningless. But the key to immortality as one of my friends posted on his blog was "living a life worth living." I fail to see how video games or translating will mean anything for me. They're just jobs. But you'll never know. Maybe the people that I meet in those jobs will be who I make my impact on.

Definitely life comes down to two things. God and people. God matters the most, but people also matter to God. People remember and pass on memories. People, while they may not be great people, are still loved by God. God created each one of us to be great and He sees us as the great people He wants us to be. He sees our sin, but still, He desires for us to repent of that and live a life for Him. Jobs are not meaningless as they have other people that you work with. The impact should come to those people that you work with. I guess I have not done very much with the teachers. Don't get me wrong...I'm shy in some sense, I don't reach out that much...especially in Japanese. But I do think that I may have shown people my character in addition to the laziness. I don't think that they dislike me, I just think that they think that I'm lazy. Well...maybe a different job would be better. But still, I'd like to stay, but I think that I'm not going to get another chance. In Japan, I kind of think that sometimes there's no safety net. If you fail, then you go down a level in terms of jobs and status. But I'm not going to be here forever. Thank you God for letting me be born in America.

Well...I've babbled enough for one night.

Good memories

2007-02-19T19:47:00.000+09:00

I don't usually write down my good memories when it comes to my blog. But I see that people do get an image that everything over here is bad or hard for me. Not all things are bad or hard. I mean, sometimes there's some good things that do happen that I don't post.

So I'll start with this post.

Today, several things happened within my day. I taught 4 classes. 2 of which were the 5th graders, one was the 6th graders, and one was the 3rd graders. All the classes went fairly well considering that some of the kids were goofing off during English. But mostly I think that all the kids had fun. Well, probably most of them did.

Anyway, as I was eating lunch today and cleaning up, some of the sixth grade boys were cleaning with me. One of the things they like to say is, "penis." They say it like this, "paynis." They once pronounced tennis as that word while we were drilling. So today I said something like this to them.

"THE PEN IS MIGHTER!!! THE PEN IS MIGHTIER!!!" They didn't understand. they said, "no penis." Then I said, "pen. The pen is mightier!!!." The guys seemed a little annoyed that they thought that I didn't understand what they were saying. Then one of the girls cleaning up said, "THE PEN IS MIGHTIER!!!" Oh man, I'm such a bad influence. If they knew what I was saying then they would have opposite reactions. I can imagine what happens when they meet a foreign exchange student and they say that. It might actually be a positive reaction.

The kids I think are finally starting to get used to me. i mentioned before that they would make fun of me. I think one reason why I took it personally was that I forgot some things that are important to me and as long as they are important to me then it shouldn't matter what other people say. Whether good or bad, I can find my hope and joy in something else. They still do get annoyed at me from time to time, which may or may not be true, but I do feel that at least they're participating in class. They say hi to me when I say hi to them, but I think that that's all of a relationship I have with these students. I can't influence them anymore than just being a good person. I don't think that it's possible to witness in school, but definitely prayer can be done and if you have time to do so then I think that it will make a difference in these kid's lives. But I haven't been doing that. I've been slacking on prayer lately. I guess maybe I should stop blogging so much.

So the kids are great, but I think that it was more of my personal problems before. Also, not taking a shower everyday, because I was doing way too much too late and falling asleep in my work clothes was a bad idea, because the kids notice these things. heh. Yeah...I'm sure a lot of people noticed.

Anyway, today at the post office, I tried to deposit some of the previous generation bills of yen in the cash machine. What happened was that it kept on trying to process it and process it and finally it broke. It said, "Please wait right there, a clerk will come to assist you shortly." The screen was green. I said, uh oh, they're going to be angry at me. I waited for about 5 minutes, and then I finally noticed 4 times on the glass (that means emergency.) The more times you knock, the more urgent it is. Anyway, I must say that it's probably my fault that the machine broke. It may not have been the old bills, but moreso the fact that my wallet is a trifold and the bills were a little crumpled and bent inward. Anyway, the guy was nice enough. He wasn't angry and asked me how many of these bills I put in. I put in about 2 1000 yen bills of the previous generation. He found both of them. One was in the front of the machine, torn up, and another was in the spinners of the machinie and also torn. Once he it working again, he gave me two new 1000 yen bills of this generation. I thanked him and apologized to him. then I asked him if these old bills will be accepted at a supermarket. He said they should be. So I guess I didn't have to break the machine...I could have just spent the money. Yay! more money in my pocket and not just dead weight.

One of the things that I remember most is the first and 2nd graders. They are different in each school, but definitely they are a good grade to teach. Some of the kids however are reallly shy at that age. I think that some of them are still afraid of being separated from their parents. But definitely some of them are really smart and energetic. In my boring classes, they seem to have fun. heh. Well, maybe they're not so boring. But definitely they're easier to teach.

The 6th graders do not hate me as I once thought. I notice that they say hi to me and still greet me even though they may not like my lessons. I don't blame them...I mean, they need harder stuff than this elementary school English. But sometimes, the harder lessons require the students to be able to read English, and that's not taught in elementary school. My suggestion if anybody is listening, is to teach the 6th graders the English alphabet during that time. That way, they aren't so stressed out when they're cramming for a whole bunch of other stuff in Jr. High school, when they first learn the alphabet. I believe that the 6th graders are the hardest to teach because we're giving them stuff that they've seen already and know. If we give them stuff that will be the foundation of their learning and not just be another grammar point, then I think that it will be a positive reaction to learning English from an ALT at that age.

5th grade, they still respond to the elementary school English. but it could be different at your schools.

Anyway, I still think that these kids aren't really learning from me too many things about English. The kids in 6th grade don't participate sometimes, or they don't want to speak. I don't blame them, but definitely if we want to get to better things, then something else has to be done for 6th grade. Definitely the kids aren't enjoying English in 6th grade. Well, not in my classes. But I'm told that I'm not the only one who struggles with 6th graders.

If they only knew how to read and spell, they would have been laughing like crazy. heh

Anyway, one of my best memories in school was when I'd be walking down the hall and greeting the students as I walked by. Most of the students would be excited to see me. I don't know why as sometimes I don't teach all that great of lessons. But I think that at that age, they just want to be acknowledged. Sometimes when I'd play at recess with them, they'd have more a reaction to greeting me. I can see why the head teacher wanted me to play with the kids at recess. They pay more attention in your classes because they have gotten to be around you for a little bit and you're not some stranger. Definitely the kids are the best part about school. The kids are kids, and while they may get upset from time to time, it is rewarding to see that they learn something now and then.

Anyway, I've got to go. I've written way too much for one post. heh.

Same old same old

2007-02-17T23:02:00.000+09:00

As of lately, I've had nothing really good to say. After 7 months, I've found that I haven't done anything really new. Teaching is the same. Some lessons go well, some lessons go bad. But I've been feeling alright about them and forgetting them after the day ends. There's just so much info that I'm not retaining anymore.

One of the teachers showed me a Jr. High school textbook that he's going to go over with his 5th grade son. I looked at that and saw a big jump from Elementary school to Jr. High school. I was thinking...you're going to give them that from simple stuff learned in Elementary school? There's something really wrong with this.

Anyway, in elementary school, we teach them really basic things like, "Do you like?" or "Do you have?" or, days of the week, months...really really basic stuff. The kids can barely understand what I say when I talk naturally. This textbook that I saw was all in natural English and had conversation dialogues. They had a CD that came with the book, so you could listen to it, but yeah, it reminded me of my 3rd year in Japanese in college.

The textbook that I saw was a 3rd trimester textbook for the first year of Jr. High school. If the students don't learn the alphabet in a short amount of time in the first trimester, then they're going to be in big trouble as the dialogues were entirely in English and had a Japanese translation at the bottom. I can see why they bring ALTs from other countries, as nobody really learns a language from reading it only and learning grammar. I know from experience, as I learned Japanese in school, but I can barely speak it or understand it. Don't get me wrong, I can understand it to some extent, but there's a lot of vocabulary that I don't know. Being here in Japan is a different experience than learning it from afar. There are some things that you don't pick up from textbooks, as language is pretty diverse in how you can speak it. Anyway, I think what I need to do is study particles, as that is one of my weakest points in understand Japanese. I have the particle dictionary that I bought off of Amazon.co.jp but I need to study it more.

Anyway, enough babbling for one day.

Weekend missed

2007-02-17T13:38:00.000+09:00

I woke up late today. I went to sleep way too late last night. So I couldn't get there early enough. Plus I was feeling like I didn't want to spend 7 hours at the gathering place. I don't know...maybe I should have went. Maybe I should have forced myself to get up and fight the sleepiness. But I know that even when I am determined to wake up, I don't. Maybe it's a sign that I'm getting old.

Anyway, I don't know when i'll see my friend next. I keep on thinking that I should save money. So if I do go, then I should take the slower train and try to wake up around 6 and catch the 7am train. I've got to remember to bring a mask so that the people that I'm sitting next to don't get me sick.

People work here on Saturdays...you see people in business suits on the trains in the morning. I wonder if some of them work on Sundays too.

Anyway, I think that's one reason why people die from overwork...they're worked too hard and they don't get a day to relax. But that's probably only the businessmen. I really don't know as I'm not in that world.

Anyway, I can now buy my PS2. But I'm wondering if I should wait until the month is over before I do that. I guess it really doesn't matter, just as long as I don't buy too much more this month.

i'm going to try to make it to church tomorrow. It seems like I always say this, but it never happens. Maybe I need to do something different on the weekends, like go to sleep early for a change. I've always stayed up late on the weekends and woke up late. I wonder what would happen if I went to sleep early and woke up early. Hmm...maybe my whole week would be better. We'll see.

Anyway...last night, i was playing Valhalla knights. I kept on dying and losing half my gold each time. I didn't have much gold, because every time I'd get some item, I'd have to sell it and go to a church to restore one of my characters back to life. That cost around 80 gold each time. I finally gave up on the game that I was playing and decided to start over. So I started over and this time as I chose an ally, I decided to get a priest instead of a mage. Man that's way better than a wizard, as my wizard would use his magic enough. I still haven't figured how to program my characters to do stuff during battle. They're on auto right now. Anyway, if you play Valhalla knights, your most important character will most likely be a priest. Health items are relatively cheap, but weak. Mana regenerates in the dungeons, so it's important to have an ally that can heal you.

Overall, I'd say that the game is pretty fun so far. You take missions from the guild when you first start off. The intro was your party fighting a dragon. Pretty crazy as it could take about 100 hp off of you and you had at least 200 something hp. But the beginning was rigged, so that you would win. No hp was taken off of your characters. Anyway, you start as this seasoned fighter, but then something happens and you become a younger version (either male or female depending on what you choose.) So you start at level one and have someone act as your guide throughout the game. However, your guide doesn't fight in the battles, he's just like a jimminy cricket. Anyway, I'm still on the first dungeon. I don't understand all that is being said, but the battles are fun for now. Anyway, I've only scratched the surface of the game so far.

Anyway, must use this weekend to finish up some stuff.

Bridge to Terebithia

2007-02-16T18:25:00.000+09:00

Apparently a movie is coming out for that book. I read that book a long time ago in 5th grade. I didn't understand everything in that book until I talked with my mom. Definitely the author made it for kids as it is a kids book. It made sense and I could relate to the main character at my age at that time.

For some reason, being at these elementary schools has reminded me a lot of my childhood. Definitely I can relate to these kids as some of them seem like younger versions of me in some ways. Not in all the ways that I grew up, but yeah, a lot of kids are perfectionists here. They get upset when they don't do well, and if they don't understand you, then they try to ignore you so that you'll move on to the next person. heh.

It's pretty crazy, but I remember always wanting to win at whatever I did. I remember crying when I lost by a lot to my brother on double dribble (a Nintendo game for the original nintendo). I never played with him again after that. Mainly because he would cream me every time. I think maybe I had a lot of scars in the past. I took things way personally and I didn't shrug them off. I hope that these kids here can shrug things off and become better people by learning from their losses.

Anyway, I think that I turned out alright. I'm okay with myself, but I see that I can change into a better person if I did what I know I should be doing. I guess that's one thing that hasn't changed since Jr. High school. heh.

Yeah, that was a long time ago and I know that I should be more responsible, and I could be a way better person than I am now, but really I haven't been investing in the time that it takes to achieve that. I guess making it to church and spending time with God would be one step. Hmm...oh well.

The Bridge to Terebithia is a good book. I don't remember all the details and the style of writing. Anyway, I think the book should be about $5-6. It was $4 before.

Anyway, from the trailer on MSN, it looks like an interesting movie. Yeah, if you want to check out the "magic behind terebithia," then you can find it on MSN, found here.

Man, these little kid actors are pretty good. They're kids still, but they seem more alive than I was at that age. Man, it's kind of different here in Japan too. The kids they converse with each other and can make jokes even at 2nd grade. That's not all the kids, but I'm amazed at how social these kids are in Japan and how social other little kids are.

I kind of grew up always being silent. I guess that's why I do a lot of thinking in my adult years. Maybe that's why I write a lot. I can't converse, I can only say what I mean to when I think about things. However, that's not totally true all the time.

Anyway, this post is getting long. I think that I'll probably stop thinking about things in the past so much and focus on now and getting things done, because I don't have that much time.

Visiting my friend this weekend

2007-02-15T19:27:00.000+09:00

I'm visiting my friend in Tokyo this weekend. Basically, we're not going to do very much shopping, which is good, because I have spent too much money already. Mainly what we're going to do is go to a career college fellowship on Saturday that he's going to take part in worship with his geetaa (guitar).

Anyway, I'm thinking that I might as visit him while I can because I probably won't see him that much in the future. He's planning to stay for awhile in Japan. I on the other hand and sure that my company is not going to give me another year. I guess I could find another job somewhere here if I wanted to. I have until August if I want to find a different company here. But I'm not sure if I want to do that again. Anyway, I do think that I've become more used to teaching now than I have in the past 5 months. I learned to adjust a little bit when the kids get bored. I change up my boring style to a more outgoing style when they do that. They don't always respond and sometimes when I yell at the top of my lungs, they cover their ears. heh. But today, one class responded well to that. The other didn't. I guess I need to be a little more mellow with the other classes and be a clown. heh.

Todays classes went well enough. I actually taught a good lesson in my head teacher's class. The only thing wrong was that one group was further behind in the game than the other groups. It couldn't be helped, but also another thing was that one kid got upset because I let this other kid get away with not tossing the die so that it rotates enough to be random. So he got upset and grumpy at the end of class. Another bad thing was that I didn't realize that in this other class, there was a small girl in the back row. I think that she couldn't read the reading, because it was too far down on the board. So the other kids blocked her view of the reading and she didn't know it. She almost cried, because she was one of the few people who wasn't able to get it right. Mental note I made, write the readings on the top, and write the grammar in the middle of the board, because the vocabulary is more important than the grammar. The grammr will be repeated so many times that everyone will know it. But the vocab is actually a little tougher, because kids in Japan don't hear these words that often.

One other note was that I didn't have an easy to recognize picture. I put the bank of Japan as the bank picture for that vocab. The kids had never seen that before and they thought that it was a hotel or a mansion in America. I'm too abstract sometimes. Well, I guess I'm learning that I need to make things way easy and recognizable for kids.

On the way home today, I was being pushed left and right because the wind right now is so strong. I can hear it blowing against the building right now. I think that I'm going to postpone paying my bills until tomorrow. I don't want to be knocked off my bike. anyway, last night it was raining hard, now it's really windy. It's also strange, because February is supposed to be the coldest month in Japan and it's starting to warm up. It feels almost like spring. Well, it's still around 50 degrees, but still, that's way warmer than it was before. Hey, when you have no heat, then that's a big difference from 40 degrees Farenheit.

I'm almost finished with my lessons for this year. I love excel, it makes life so much easier. Anyway, I have about two more lessons to go in terms of planning. I could just use some of the other lessons that I have done already for other grades, but we'll see. Anyway, I'm thinking that I should make a new lesson for the 1st graders at my Friday school. They are the shyest students I have. The first graders at all the other schools are for some reason, able to retain info better. Not sure why, but maybe the kids on Friday just don't see me often enough. I only see them like once every month and a half. It could be the teachers, but I don't think so. Maybe it's just that these kids are shyer because this is their first year of school. That's not all the kids, but it's quite a few of them. Anyway, the easier games work better for these kids. Games where you don't have to get them to say something in front of you. Games where they can just do something in a group or silently. Ugh...man, last time I just did time and had them choose a number and if they got all the numbers, then they won. heh. All they had to do was just listen for the number. Maybe that's what I should do for them this time.

Competitive games seem to always make one or two kids upset. That's why I don't like doing Karuta that often. That's why I'm thinking of doing a different lesson for this grade at this school. But yeah, the kids are great. The younger kids are the easiest to get along with.

It's kind of funny. I was afraid of kids before I helped out at a children's camp. I wasn't sure if they'd be scared of me. Usually I think that adults or older people are scared of me for some reason. Maybe it's because i'm always tired and look angry most of the time. hehe. But who knows...nobody has told me anything and maybe people aren't afraid of me. The kids however seem to be more accepting for some reason. I think that because I am their teacher, even though i'm not a real teacher, they just like the fact that I'm part of their lives. When I walk outside for recess, the kids want me to play with them. It's not so with the 5th or 6th graders, but the younger kids 4th grade and below like it when I play with them. I'm always amazed that just doing something so simple can really change their attitudes. I guess that's why the head teacher encouraged me to go out and play with the kids.

I also clean with the kids too. Yes, in Japan, the kids clean up the classrooms, halllways, and bathrooms....I think. They have something called soji time, or cleaning time. Each kid is given a task to do. Not that they all do it well, but at least most of them do what they're supposed to do. For some reason, I have no idea why, but sometimes the 6th graders are playing during cleaning time. Maybe they have no job to do for that week. Or, maybe I'm doing their job and they figure that they don't have to do that if I'm doing that.

Anyway, I don't know if I want to stay another year. It seems like things are getting better here, but I wonder how bad things will be next year. Or will they be better? I don't know. I kind of wonder if the kids will get too used to me. Most of the kids like me I think. But I can imagine them also getting tired of me just saying hi to them and not talking to them. I can also imagine them not paying attention next year. Well, the fifth graders turning into 6th graders. why the heck is 6th grade so hard to teach?

Anyway, I think that the majority of kids like me. I think that i'm starting to get into the swing of things now that I'm finishing my lessons earlier. Good lesson....being prepared always makes things better. Not that it will go well all the time, but definitely you'll suffer less. heh.

Anyway, thank you all for praying for me. I think that I need to really get back into that more as God hears our prayers.

Is it worth it?

2007-02-14T22:43:00.000+09:00

I sold some stuff on Ebay and I didn't sell them for very much more than what I bought them at. Even though I made a profit, I'm thinking, I could be doing other things with my time like playing video games. Too bad I haven't played video games since I visited my friend about 3 weeks ago. It seems like all my time is devoted to the internet. Searching Fantasy sports, looking up deals online, and reading blogs. Man, I really don't need to buy any video games if I spend all my time doing that.

I guess I should work on my lesson plans while I have time right now.

Today was the English club. At first about a month ago, they told me that it was cancelled. Then about 2 weeks ago, they told me that it was moved to the week after this one. Then today, I'm told that the club is meeting today! I'm like, umm...could someone have told me? I don't know when they changed it, but maybe I left too early (when I'm supposed to leave) before they got out of their meetings. Oh well. I think that the club went okay. I had done this before in another club, so I had the things on my computer. But I was rushing all day today. Man, I'm so lucky that the kids are great kids in the English club.

Anyway, you've probably done this as an icebreaker in some place before. Put a name of a famous person on the back of someone and they have to ask yes or no questions to figure out who that person is. Anyway, I don't know who the heck these people are, only from the teachers who I got them from. So when I made the questions a long time ago, I couldn't make specific questions so that the kids could guess exactly who they are. But they managed somehow. I think they were using Japanese. Apparently they don't know very many English words. So when I told them that it's okay to use Japanese, they relied more on Japanese than using the English sheet written in Katakana. But the kids had fun, which is what clubs are for.

Anyway, I've been thinking that my company is not going to give me another year. I'm thinking that they're waiting until the last possible moment to tell me. Which is fine. I'm not expecting another year. I'd be really surprised if I do another year.

Today, I noticed that really people are getting tired of just saying hi and bye to me. They really don't know me any better than when I first got there. I think that me giving up trying to communicate with them has led to that. Maybe I should take some time and try to talk to them tomorrow. They're all so busy...so I feel like I'd be taking up their time with me trying to communicate with them in my broken Japanese. But I guess they do listen to other people's conversations, so maybe I should try to talk to the teachers that look like they're not doing anything. heh.

So ebay, staying in Japan, and staying in this town, is it worth it? I've seen that the kids are the best part and sometimes the hardest part about teaching. Sometimes the teachers are hard to get along with because of the communication gap. We get along fine, it's just that they can't communicate to me too well and I can't communicate to them too well and it just causes a lot of stress. heh. So it's probably not that they're hard to get along with, it's just that it's stressful to communicate in a different language.

Anyway, I really don't know. I'm wondering if coming home would be better. My support network is all at home. Anyway, I haven't made up my mind, but I'm thinking that maybe I had enough of Japanese culture for awhile. Maybe I'm too American. heh.

Anyway, I am American. I'm 4th generation there. I don't have very much Japanese culture in me. One of my friends told me that I'm too polite that I'm being rude. Hmm...maybe I should work on that. I don't know. Anyway, maybe that's one reason why the people are kind of not responding, because it's too sugar coated that it's too sweet. Oh well...

Anyway, I guess I should try to find a life outside of school. Really work sucks sometimes and I need some other people to turn to who aren't trying to do a job with me. It's tough when you're working with some people and you disappoint them or get on their nerves because of maybe how you do things in a job. But who knows...maybe I should try to make it to church...which seems like it will never happen. It starts at 10:30am and I still can't make it on a sunday.

New idea

2007-02-12T16:23:00.000+09:00

I just talked with my parents...apparently I didn't realize that the curves of the hips for march was kind of sexist. Sorry ladies. I'll change it. Anyway, my mom had an idea for long hair instead. So I'll change it to that instead.

Anyway, yesterday, I didn't do very much. I missed church again. Blah. But I guess maybe it's not something that's important to me anymore. I don't know. anyway, I think I need to really just get my priorities straight. Maybe reflection would help.

Today is a holiday. So I slept in today when I was planning to wake up at 9am.

Anyway, I've been thinking about some things lately. I've been thinking about these past 5 months. It's been good and bad, but I do think that I've learned some things about myself. No matter where I am, I will always be different. It's just who I am. I can't help it, but that's just me. I think to some extent it's true for everyone. Nobody is the same as anybody else. Everyone is a little weird to some extent. ie "not normal." Maybe that's how God intended us to be. Different from each other. Otherwise this world would be pretty boring.

One of my other thoughts was that one of my friends told me some things about myself that were right on. One of the things which I'll tell you is that I give up too easily sometimes. I need to work on that. I think that it will be important not to give up on some things so easily. I'm not talking about relationships or anything related to God, but for me, I want to get back to where I used to be before in my life. In my determination and order. But we'll see. I have quite a ways to go.

One of my friends told me that for game design, 70-80 work weeks are normal. heh. Hmm...I'm not sure if that will fit me. But who knows...I put in hours after work in school work. I'm working like 13 hours a day sometimes. Granted some of those hours, I'm not doing anything, because I can't access the internet. But that's just an excuse. Anyway, I think preparation is going to be one of my goals for this year. Preparation...going into something unprepared is a good way to fail.

Well thank you friends for your support. Thank you family for your support also. I see that I need to move forward in some areas of my life. But we'll see. I've said before and it didn't happen. But that doesn't mean that they won't. It just depends on me and when I'm able to get them done. That is if I don't give up.

Well, anyway, people, reflection is a good thing. I think that forgetting things in the past can be important, but more importantly is learning from them and moving forward. Growing is one reason why we're born. Growing into something better. It doesn't always happen. But growth is what each person needs at all times in their lives. Oh well..;.get back to work. heh

month lesson

2007-02-10T19:58:00.000+09:00

So my company has this idea for chanting months. I thought that the ideas they came up with were pretty lame, so I came up with my own. See the list below

Month chanting

January – throw a snowball
February - Blow a kiss
March – make curves of the hips of woman
April - throw a backpack on your back
May – make a muscle
June – Open an umbrella
July – clap your hands together and rub them as if praying
August – scream or yell a chant. (sports festival.)
September – make like you’re harvesting rice by cutting it
October – Bwahahaha Halloween
November – shichi go san no idea
December – open a present

Apparently the pictures that I came up with had nothing to do with the seasons in Japan and would confuse the students. So luckily one of the teachers at my school that I have trouble with told me some ideas of what happens in those months. Anyway, she also let me use some picture cards that the school had for teaching English. So I just scanned those and made flashcards. Yeah!

I had no idea that all of those things happened in Japan. I'd heard them once before, but I didn't remember them. Basically, to explain March, it's girl's day on March 3rd. May, has children's day, originally boy's day on May 5th. July, I'm not sure, but I remember getting a wish scroll before I left on July 2nd from one of the other students at the high school that I was visiting in 1999. The picture for July has another one of those types of things. Basically, pieces of paper tied to bamboo over a river, which is basically the image on my school. It's a piece of scroll like paper with a piece of bamboo with some pieces of paper that I can write on with a nice painted river on the paper.

I'm expecting the kids to make different gestures, but as long as they remember that's what I care about. But most likely, they'll forget in a week.

Anyway, update on how i'm doing. My mom mentioned today that I seem like I'm doing alright compared to this blog. I must admit that I write some of my worst feelings on this blog. It doesn't necessarily reflect my whole day. It's mainly a way for me to get things out. I am sorry for writing all that, because I didn't realize that it's probably depressing everyone who's reading this. Anyway, I'm doing alright, but I was feeling pretty bad at school when I came back from the US.

Basically, how it went was that I really felt like I came home when I came back for Christmas. I felt welcome, I was in a community for a little while. Community is something that I don't have much over here. But I guess it's here, I just haven't looked for it or went to church. So in some sense, I made my own misery by not doing what I should be. I'm still not doing that as of lately, but if I make it to church tomorrow, i'm sure that my whole week will be better next week.

At the school, I basically don't reach out to the teachers that much. I guess I should change that, because they really aren't bad people, it's just that we have trouble understanding each other because of the language gap. Anyway, I made some mistakes, but I think that it has been a good learning experience. I can see why they don't tell me my mistakes now anymore, because 1. They can't communicate it in a way that softens the blow. 2. I get upset. 3. they figure that I might not be around next year by the way that I was acting. heh.

Anyway, I need to stop by the store tomorrow to buy some drawing paper for the lesson to glue the pictures onto. Unfortunately for me, it's up a big hill. But I was meaning to go to this store on a weekend to buy some brown package paper and also some cardboard wrapping. Yes they have that here. Never seen it in the US, but it's pretty interesting. I might send some of my small stuff home in that if I run out of boxes. I could always buy some boxes at that particular store, but I don't know if I want to send home stuff in boxes that big. I think the bigger the box, the more expensive it is. Well...Japan has this "small packet" discount if you're sending small packages out of the country. My package that I sent to my brother was only 580 yen for about 3 CDs sent SAL (which means that it's sent airmail, but only in the empty space left over in the airplanes. That's pretty good for sending something overseas. $5 USD. Anyway, SAL might not always be the best option as it could take as little from one week to a month to get there. But at least it's still airmail and not surface mail (ship).

I laughed and laughed and it was probably a mistake.

Yesterday, I heard the days of the week song being sung by a kid outside my apartment. I laughed, because the kid got the days mixed up. But I think that she might have heard me because if I can hear her, then most likely she could hear my loud laugh. So she stopped singing. But anyway, it's nice to know that at least some kids like English. Not sure if that kid will be shy about using English in the future, but hopefully she'll become really good as she uses it more. Man, I shouldn't have laughed. It really hurts people's feelings here if you laugh at them. Well, some people. But I'm sure she'll be alright.

Anyway, I think that I like to write long posts, because I'm lonely here. There's nobody to talk to really...well, it's not that, but it's more like I kind of overload people with my info that I type or talk to them about. In blogs, you can skim over what you don't want to read. So maybe I'm more of an email person or blogger than I am a person who talks directly to people. Which is kind of bad as I need to make things as short as possible when teaching. Meaning direct, and to the point. Unless I'm trying to get the students to think.

Hmm...bad habits are hard to kill

I have a habit of being messy. Unlike one of my other friends who mentioned in his email that I said that he was always cleaning, I am never cleaning. Hmm...maybe I should clean tomorrow. Anyway, it's amazing how many papers a person can collect. I think that I should have a trash bag in my living room, so that I can throw it away there and not just leave it on the floor. I just spelled "bag" "bad" Man, my English is starting to get bad. I can see why one of the other trainers reads a lot. Your English does get worse if you don't use it just like your Japanese. Hmm...maybe I should try to study more. Ah, I have other things to do.

Anyway, I probably should get going. It's kind of like I have a lot of things to say, but I don't say them. One, they don't come to the surface right away. 2. I can't think them quick enough, and in reflection then something good comes out. 3. It takes me more time to put things in the right order. But we'll see. Maybe I'll learn someday.

I love coffee

2007-02-10T12:31:00.000+09:00

I never really drank real coffee back in the states. I drank only frappucinos. However, I've learned to drink coffee here in Japan. It's not too bad. I don't like to drink hot coffee, but rather the cool canned or bottled coffee. I am a coffee fiend. However, I only get frappucinos at starbucks. Man, Starbucks is really expensive over here. 490 yen for a grande frap. That's like $4 USD. I guess it's only a few cents more, Oh well.

Anyway, I've got to get going on my projects. I think that I've gotten too engrossed with selling stuff on Ebay. I probably will only just get my money back, but at least I won't be stuck with two copies of the same game. heh. And hopefully my feedback will grow. I don't know...some crazy people out there.

My thoughts

2007-02-09T20:10:00.000+09:00

It's still early February but I think that my company is not going to give me another year. Well whatever. I'm thinking that my mood has changed in the past 3 weeks. I notice that people aren't as happy to see me anymore. Well, if someone was acting like a bummer for the past 3 weeks at work, then you probably wouldn't be happy to see him either. heh.

Anyway, I think that next week I'll cheer up. I figure, now that I've come to terms with me not being accepted another year, I can focus on my relationships with the people that I got to know here before I leave. The kids are great sometimes. Not all the kids, but definitely even the hard to love kids are not bad kids. They're just really immature. heh.

Anyway, I've got to get going. I have to start my lessons for next week. I have Monday off yay! We'll see though. I might not be able to get them done until Monday. I'll most likely be able to make it to church this Sunday. I really should email one of my friends. Anyway, we'll see if I do.

Hmm...I received an email from my company telling me that I need to pay the schools for my lunches. It's kind of funny, they didn't tell me directly, but told my former boss. heh. It's nothing serious, but yeah, $40 a month for 20 meals is pretty good. Especially since I have never eaten them before. I still don't like to eat the bones of the fish though. And I do skip the little fish desserts where you just eat many small dried up fishes sometimes with almonds.

If I do get another year, I'm not sure if I'll take it. I mean, the people are good people, but I just don't think that I'm Japan material. heh. Meaning, that I'm not cut out for looking good in the workplace. Especially when you have to share the computer and you can't get access to the internet on your laptop. I'm not sure what type of job suits me. But definitely the upper class is not where I belong. After working at my old job I think that it was mindless work that I could do well. But still, not very satisfying. Teaching is good, but definitely I'd need to get more training and ideas from someplace. I don't know. The only thing that I'd like to do is to be creative and use my mind somehow. At my teaching job, i'm just struggling to get something done. Usually it goes fairly well. But I feel that people are expecting more when I can't deliver more. I just don't have the skills right now.

Anyway, this is turning into another babble post. And I told G-sak that I'd get my lessons done for next week. Crazy trimester. Usually I don't see the kids in the same class that often, but I guess they want to make sure that they get as much as they can before they start the new school year.

Anyway, this past week I did okay. I just need to make sure that I get my stuff done for next week on Sunday. Not leaving it to Monday. I think today however, I'm going to catch up on some of my reading and do some project work at 10.

Sir, I think you've had enough

2007-02-08T22:17:00.000+09:00

Heh, I was thinking of this today. In a Simpson's episode, this jazz saxophonist...I forgot his name. But yeah, Lisa thought has was great.

Anyway, he did good for a good portion of his career, but then, he got into a nasty habit.

"Booze?" Lisa asked.

"no"

"Drugs?"

"no....I was buying too many decorated eggs."

The next scene is the guy at the fancy egg shop...the clerks tells him imploringly, "Sir I think you've had enough."

He replies and points at him, "I'll tell you when I had enough."

After his fortune was gone, the next scene was the of the jazz saxophonist in an alley and he throws his glass egg against the wall. heh. good stuff.

How I relate this to me, is that I think that I've bought enough video games for this month. Anyway, there are some good ones that just came out, but I can wait a little longer until next month. That, or I have to sell the two games that I was planning on selling on Ebay before I buy them if I want to buy them this month. Anyway, I think that I'd be better off buying games from the local game shop and selling them on Ebay instead of buying brand new games and selling them. Even though the game that I'm thinking of is only $25 brand new regular price $60, I see other people with higher feedback than me.

Oh well. Whatever. I need to get going. It's 10:30 right now.

things are a little better

2007-02-08T19:29:00.000+09:00

Today, I had the 2nd graders. I was afraid that some of the kids would cry because they didn't get as many cards as the rest of them. But I think that maybe one year is a big jump for a little kid from 1st grade to 2nd grade. Anyway, one girl had trouble in my last class. She was just a second too slow and didn't get any cards. It looked like she was going to cry. So luckily we were running out of time and we didn't have time to play a 2nd game, otherwise, I think that she would be really upset.

Anyway, I was thinking today as I was heading out the door. "I don't want to go to work today." I guess everyone thinks that now and then. But it's so different. Teaching is different than anything else I have ever done. You'll never know how the day will go. I was expecting a bad day. But it went better.

For one thing, my monday tuesday school has something going on in terms of info about me. I don't know if they're rumors or not, but it just seems like people look at me differently than they did last week. I guess that's not everyone, and maybe it's just my imagination. Anyway, I can attribute some of those suspicions to other things though.

Anyway, today I was more upbeat and alive. I guess my friend from Hawaii is right. You feel the effects of a good night's sleep two days after. Meaning the day after the day you just woke up.

I also think that people were praying for me for today. Anyway, thank you all if you did. Thank God that He answered it.

Anyway, I have to lesson plan this weekend. I should try to finish everything by at least Sunday. I also get Monday off as it's a holiday in Yamanashi I think. Not sure if it's national. But definitely it is a day very much needed. Anyway, I need to get my stuff done before Monday at least. I want to take some pictures and post them on that day. Also I want to sell some of my extra video games that I bought here. Not my single copy ones, but my duplicate copies. When I see a good deal on a game that just came out and is a fairly decent game, and it's $25 when it's normally $60, then I tend to buy extra. Anyway, I don't know if it will sell. But maybe I should not buy these games anymore and just focus on saving up money. I won't get rich that way. heh. Man, when did I put money in such high regard?

Anyway, the game market here in Japan is kind of tricky. Definitely Amazon is one of the best places to find deals. I don't know why, but one minute they have a game at a low price, then they raise it back up to normal price. Not sure why. But maybe it's that they're using supply and demand factors. I don't think that the rating system helps Amazon all the time, but at least I like to shop there, because of real people giving real thoughts about something. If I find it cheaper somewhere else, then I will buy it somewhere else. But definitely I buy a lot of things from Amazon, because they are a good service. Hmm...if I improve my Japanese enough, maybe I can get a job there. Wishful thinking. heh. I think that I need to get some programming skills. But who knows...I might never be good at programming. I don't like programming personally, but if I am able to do a successful program then it's fun. But if I can't figure out the problem, then it's just frustrating. We'll see though. I'd better try to save up more money so I can go back to school.

Problems with Karuta

2007-02-07T23:56:00.000+09:00

Karuta, if you don't know, is a game where you slap a card that is called out. The first person to slap the card gets the card. If you slap the wrong card, then you have to wait for one turn while everyone else goes for that turn. Then you can go when the one after starts.

Anyway, I taught Days of the week last week. I should have made cards with pictures, but I didn't have time, because I wasn't expecting to do this lesson right away. I was expecting to another lesson instead. Anyway, the teachers made the cards but there was a problem. It was all in English and the kids can't read English letters. There was no Japanese on it or pictures.

So knowing this, I was determined to wake up early, but it didn't happen. I fell back asleep. So i came to school and did the lesson as I normally would. The kids had trouble and at least one kid in each class cried. I think that people, especially kids, want to win at games. And they feel bad when they lose. I guess everyone does.

Anyway, that's one problem I have with using Karuta as a game in teaching English. I guess for the early ages, it's tough, because a lot of them aren't comfortable with losing. But then what else can I do to make this learning interesting?

Anyway, It's already tomorrow as it just turned midnight. I spent two hours printing and cutting paper and pasting the pictures to thicker paper. The cutting didn't take me long, it was the pasting that took awhile. As one teacher had the idea of making 3 cards for every four students. So I made 24 of each day. Times that by 7 and you got 168 cards to paste. What I learned is that teachers put in a lot of time in their lessons. Well, probably most teachers. Anyway, I don't know how this is going to go tomorrow. But hopefully, the kids will enjoy it.

Anyway, I've got to go to sleep. luckily tomorrow I start at 9am instead of 8:05. However, this school is the furthest away I have to travel during the week. So it doesn't give me any more extra time. But who am I to complain. As long as I can show up later, then that's cool with me.

I think I have a bad attitude right now

2007-02-07T18:55:00.000+09:00

Anyway, I went to sleep like super early yesterday. 8pm. I woke up at 8am. Man, I thought that I'd for sure be able to wake up at 6am this time. But I think that I have a bad habit of waking up at the last minute.

Anyway, even though I got a lot of sleep last night, I still fell asleep at school. I think that I need to eat candy while I'm at school to prevent myself from falling asleep. I hate drinking the coffee there, as the cups are only washed by people using their hands and water. I think that's one reason why a lot of people there are getting sick. heh. Or spreading their germs. Anyway, the school that I'm at today does not have a place for all the teachers to bring their own cups, except their own desk. So I guess if I want to bring my own cup, then I can drink the coffee. Usually, in the meetings, the teachers make me a cup. The coffee maker is broken, so they use hot water from a thermos and instant coffee.

Anyway, some of the teachers that were kind of unsure of me at that school have become a little nicer to me. Not sure why. But maybe I taught a good lesson last time. Anyway, for that specific time, I was praying that it would go well and the kids would also understand and have fun. Both happened. I guess I should do that more often now that I think about that. I also prayed that I could show unconditional love to the teachers that I taught with that day. That also happened.

But as of lately, I've been having a very bad attitude. I keep on thinking that I'm not going to stay there for next year, so I just don't care anymore. I really should try to do my best in the time I have left. Even if I am not going to stay for another year (if the company does not offer me one) I should at least put my whole effort into making these lessons, because the kids deserve such.

Anyway, I've come to see that I'll never know what fully goes on at a school. And i'll never know fully what the kids think of me. I know however, that it might be tougher next year if I do stay. I'm not sure why I'd stay though.

Anyway, there's no definite reasons to stay right now. Plus I still have not received a letter saying if I am accepted for another year or not. My main reason for staying would be to save up some money as I have made the most money here than I have at any other job. Granted i don't make much here, but still, I couldn't find a job that pays well that would accept me. I was accepted by a packing company, which in itself was not a bad job, but still, it was tough and I'm expecting to go back to that if I come back.

Is money that important? And if so, why am I spending so much? If I do visit my friend in two weeks, then I'll most definitely take the regular trains to Tokyo, and take the super express back home.

Anyway, I'm wondering if I can survive here another year. If I don't get accepted, then I wonder if I should look for another job here in Japan as an English teacher. The other ALTs seemed a little taken aback when I told them that I thought that I wasn't going to be accepted for another year.

Anyway, my impression is that my company probably won't, but there is a chance that they might. Anyway, if they do, then i wonder if I should go to a different place in Japan. Definitely people think I look Korean, because I don't look full Japanese. It's kind of weird here. Anyway, my main point is that I think that I need to change my attitude here and try to adjust in these last months of the school year. Hmm...it's already the 7th of February. My last day is the 20th of March I think. I'm not sure if I have to go to the school graduation ceremony on the Friday after that, but we'll see. I guess I should ask around.

Weekend in Tokyo

2007-02-05T22:48:00.000+09:00

A lot of babble on this post. Just info about what i did. Nothing too interesting. Although I do have some pictures of video games that I bought.

I visited my friend in Tokyo this past weekend. It was pretty good. Except I think that sometimes I take up my friend's and other people's times who help me out. Anyway, I woke up late on Saturday, 9:30am, and decided that I couldn't get everything done in a short amount of time. Well, it's more like I wanted to do other things besides rush. So I basically made my friend wait for me an extra hour. I got to Tokyo around 2pm after leaving at 11:30.

Anyway, after we met up at the station...man Shinjuku is huge! (It took me awhile to find my friend, because the exits were only two and they didn't lead to the main exit. Well, at least from where I got off at. I tried to look for another exit, but I think that the stairwell that I took only led to those two exits. South terrence exit, (I actually saw a Crispy creme there and yes there were lots of people lined up outside of it,) and New south exit.

My friend was waiting at the south exit. So he called me after he was waiting for awhile. After we met, I wanted to eat burgers. There's this place called Becker's burgers. My friend doesn't really like burgers, but since I wanted to eat burgers, we looked for it. Went through the whole station, but still didn't find it.

So we went to Mcdonalds. They have a ultra mac or something like that. I only got a big mac, but if I knew about the ultra mac then i would have definitely tried it. Anyway, I just saw how bad my Japanese is when I was ordering. I basically didn't hear what the heck the lady was saying, but my friend intervened and told her what I wanted. "Seto desu ka?" (Do you want a set?) "Ichiban onegaishimasu." (Number one please.) "Seto desu ka?" "Ichiban onegaishimasu." That was my conversation for about 4 phrases. Man, I think that I need to get out more.

Anyway, we went to Akihabara this past Saturday. I bought 4 games there. One is a game that came out about 1-2 months ago. I figure if I'm going to go home to the states, then I should at least try this game as it looks pretty interesting. But who knows...

Anyway, I spent about $120 on the games. The tickets from Yamanashi prefecture to Tokyo cost about $35 each way. I guess I could have taken the regular train and paid half. But after one experience doing that it is so much nicer to have a seat and not be standing up part of the time if not the whole time. But maybe I'm spoiled. heh.

So after Akihabara, we went back to my friend's apartment and I played my psp. The day was February 3rd. Setsubun no hi. As one of the teachers at school told me today, that day is the parting of the seasons. So the end of winter and the beginning of spring. I guess that's what it is in Japan. On that day, they throw mame (beans). heh. Not mean, but people pretend to be demons and the other people throw mame at them to catch and eat. Not sure why, but at lunch on Friday we did that with the kids. Also we were supposed to eat the number of mame as our age on Feb 3rd.

That night, we visited one of our old friends that we met in Seattle (who is from Japan). He had a hot pot get together. So we ate at this girl's apartment. Man, it was good. After feeling a little bitter at Japan since I got back in January, it was good to meet some nice people (my friend's friends) and speak English with them.

One thing about Japan though, is that the trains stop around Midnight. We ended around 11:20 and headed for the train station. Two of my friend's friends had to travel about 50 minutes by train and the other maybe an hour and a half away also. The trains stop around a certain time, so there was no way they could make it home. So that kind of sucked. But I'm sure that my friend let them stay at his place.

My friend was still hungry. So we stopped at this ramen shop that he liked. Good place. I also liked how they played some classic jazz there too. I love jazz. Anyway, I had a spicy ramen, my friend had some ramen that you dip, so the noodles were on a plate and you dip them into a sauce. I also got some gyoza that had some maybe menlo paper? fried on the bottom and top so that it would be crispy. I'd say that it was pretty good.

Anyway, I tried my friend's wii at his place. I was expecting more out of the wii. Like there would be some more advanced technology than that. Maybe like sensors that could detect if it was level or not, but it was mainly an eye that you put on top of the tv and you use the infrared controller to move the cursor. I must say that I had a different idea of what the wii was. i'd say that it has potential, especially in the sword fighting games like zelda or bleach. But I was a little disappointed. Maybe when they develop more games, then I'll see how good it is.

Anyway, Sunday, just like when we were roommates, my alarm woke my friend up. I must say that I do have bad habits when it comes to going back to sleep and hitting the snooze.

We met up with one of our friends that we met at the university that we both went to. He got a job with the same company as my friend in Japan. He just got back to Japan, so he met up with my friend and me, since I kind of know him.

Anyway, it was a good time of talking. I must say that I don't say very much. I wasn't sure what to say. Anyway, I know mainly about video games and anime. My friends are talking about real world stuff. I guess i'm in a world of my own. heh.

Anyway, after that we went to my friend's church. Crazy...I never thought that there'd be a building that is specifically for Christian stuff. Anyway, it was called New hope Japan. Nice people there. Anyway, I fell asleep again during service. I think that loud noises tends to make me sleepy. So I made a bad impression of myself and probably to the other non-christians there. heh. Who cares though. Anyway, I also saw one of my other classmates there too.

Good guy. After church, we went to Starbucks and got drinks. I'd say that I need to cut down on my sugar, that or exercise more. I'm getting a double chin. It's not that big right now, but definitely under my neck, it's not tight anymore. Yeah, I guess that's what coffee does to you. Including all the sugar that I've been eating. heh. Yeah, mom, I know...diabetes. Okay, time to exercise when I wake up.

Anyway, we ate curry for dinner, since it was getting close to the time that I needed to leave. I'd say that being among Christians again, I felt welcome, yet even though I was welcome, I also felt some tension. I wonder if I'm being a bad witness for the other people who may not have that much exposure to people who are not full Japanese. I was sure if this one guy was judging me because I wasn't full Japanese. But definitely I do think that whenever you enter into a new group, people will be trying to determine your character. But that's just me maybe...

Anyway, I felt welcome, even though I was a little shy in some sense. They asked me when I would come back again, I told them that maybe I'd come back in two weeks. But I'm not sure if I can do that. Anyway, I'll have to make sure that I tell my friend and see if it's okay if I can stay there again.

It was a good weekend. And it was good to be in fellowship again. But man, it's tough when you're far away. It was better than all the rest of my weekends here in Japan. But still, I wonder if I should be visiting the church here close to my house. i wish that they had a later service, but yeah, i do think that I should at least pay my tithes there. I kind of wonder if they'll not accept it because I am not a regular there. Maybe I'll have to pay it in small amounts. heh. Anyway, this past weekend makes my total trips to church in my time Japan bumped up to 2 times. heh. Man, I'm so bad.

But yeah, i do feel more alive after being among people during the weekend.

Today, I visited two other ALTs for dinner. Nice people. I think that because I tend to break conversation and not continue it, it does tend to cause some boredom. I think that's just how I talk though. I don't say much all the time. But they were nice to me and even gave me free dinner and ice cream. Man, they made good sphagetti.

Anyway, I got about a gig of music from my friends and some movies to borrow. I gave them some of my jpop that I transfered over to their computer. Man, I love flash memory. Quick.

I told them that I'd try to clean up my place so that I can have them over for dinner. Man, my place is not too clean right now. I'm afraid of letting people come inside. Well, I guess I should clean it up because that'd make things nicer for both me and others.

I haven't made up my mind

2007-02-01T21:06:00.000+09:00

Anyway, I'm not sure what I'll do, but I am leaning more towards not staying in Japan. I have had some good experiences here with the kids, but I've come to see also that some of the kids think that I'm stupid or something like that. It could be the way I teach, but what do you expect when you have no experience.

Anyway, today I went in kind of unprepared. The teacher's didn't like one of my ideas, because it would cause the kids to run around. Last time we played this game, I noticed that one kid had trouble walking and would always be the one without a chair, so he'd always be in the middle every time. That kind of sucked. So I had no other thing to do at the time.

Anyway, I struggled through today's lessons. The teachers made the karuta cards, (karuta is a game where you slap the card that the caller calls.) Anyway, I think that it went better than expected. If these kids were older than the grade (1st) then I think that they would have not wanted to play.

But yeah, definitely Karuta makes the kids unhappy. Always, someone feels bad because they didn't get as many cards as the other kids. I think in 3 out of the 4 classes, at least one kid cried. In my last class, I tried to explain that having fun is the most important thing in any type of game, not winning or losing. I think that the kids understood, but they still felt bad. Anyway, I think that today could have gone worse. I definitely struggled through today's lessons, but I got through them by the grace of God.

Man, I really think that I'm not going to get another year because I'm running out of material to teach. The problems are that I don't like most of the lessons, so I don't want to teach them, but whatever, I think for the kids' sake, the teachers' and my own, that it would be best if they had someone else next year. I just hope that it will be someone who is a good teacher and a good person. There is the possibility that they could get someone worse, but I doubt that they'd send someone who has no experience this time.

Anyway, it was a good run while it lasted. I experienced working in Japan...both the good and the bad, and got to do some things, even though they were few, it's more experience than I had before. At least I know that I can teach a lesson and I have more confidence in being in front of a class. But still, an ALT is not a real teacher, and it's really not a very good way to get to know the kids. It's also tough if you don't know Japanese if you're working in a school that is not confident in their English ability. But still, it's a way to see what another culture is like. It definitely opens up your eyes to what it's like to go to another country and live there. Definitely I see just how much the foreigners in America put up with. I'm amazed at the people from other countries that go to school in American colleges, or high schools.

Definitely Japan is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live here for too long. It's hard to get to know people at the workplace. Well, for me it is. I don't talk much. But definitely you see all different kinds of people here in Japan. Even though they stress harmony, there is tension in trying to keep everything the same.

Anyway, i just know that the culture is stressed, the nail that sticks out gets hammered back down. I don't like that analogy, but definitely I do think that it's true in Japan. And definitely the people here have no hope in God, because they have never heard of Him. They know Kami, which is god, but a different idea. Anyway, I guess because I became Christian in college, that I've learned that all people are loved by God. However, unless someone tells them about God, they'll never know about Him.

Anyway, I don't think that I can do that in this program. All I do is teach simple language, eat with the students at lunch, sometimes play with them at recess, but definitely it is way over their heads if you try to explain Jesus. I have no idea how to do that in Japanese. Plus English is not understood. I guess the quote is, "preach the gospel 100% of the time. If necessary use words." St. Francis of Assisi.

Jesus said to make disciples of all nations. Teaching them of the father, son and holy spirit. I kind of wonder if there will be an awakening sometime in my lifetime. I basically cannot share Jesus with the teachers or kids, because I just cannot explain it in Japanese. Maybe I should have brought my Japanese bible. Anyway, it's really tough, because there are a lot of cultural things that clash with the translations in the Bible. Some words aren't understood in the same way.

Anyway, I guess I can only pray. My time in Japan is coming to an end most likely. I don't think that I'll be here after March ends. But we'll see. Anyway, maybe I'm just making excuses, but I didn't come to Japan with the intent to help people to know Christ. I knew that in a program like JET or my company, it's basically impossible, because you don't see the people enough to make an impact, unless you count the teachers. But who knows...maybe God planted seeds in their hearts. I can only pray that my being here has made some difference for someone in a positive way. But i'll never know. And I basically came to Japan to learn Japanese, but that fell through. I just don't have time because of my lessons and me trying to relax.

Anyway, February is now here. I only have this month and the next. I serious think that my company is not going to give me another year. So I'm making preparations to come home in terms of packing. I didn't realize how much games I bought. Crazy. It's also crazy how many games Japan pumps out every month. I guess it's big business. Hmm...maybe I should study programming when I come home. I thought that a job that interacts with people would be better than my other previous job. It was to some extent, but definitely I think that I'm better with machines than I am with people.

To stay or not to stay...that is the question

2007-01-31T23:41:00.000+09:00

In terms of the teachers here, I've seen that there are some nice people here and some people who are not so nice. In terms of the kids, the same.

But what I learned in my own personal life is that everyone is capable of doing good or evil. Everyone is capable of anything. It just depends on where we are at a certain point.

Life is not divided into good and bad people. We may divide into such, but God does not see people as good and bad. We all have sin, but God loves us anyway. That's the truth about the cross and why Jesus came down. No matter how good or bad we are, God will always love us, even if we choose not to be with Him. But because He loves us, He lets us choose what we want to do. It's our life.

Anyway, not everything comes down to choices.

Anyway, the title of my post...I'm leaning more towards going home than staying here in Japan. After feeling pretty low yesterday at a kid's comment, and also at a teacher's comment, I've seen that people can be harsh sometimes. But after talking with a friend, I was reminded of God's love for me.

The truth will always be stronger than lies or what other people think about you or me. Why? Because truth sets people free. The truth helps people to live in freedom. That which is not truth, does not set people free. As Philip Yancey said in His book, "Reaching for the Invisible God." Anyway, with my struggles in teaching and in making it to church...I'm contemplating on not staying here another year.

If I were to stay another year, I'd probably teach at a different place. i feel that maybe the kids and teachers here need someone else besides me. Ie, someone they are expecting rather than me. heh. But as the other ALTs pointed out, they could get someone worse.

I must say that I have some hard feelings between me and the schools lately. I realized just how different it was compared to home, and how much I've been putting up with. I think being a foreigner is a hard thing for anybody, because a foreigner doesn't know the culture, and without realizing it, people make fun of the foreigner because he is different from their culture. He may be acting totally within the bounds of his own culture, but is out of bounds in the new culture.

Anyway, I just think that Japan is more image based than America...even though Americac is image based too, I know the culture a little better than Japan and am not affected by it as much as I am here, because I have barely any friends in the schools. Anyway, one thing that i'm learning is that people can say anything about you. People can say anthing that pleases them or makes them feel better. But, you don't have to carry those words with you. They may have forgotten about those words, but if you carry them, then they are alive in you. What helps me to move forward is to remember who I am. And I try to see myself in the same light as God sees me.

God thinks that i'm great. He thinks that about everyone. He sees our sin, and that prevents us from becoming better people or who we were created to be, but yeah, He loves us with a fierce love of a father for his children. If the children don't get along, then that causes hurt in Him too. But He sees what goes on between people.

Anyway, I was hurt on Tuesday, but Wednesday, today, I felt better. Even though today I felt crappy again at my lessons not going so well...that due to my being bummed at yesterday and the kids getting upset at me because they thought that they were first to raise their hand or someone else was first and I just didn't get the correct order (I gave more points to the first people who raised their hands.) anyway, I don't know. But regardless, I have to be alright with myself. Regardless if these kids don't like me or not, I know that I am loved by God and my family and friends. And even if these kids are angry at me for awhile, they'll forget about me when they reach Jr. High school. Even if they carry a grudge, it doesn't matter, because I won't see them, and I won't be carrying this pain with me.

Anyway, today and yesterday still affect my thinking about if I'm going to stay or not. I'm still leaning more towards going home. I'm not able to learn Japanese here. I'm always working on English lessons. Even though I get to watch Anime from time to time, I still don't have any real study of sentences and vocabulary. Maybe I don't have any discipline. Hmm...

Anyway, I don't know what I want in my life. I remind myself of Clark Kent in Smallville. Lana Lang would always say that "Clark doesn't know what he wants" when someone would ask about her relationship between him and her...mainly because there was always someone else. heh. I'm not sure if I remembered that correctly.

Anyway, I should get going. So update...yeah, I'm thinking about coming home or going to a different area of Japan if I do stay...but we'll see. I might not want to stay given how I was expecting it to be a harder semester because of the lack of good lessons, that or my inability to teach them well. But definitely I had some good ones. And definitely I can do this. But it's just a question of whether or not I want to.

Well, whatever. i'm not sure how Japanese people can tell that there's something bothering me, but apparently some can. Maybe I wear my heart on my sleeve too often. heh. But yeah, definitely after seeing that my inability to communicate with these kids results in shallow relationships and misunderstandings, the same with the teachers, I'm not sure I want to stay. But definitely there are some good people here and some people who are not so good. I guess I shouldn't make those distinctions, because everyone can be either. But I guess as my mom said, you shouldn't trust everyone. Meaning that people can hurt you because you trust them. But then again, I never want to live a life that doesn't show who I really am. I don't tell everyone everything that's for sure. But yeah, I say more than I probably should as you who read this blog know.

Anyway, life is short. And I'm not expecting to be here that long. Better to be known even if people hurt you. I just won't let myself be known to them as much because of their inability to show compassion. So I learn from my mistakes. If someone betrays your trust, then I don't trust them again. Once is okay, but twice is too much. Trusting untrustworthy people is stupid. But we'll see. It's not always black and white.

Hmm...kids

2007-01-29T19:05:00.000+09:00

My Monday and Tuesday school is really good. It's good because the kids are friendly there and they're not mean.

But yeah, it's kind of weird too in some sense. I ate lunch with the 2nd graders today. They like to call me "John Michael sensei". At another school they use that as an insult. But yeah, the kids call me that and then run to hug me. Strange how things can mean different things to other people. Or, maybe the kids at the other school didn't mean any harm by it.

I do notice that since I came to Japan, I've been talking with a higher voice and maybe I sound like a girly man. Except i don't have the low voice. When I was coming home for Christmas, I did notice that I did talk in English with a higher voice than usual. Not how a guy usually sounds, and got some stewardesses rolling their eyes. Hmm...I do think that maybe they thought that I was gay.

I don't blame them. I did sound funny, and I immediately corrected it when I got back to the states. But yeah, I think that when I speak Japanese, I tend to speak in a higher voice. For some reason, higher sounds more polite. Kind of like in English. Polite speech is usually higher. But too high, and then people look at you and think...what are you on? Or, what are you?

So yeah, I kind of wonder if they call me that because my speech is kind of like Michael Jackson's. Hmm...maybe...maybe I should use Boku more instead of watashi. And maybe I should talk like a guy would here, instead of trying to be polite. I think that I'll just use English when I don't know what to say. Basically, if I speak slow enough, then the people will understand me. But there are times when they don't know some of the vocabulary that I'm trying to tell them. Same with me and Japanese.

I got several hugs today from the kids. I'm wondering why they hugged me. Did they notice that last week, I was upset? I don't know. But then, I'll never know. It's just something that continues to be unknown to me and a trend. heh.

[edit] At lunch today, one of the kids told me that I look half Japanese and half Korean. Hmm...I don't think that I have any Korean heritage in my ancestors, but who knows...where my Japanese ancestors came from in Japan was close to Korea. It was on Kyushu, so who knows. Maybe I do have some Korean blood in me. But most likely, it's because I'm mixed that they think that. Also my high cheek bones might be something that causes them to think that. Who knows. It's not a bad thing. The kid who asked me that asked me to take off my glasses today and all the kids looked at me. They looked impressed...do my glasses really make me look that bad? Maybe it's better that I wear glasses here. Or, maybe I should find new glasses. heh

I am lucky

2007-01-28T16:04:00.000+09:00

This past Thursday, one of my friends called me. He's also in Japan too. I think that he read my blog and was concerned about me. I really should stop writing my downtimes sometimes, because it causes people to worry. My parents also emailed me with advice because they too were concerned. Yeah, maybe "not wanting to go to work" is something to be concerned about. hehehe

Anyway, my friend encouraged me to get things done by a due date. I worked on my lesson starting from Friday and worked all day Saturday and took some time off today. And yes, I woke up late today, so I missed church again. bleh. I guess I must not really want to go to church. I woke up several times this morning once at 9am, but went back to sleep, then 9:30. Then 10. Then 10:15, then I thought that I should call my friend to tell him that I can't make it today, then went back to sleep. Then heard the noon chimes and woke up.

man, I was supposed to visit him today in Tokyo, but I couldn't wake up early enough to catch the train. Oh well...I guess rest is important too.

Anyway, because of my friend, I was able to finish two lessons that I needed to finish out of three. I'm almost finished with the third one.

Anyway, he was right about the relation between my prep and how I'm feeling everyday. I'm one of those people who like do things at the last minute. But that's exactly what my problem is. And that is why I've been suffering for these past two weeks. Anyway, sleep is definitely important when you're teaching. I guess Monday won't be so bad. But we'll see. Anyway, I can't be blogging all the time. But I'll try to update when I do have time.

I've been there

2007-01-24T23:10:00.000+09:00

I am currently making a "month" lesson. I found a website that has pictures of the month. One was of a place that I visited in Oregon. Wow, out of all the places that this guy has taken pictures, he put one of where I've been. I forget a lot about just how there are so many great things in my area in Japan and I don't take pictures of them. Just like I have not seen most of my home state and taken pictures of it.

Anyway, if you're interested in the Oregon picture, you can find it here.

I must say that I have a hermit personality in terms of technology and video games. Heh, maybe a computer programmer fits my personality. heh. Hmm...that might not be the best profession for me. heh. Yeah, I can imagine me staying up till like 5am just because I couldn't go to sleep while thinking of how to solve the program. Still, I have no skills in programming, so it might not happen.

Heh, I am an Otaku.

Anyway, if you want to see all the pictures of the month, then you can find the website here.

The guy definitely takes some nice pictures. I am using 12 pictures on that site for a lesson. Wish me luck. I still have to think of some interesting game...I'm thinking bingo. heh. Hmm...if the 5th graders can like the game where you fill in the correct pictures for the sentence I said, then they will probably like bingo also. But not all will...I'm sure. But that's okay.

Switchfoot

2007-01-24T22:37:00.000+09:00

I am so glad that I have these CDs on MP3s on my computer. I listened to "The Beautiful Letdown" and their 2006 album, "Oh Gravity". They really are encouraging.

One song called, "Dare you to Move" always helps me to move forward. It can be found on the album, "The Beautiful Letdown."

The lyrics

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to Existence
Everyones here, everyones here
everybody's watching you now
everybody waits for you now

what happens next, what happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up by the floor

I dare you to move, dare you to move
like today never happened
like today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistence
the tension is here, the tension is here
between who you are and who you could be
between how it is and how it should be yeah

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up by the floor
I dare you to move dare you to move
like today never happened, today never happened

Maybe redemption is strong as a child
maybe forgiveness is right where you found
where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna to go? Where you gonna to go?

Salvation is here

I dare you to move, I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself lift yourself up by the floor
I dare you to move I dare you to move
like today never happened, like today never happened, like today never happened,
like today never happened before

What really gets me is that no matter how low life gets, you have to pick yourself up and get back into it. You can't run away from yourself and you need to do what you need to be doing. It's easy to get down on oneself and not want to do anything. That's not everyone i know. But yeah, when you fail, you've got to get back up and try again.

I am weak...but He is my strength. It's amazing what music can do for a person. Maybe that's why Jesus and His disciples sang. Mark 14:26. I can now understand why one of my friends back home wants to get into the music business. Music is a good thing. But definitely what you listen to can change how you think. Just like what you put inside of you changes you.

Anyway, I think that tomorrow will be better.

Where do these kids learn this stuff?

2007-01-24T19:54:00.000+09:00

Today, I was giggling at my desk while I was typing out a review of how one of my classes went. The reviews are mainly just notes for me to use for future lessons, but I thought of dancing for one lesson and couldn't help but remember that this past monday there was this little 3rd grader who was dancing the weirdest dance I could think of for a 3rd grader.

Anyway, lets just say that it was a little inappropriate as it had a lot of hip action and pelvic thrusts. He was dancing that while his arm were raised. Then he went to one of his friends desks. The friend was ignoring him working on his homework, but I just couldn't help but laugh as the 3rd grader was doing some pelvic thrusts and turning his hips round and round in front of this kid. And yes, he had his hands raised and was facing his friend. At one point he put his hands on his hips and danced.

I was thinking...hmm...that seems a little too adult for a kid this age to know. But then I thought...yeah, if they saw HG (Hard Gay) on TV, which is not hard to see, then of course they would know about stuff ike that. I could see why my friend CA didn't like HG.

Anyway, I couldn't help but laugh as I was trying to type out my reflections. I had to go to the bathroom at one point and laugh there, as I didn't want the principal and other teachers thinking that I was goofing off. But I think that they see that I don't do very much at school. I kind of wonder...if I had all those hours to do work at home, then how much more free time would I have? Anyway, I guess I should try to maximize my time at school, and just try to get stuff done there instead of taking work home and doing it all at home.

I'm doing alright. It's just that I think that I need to make it to church this weekend. I think that after I spend some time there, that things will be better. But as the story goes, will I ever make it to church? I'm not so sure about that even when I say that I'm going to make it. Oh well...whatever. I guess I just need to be responsible. Anyway, I might visit G-sak this weekend, so I could visit his church New Hope in Japan.

All I have to do is get my lesson done before this weekend.

D-Gray man and a slacker me

2007-01-23T18:54:00.000+09:00

I've been following this anime on TV here in Japan for a little bit. At first, I wasn't sure what to think of it, but after seeing it for some time, I look forward to it.

Anyway, it takes place in the 19th century in Germany or some European country. It definitely looks like it's German. Anyway, the main character is an exorcist and goes around killing weapons made by some guy who is trying to create the end of the world.

Anyway, it's about PG-13, but the guy who posts these episodes on Youtube does not have PG-13 stuff. I personally haven't watched those other things, but yeah, definitely you might want to keep a watch out for things on Youtube and what your children are watching.

Anyway, if you're interested in checking out the anime, you can find the first link here. Or type in D gray man 1 in the search in Youtube. Definitely a good anime by far. I never understood what this anime was about until I watched the first episode today. But yeah, it gets more interesting later on as the story develops. I think that this is still in its first season here. It should come to the United States, I'm guessing.

Last night, I was worrying about Friday's upcoming club. I'm still not sure what to do about it. Plus I need to plan a lesson for next week. I look back on my 5 months here and wonder how the heck I got through that time. It's crazy how I've been able to get things done and not fail so badly in my work. I mean, I could have come to school without any lesson planned and gotten a really bad scolding by the head teacher. I might have even gotten fired if I did that. But I didn't do that and I am really lucky that God has helped me throughout all of this.

I don't know what to say. Since the vacation, I've been feeling like I can't do this job. I've been feeling like I just can't do this anymore. Even though I've been doing alright so far. I guess I need to just believe in myself and trust that God will use me if I let Him.

I haven't been playing at recess all that often anymore. I just feel like I don't want to mess up again. But if the kids ask me to play, then I play with them. They are good kids...I'm always surprised that the kids want to play with me. I guess when I was a kid, I would have liked to play with the teachers too. heh. We played dorokke (cops and robbers) and at lunchtime recess I played kickball. I kept my eyes open to see where there were openings, but one time I did kick it into a crowd and someone caught it, so I was off the hook.

I didn't get much sleep last night. I tend to stay up late nowadays when I'm trying to get something done. I was worrying about today and I really did not want to go to work today. Again...

Anyway, the kids are the best part and hardest part about working as a teacher. The kids will make fun of you because of things you do or what you do to get their attention. In some ways, you have to let go of your ego here and self respectibility and just try to do wacky things to get them involved. But then, then there are kids who think that you're stupid or weird and they make fun of you. But you can't please everyone and the majority of the kids like me.

Anyway, I'm really considering coming home. And after today...being so tired, that I couldn't help but fall asleep...I think that I fell asleep for quite awhile. Anyway, I can never seem to get enough sleep for some reason. i felt better after I woke up, but man, the head teacher noticed that and he said, "otsukaresama deshita ne." Usually he doesn't add ne to it, but I think that he noticed that I was sleeping. I think he was being sarcastic after he stamped my work time sheet. heh. Oh well...I guess that's one lesson for me. Just get your lessons done in the early evening right after dinner and don't try to do too much in one night. I can't seem to get things done at late night anymore. I always seem to shut down and just stand there. I guess I've got to get things together. I'm wondering if I'll mess up in the next week, or this friday. I guess I shouldn't worry or think that, but just to get it done.

Oh well. I'm really thinking that I will not be offered another year anyway. And I'm not sure if I could handle another year given how tired I am lately. I guess maybe I should try to exercise this weekend. Yeah, I think that I'm getting a double chin. Never thought that would happen this early in my life. But I guess when you're drinking coffee at night and during the day and also tea now and then, in addition to other snacks like cream pan then you can't help but gain fat. I've also noticed that I can't throw a ball as hard anymore after 5 months of not working at my old job. I guess that's to be expected.

Anyway, I'm still wondering if I could survive another year in Japan if offered another year. I don't know if it would be better to transfer to a different area in Japan, or to come home, or to try to bum at G-sak's place until August. heh, like he'd allow that. Anyway, I could always try to find another teaching job here in Japan. The question is, do I really want to?

I have to make it to church sometime, but it seems like it's going to be a neverending cycle of missing church. I don't know if I could stay in Japan and keep on missing church. Anyway, to all at home, thank you for praying for me. No matter how often or little, thank you. I must say that it has been really surprising that I haven't broken down at school. I guess that's one part of me that seems to be growing. Able to cope with things at a better level than before. But still, I have work to do in that area until I can not let things bother me and be a professional.

Oh well...I used to know this guy at my old workplace who used to be a teacher of English in Japan. He taught at a boys high school there and I think that that's where he met his wife. He is now working at that crappy job that I was at before with the horrible hours, but he has some ambitions in life like being a screenwriter. He placed 50 out of 2000 in a contest. Just out of the money, but definitely if he can do that, he has potential to get some of his screenplays made into movies. The guy judging it was supposedly a famous guy. I have no idea who the heck these screenwriters are, I just watch the movies.

Anyway, for some reason, I wonder if i'll be back at that terrible job when I come back. It was a good job in terms of time that it allowed you to be free to do stuff, but the problem was that it didn't pay much, was only 4 hours a day, the graveyard shift, and because of that, I couldn't do very much with my friends. If I tried to, then I paid for it in terms of how tired I was. The weekends were also horrible too as I went back onto the daylight schedule and then when Monday hit, I was so tired the first day. Never work Graveyard shifts unless you really need to. There are better things that you can do with your life that won't age you so much. I do feel pretty old...I guess that's what happens when you don't take care of yourself.

Oh well...whatever.

Les Miserables

2007-01-22T20:19:00.000+09:00

I am not wanting to go to school nowadays. I'm expecting something bad to happen in terms of my teaching every single day. In some sense it's a self fulfilling prophecy in that I expect to do bad and then I don't do so great. After all this time in the schools, I'm wondering if I should stay, but part of me wants to quit after this term ends. Anyway, if I do a good lesson this next one in that I'm preparing, then I might consider staying, but I can't seem to think of one that is simple enough. Maybe that's all I need. Maybe I just need to make simple lessons and even if some get bored, then all at least can succeed and the teachers have nothing to complain about. hehe. Yeah, maybe I should just do the very easiest lessons. haha. Yeah, maybe that's what I need to do.

Anyway, I'm right now listening to the Les Miserables CD that my brother gave me in Christmas 2000. I remember I saw that musical my freshman year. I made the mistake of buying the 2nd best tickets, because you couldn't hear any of their words in the balcony. I should have bought the best tickets there were so that I could hear what they were saying. I remember still enjoying it even though I couldn't understand everything. You could still hear it, but man, it would have been so much better if I bought the better tickets. Oh well...poor students, what can you expect. heh.

Anyway, I'm remembering bits and pieces of the book that I read...I never finished it, but I remember just how there were things in there that I didn't understand at the time, but see clearer now after I became Christian.

One thing that I always remembered was the Priest at the beginning. The book started with him. He was a Catholic priest and lived with his sister and servant. I was totally astounded at how the priest could say such stuff. It didn't make sense. It totally gave too much trust and credit to people who didn't deserve such if any. Bandits, criminals, and the priest scolded someone who saw no need for God in this world with the reasons why He is very much needed.

Jean Valjean, the main character of the story...well, it was basically how things were at the time. He stole bread to feed his sister's children. He couldn't earn enough and was desperate. Then he was thrown into jail. After he got out, he experienced some rough times as he was a criminal and also had no money. Being chased by a dog for trying to sleep in the dog's house, welcome by none he came to the priest's house to be found that he was welcome. The priest let him stay the night. The same priest that I mentioned above.

It just happened that the priest's trust was misgiven in this event as Jean Valjean stole the priest's silverware...one of the only things of worth in his house. the next morning when the police found him and brought him back to the priest, they asked him if this was his stuff that they found on Jean Valjean. The priest said, "yes, but why didn't you take the candlesticks. Here they are yours. I gave him these." The police let him go, and the priest told Jean Valjean that he has bought his freedom with this silverware and candlesticks, and to go and make a life for himself with those.

Jean Valjean, given a second chance made a great life for himself and even became an owner of a factory. i didn't get that far in the book, but yeah, in the musical, the policeman looking for him all these years thought that he found Jean Valjean and accused a man who was not Jean Valjean. Jean Valjean found out about it and started to rationalize why he shouldn't have to do anything.

But he thought about the other man and how could he let him go into prison? How could he not feel his agony after being in prison before? How could he face his fellow man again? how could he face himself again? I gave my soul to God long ago, I made that bargain long ago...He gave me hope when hope was lost, he gave me strength to carry on...who am I? I'm Jean Valjean!

anyway, some of those lines above are from the musical that I am listening to.

I can't say that the second chance that I've been given in life will mean that i will do great things. I know that it depends on me and my choices here on earth. My choices to do right. My choices to follow God.

But I do know that those who follow Christ will suffer. It's evident in all who do so. Despite all that, you have to ask yourself, is it worth it? Is it worth suffering for right or God? Is it worth loving those who deserve no love? Is it worth giving your life when there may be no results?

Something that I know is that God gave me a second chance in life. I was going to die, but He stopped me. Not through a way that anyone would think, but I believe that it was God after look back in my life and what I asked back then.

Well, I guess this is showing me that I need to pray for these kids. There's only so much that I can do. Apparently some of the kids like me while some of the kids like to make fun of me. But I play dumb sometimes, but I also don't play dumb but just don't understand what the heck they're saying...but after I see their reactions afterwards, I know that they just made fun of me and thought that they got away with it. There's probably more times that they got away with it, but I try not to let it bother me. And who knows...maybe they'll have good memories of me.

But there are some kids who really like me for some reason. I'm not sure why, but apparently, I must be doing something right...or it could be that I'm an American and they like Americans. heh. I don't know. And I guess I'll never know. But if they do like my lessons, then I'm glad that I did something right for once. heh. But who knows. I feel like a fool most of the time and the kids that know English a little better do see just how funny I am sometimes. As in weird. heh.

Anyway, being given a second chance, I would like to make a difference here, but I know that most likely, given my choices with life, I won't make too big of an impact. As I learned from someone...life is about relationships. All the things in the world won't make you happy. People need other people. Some of us believe that we all need God. Relationships...that's the one thing that I've been so poor in terms of my ability and I guess love.

I've been a loner for most of my life. I just didn't know how to handle other people. I didn't know how to handle words. I never was able to say something in retort as I was not quick enough. But I think that that helped me to become a better person. I never made fun anybody after a certain age. I didn't see any good that came from it. It just built up the weak personalities of those who made fun of others. Not saying that I was strong back then.

Anyway, I don't know why the heck I'm posting all of this. Or what the purpose of the title is. But definitely second chances can make a difference in someone's life. Not saying that it always will, but definitely as Christians, we are called to forgive our brother if he asks for forgiveness. Not a few times, but infinitely. not 7 times, but 77 times 7.

Anyway, I fail to see what purpose my life has here in this world. I guess that's maybe one thing that I just need to stop thinking about. I just need to go out there and do the best I can and as my friend said, "and take it one step further."

Well, who knows...we are all destined for Greatness, but not all of us reach it. Why? We just don't do it. In my opinion. There are good works that God has prepared beforehand for you and me to do. The work will never stop and will only keep on coming. As long as there is evil in this world looking to devour the people and turn them into something worse as I almost was.

I'll never understand why I'm here and why others are not. But I guess maybe that's another second chance that God has given me. I have a race to run. I have work to do. As long as I'm here I can make a difference. That's my hope. But I know that it's going to take a lot more of me doing something. And even if I do that, it may not make a difference.

Man, I really don't know what the heck I'm doing here.

I'm glad though that I have this CD. I ordered the original London cast on Amazon.com and sent it to my house. I will have to put it on my computer sometime when I visit home again. But for now, I am touched by the words of Les Miserables on this CD and just the beautiful melodies.

Anyway, if you ever have the chance, see the musical of Les Miserables if you like beautiful music or awesome lyrics. Or, if you ever have the chance and the patience, read the unabridged version of Les Miserables. You can find the book here on Amazon. Amazon is one of my very favorite stores by the way. But yeah, you can find it in any bookstore in the US probably. But this is the best translation into English in some people's opinions, (my old roommate's and one of the reviewers on Amazon.) Anyway, I looked for a little bit in the abridged version and it just cut out so much detail that makes the book what it is...classic. But that's just me. I like detail. But probably most people can't stand it. I guess if you are reading my blog, then you can see that I do take tangents here and there. I haven't developed things too much because of time constraints. But yeah, this is mainly just a quick journal that the whole world can see!

Anyway, I've babbled on too much in this post.

Anyway, I wonder exactly what all my experiences will mean in the future. I guess it is always interesting to someone somewhere. Who knows...maybe if I kids, maybe they'll read just how stupid I was. heh. Yes, your dad is human and made mistakes. heh. Hopefully I'll have grown into something better.

Something something garbled

2007-01-21T17:22:00.000+09:00

This is not an interesting post, but I hear the loudspeakers in the neighborhood sometimes saying something. i think that it's the police department saying something to the area. I could understand it a little bit better, but still couldn't understand what they meant. I could hear the syllables and inflection, but still, I couldn't make out everything, only the words I knew already. But yeah, it seemed like they might be having a curfew or something like that. Something about until 8pm.

Anyway, maybe I should get outside today. I missed church again...I slept until 1pm. heh. I drank way too much coffee last night. I couldn't stop drinking it. I think that I'm feeling depressed after this past Thursday. oh well...

Anyway, I only have about 2 more months to go. I don't know if there will be another year in Japan, but at least I got to come here and experience it for a little bit. Even though i didn't do too much here, I did experience what life is like in the schools. And I was able to pick up some things for myself too. Hmm...which reminds me that I need to buy presents to send home also. Oh well...got to get going on that before i leave Japan. If I leave Japan in April.

Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to find a job when I come back home. Seeing just how little I understand Japanese, it really shows me that I study Japanese more and watch Japanese TV everyday while I'm here. Yes, don't work on my work and just goof off. heh, I'm joking.

Hmm...I guess I need to be more disciplined with my time here.

Maybe I have a weird sense of humor

2007-01-20T22:53:00.000+09:00

I took this picture awhile ago back in November. It was in Todaiji temple at Nara. Nara is close to Osaka. Anyway, I thought that this was funny so I took a picture of it. I should have entered this into the photo contest, but I chose a lame picture instead. Oh well...it's only money that I could have won. Anyway, I didn't think that it'd get very many votes. But I guess i'll never know. It might not have, but my other picture that I entered shows only Japanese houses, so that sucks compared to the other pictures that I saw.

If I had to name this picture, I'd name it, "Land of preservation."

This contest is a way to give future prospects an idea of what Japan is like or what things they can see. I thought that the buildings would be a good thing for other people to see, but now that I looked at everyone elses, I see that it's too ordinary.

Really, compared to the US, the whole world has cultures and societies that have existed way before our times. I guess that's why people like travelling to Europe, because the buildings have been there for ages. Who knows, my picture might be a good reminder of what things looked like for the other ALTs to take home. But I should have turned in the picture above as some of the English in Japan is kind of funny sometimes. heh

Sleep and the not so pleasant surprise

2007-01-19T20:42:00.000+09:00

It's getting cold here at night. I'm not used to it that much anymore. I sometimes pull my blanket over me for warmth. But then last night, I just laid down and pulled the blanket over my whole body for warmth. My computer was playing music and the light was still on I wasn't planning on sleeping, but what could I expect when I am laying down?

Anyway, I woke up this morning to a loud clang! It sounded close by so I thought that my neighbor was pissed off at me because I played my music the whole night. I thought that it wasn't too loud at all. But I heard it about 4 or 5 more times. Finally I said, I don't have time for this and just got out of bed and got ready.

I was wondering what the heck he was doing to make that noise. I thought that he was kicking his washing machine or something.

When I was leaving, I noticed that one of my panels was open. Apparently the guy who checked my gas usage for the month forgot to close the panel. I saw it was wide open. The wind must have been blowing it against the wall and thus the clanging noise. That or, people were walking into it and banging into it. I didn't close it until I came back today. There is a lock on the thing, but it looks like the gas man didn't push the panel all the way closed before he turned the lock. Anyway, I got it closed again which was simple enough...the lock only prevented people from opening it, I just held the lever up until the panel closed and it slid back down again and locked. Man, that was an unpleasant morning for not just me, but all my neighbors. heh. I'm lucky that they didn't complain.

All day today, I was thinking about if I should stay in Japan if given another chance. So far, my company still has not contacted me about this. I'm thinking that by the end of January they will let me know. But yeah, if I was offered another year, would I take it?

Anyway, one of my major complaints about one school is that they never observe a good lesson of mine and always see just the bad parts of the lesson, mainly the beginning. I'd say that they would need to stay for the whole lesson to see what the kids are learning. Anyway, there is always criticism and no real help given to me. I guess I need to ask the trainers for help, but I knd of wonder, what the heck can they do? How can they help me? I wish that they would write more info on their training website about how to do things, but I guess not everything can be understood by just words alone.

Anyway, I think that my dad is right. Since I don't have that much experience teaching...only this experience now, that I can't expect to be a good teacher right away and neither can they. I kind of wonder how the other ALTs fare up. I don't know...but yeah, definitely I didn't see too many Asian Americans who were teachers at training. I kind of wonder that because I am part Japanese and look Japanese that they have higher expectations of me or wonder if they wanted someone who was Caucasian. Definitely I get no respect from the older kids. I get some respect from some of the teachers, but not all...but that's good enough. At least some of the teachers are nice to me.

I don't think that I could call Japan my home. this one guy at the church that I went to who has been in Yamanashi for 20 years and has been teaching English here all throughout that time calls Yamanashi his home. I don't plan on staying in Japan for more than 2 years...5 months have already passed...if I am offered another year, I don't know what I'd say to it.

Well, whatever. After yesterday, I am pissed off and depressed. But I guess that teacher who teaches English conversation at the church is right. "you have to have a sense of humor here in Japan and laugh things off if you are to survive." He's right. But I guess learning to deal with these things and also learning to see how it is to be on the other side of things is necessary too. What I mean by that is, sometimes I have to see what pressure they are also getting from above too. They are responsible for these kids and I have no responsibility for them. Well, I have some in that I need to make sure that they learn something, but really, I don't get in trouble if they don't do well later on. But what the heck do they expect? I mean, I only see them like once a month if I'm lucky. And 45 minutes for once a month is not very good in terms of them remembering what I taught them. But yeah, someone said here, "fun is more important than learning at this age." He didn't mean that learning wasn't important, but yeah, given the system here in Japan, I think that the kids just need to build confidence in themselves because things get really hard after Elementary school. Crazy that they even have entrance exams for elementary too, not just Jr. High and High school and college. Well, I think they do...not sure about that. I just remember that in my last visit to Japan, one of the teachers had a little girl. He was trying to teach her math so that she could get into a good elementary school. Man, I didn't know math as crazy as those problems were. Not saying that they're complex, but they test your ability to use your imagination. heh.

Anyway, I think that I'll probably just not worry about things right now. And just get through these next 2 months here. I'm looking forward to buying a Japanese PS2...With all the games that I've accumulated I really want to see how good some of these games are. I'm only able to play the PSP games and DS games, but I still haven't touched most of them yet as i've been working on lessons most of the time and also been surfing the net for deals and steals. heh.Yeah, I know, I should be saving up money. But man, I won't get another chance to get these things unless I go on Ebay and buy them at inflated prices. I love the Japanese Amazon and also this other website.

One crazy thing about Amazon in Japan is their delivery services. If you buy something over $15 here, then shipping is free. I sometimes order something on Saturday and receive by Monday or Tuesday. The package is never dented or mangled. I'm amazed at how they can keep their packages from being beat up if the packing service is a packing service. My experience with my old company was that some packages get beat up, but the majority of them are okay. For most of the packages there at my old company, we shipped so many and tried to do that as fast as possible that some packages got beat up. The amazon boxes here in Japan are really thin and if they were being shipped in America, I'd say that the contents would spill out. But that's one thing about Japan, appearance means a lot. Or in my opinion it does here. Oh well, what do i know about Japan. I've only scratched the surface.

Sometimes..

2007-01-18T18:53:00.000+09:00

It's better not to write things down on the internet. I just wrote a long winded complaint, but I think that I need to calm down in a different way...in other words, prayer.

Days going going going....

2007-01-17T18:42:00.000+09:00

I think that I'm starting to get used to teaching again. I dreaded the past couple of days before I went to school. I was even thinking of calling in sick, but luckily I didn't.

Anyway, yesterday was a long day, but yeah, I keep on seeing that I'm not perfect and that I do cause some tension now and then between me and other people. But I can't help that I'm not perfect, I can only try to correct it the next it happens. Or at least think about what happened before and try to get it right the next time before it happens again.

I felt so bad that I just fell asleep with the music on and lights on. I slept the whole night waking up every few hours to the change of the music on my windows media player. I was warm sleeping in my work clothes. I woke up in time to take a shower. Man, I don't know what it was, if it was my clothes that smelled or what, but definitely I was smelling something all day. And I did take a shower. I just hope that it was just some scents from the previous night's cooking of curry that was just stuck in my olfactory system. Not sure how to spell that.

Anyway, I had an average day today. I was expecting a lot worse because I was teaching the 6th graders and I wasn't so confident in this lesson. But usually with the older kids, this lesson is more interesting than with the younger kids. So for the most part it went well, except for the lack of respect that these kids usually show me. Well, two of the three classes. But it wasn't too bad, except that I think that they are usually worse when I'm teaching than when the regular teacher is teaching. Man, I'm not sure what the heck these kids are thinking...when it comes to English. But who knows...they're probably bored with elementary school games and are looking forward to something new. I really would like to challenge the 6th graders more, but I know that they'll probably not do any of it and then my lesson will fall flat. What can I expect, I'm told that all 5th and 6th graders give teachers trouble.

Anyway, I think that after maybe a month later, I'll probably be used to teaching again, before I will probably leave. I'm not expecting the company to renew my contract. It just doesn't look good to me. I mean, I received so much complaints from some schools and also opinions on how to improve yet I didn't improve that much, I am thinking that my company won't renew my contract. Which is fine. I'm wondering why the heck I'm in Japan anyway. I feel like such a loser most of the time here except when I'm with the kids 5th grade and below. Even when I'm with some of the kids teaching classes, I feel like the lessons aren't going so well all the time. I guess I have to work on presenting better sometimes, but still, why the heck do they make these lessons if they're too hard for the kids? I guess each school is different. But man, it's tough when I'm supposed to choose the lessons and I have never taught before his job, and I have no idea what the skill levels are of the kids. Well, I have some idea of some grades at some schools. But still, I don't know what the heck elementary school kids are supposed to know in terms of getting ready for Jr. High entrance exams. Oh well, I guess I'm not supposed to. That's not my job...I'm there to help them to hear English and speak it. The homeroom teachers are supposed to help the kids to learn grammar and other things like that.

Man, it's crazy what the different levels are at each school. I guess it depends on the teachers...how good they are.

Anyway, my lesson on Tuesday was family. I had the 6th graders. Usually this class doesn't respect me either and they have trouble keeping interest. But yeah, they liked this game, don't ask me why. I'm not sure how people can find this game interesting. But I guess for kids, it's something new and they're learning something new in terms of the language. It was, "My (family member) can (do something)." One group wanted to be funny, and as much as I wanted to give them a point, I couldn't. They put, "My grandfather can Grandmother." You know, that's not too far from the truth in some families. Or retirement homes...umm...yeah, that's just nasty. But I guess people don't change much after they get old. Even in their habits. Crazy people.

Hmm...yeah, it seems like yesterday's group wasn't the only group that thought of that as some of the 6th graders put something similar in those boxes.

I'm always wondering how these kids know some of these things. I mean, when a 1st grader demostrates something that he shouldn't know about and asks me if I do that, then I'm wondering...hmm...where the heck do they learn about this stuff? I didn't learn about that stuff till 6th grade. Maybe it was a 2nd grader. Yeah probably. Anyway, they probably learn about it from tv or something like that...maybe not public tv, but cable maybe. Also, when they ask you your length, how the heck would they know about that? These are just elementary school kids. Again...TV probably.

Anyway, I'm just ranting again and again.

Oh well...I guess I should make the most out of my time here that I have left. I'd be really surprised if the company gives me another year despite all the complaints that I've received from the teachers. Not many, they were just trying to help me, but I just feel like the kids will get bored when I make things too easy. I guess maybe they're right. Maybe at this age, they should have way easy stuff. Like yes or no answers. Okay...I guess I should just not try to challenge these kids even if some of them get bored.

omoidashita

2007-01-15T21:57:00.000+09:00

Heh, as I was working on something just now a memory came back. During class, one kid said, "my home is a toyota home." I have no idea where they learned that from and at the time I didn't know what they were talking about as I was teaching. But yeah, basically if you think about it, what is a toyota? And if it's your home, then what does that mean that you're living in?

I guess that's not so funny. But i'm wondering, where the heck are these kids learning this from? TV? No idea. Maybe it was from the teacher before. Apparently, the teacher that left in the middle of the school year was a great teacher. Quite frankly, the schools were shocked when he left. But yeah, maybe they learned it from him. Oh well,..maybe I'll learn some more English phrases from the kids heh.

Martin luther King day

2007-01-15T21:01:00.000+09:00

I didn't realize that it was Martin Luther King day today. Well, they don't celebrate that in Japan, so I kind of forgot about it. But man, talk about something that changed history in the United States, not his birthday, but just that he used truth and love to change a nation.

Man, when I think about what God can do through people, I'm amazed. I'm amazed that they can endure so much, or do something God sized. Ghandi expelled the British using the sermon on the mount. Martin Luther King Jr. changed some people's minds about people of color. What I'm seeing is that they were the leaders, but they got a whole bunch of people to follow them, but instead of using what is traditional...ie violence or might is right, they used love instead.

Is love really that powerful? Well it depends on how you look at it. To some people, taking over something is powerful. If you look at dictators or rulers of nations, you might consider them powerful. But, can love be powerful? I think so.

It may foolish to think so, but I think that changing people's lives for the better is much more powerful than killing them or having your way. As my past has shown me, love dispelled the hate within me. I can't say how bad it was way before, but it was so bad that my mom was afraid of me at one point. And I must say that I could have been dangerous if I went off the edge.

Anyway, I talked with some of the other ALTs tonight. We ate dinner at this place...good place. I must say that I should get out and eat more often, but that's just me. I usually don't go out and eat. it's cheaper to buy stuff from the store. Actually, my family never really ate out as I was growing up. We ate pizza once a week at Godfathers, but that was it. Yeah, for those who know me, I love pizza. I used to eat it for breakfast, and dinner. Yay for Costco!

Anyway, I got off track again. I was reminded of my past again. i'm different from before, and I can say that I'm a better person after receiving lots of help. But I can't help but wonder if people weren't praying for me, then where would I be? I might have been dead.

Anyway, I know that you guys at home are praying for me off and on. I sometimes wonder why people even care about me. But you all have been great friends to me, and I can't say how much I appreciate the kindness that you all have shown me, even though i'm a little rough on the edges.

Because I'm a little rough on the edges, i do see why people don't talk to me. But then, just the little things that people would say to me would help and encourage me. Even though I have trouble keeping a conversation going.

Anyway, I'm amazed when I came home to hear that people were praying for me. Reverend Dick even told me a story about when he was in Japanese school. I am thankful for all of you. I don't know how some of you got my blog address, but then again, it's not too hard to hear about it. I mean, all you need is the address and anybody can see it.

Anyway, I missed church again yesterday. I've been really bad at going to church...yeah, that's not new. But yeah, I know that we go to church to worship God. Despite how good or bad we are, God accepts all people. I know that I must make it next week. It'll probably be another missed church again story. heh

I keep on wondering...what the heck am I doing here? I always think that for some reason. No matter where I am. I just got to say that we all have a purpose here in life. Whatever it is, hopefully we live it out.

Anyway, Martin Luther King Jr. Happy Birthday. I'm not sure when his birthday is, but yeah, definitely living a life worth remembering is the key to immortality. That quote is from my friend's page.

gridiron gang

2007-01-14T23:10:00.000+09:00

I made a mistake on the name of the movie with the Rock. The movie is called Gridiron Gang, not Gridiron Rules. Anyway, if you want to buy it you can find it at Circuitcity found on this link here.